Going no contact with a family member that is a narcissist

[Deleted member 541]

This is the roller coaster of emotions that I mentioned a few months ago. You will have days when things a good and days when things are great. And then the shit hits and it feels like your world, life and heart are being ripped apart.

The ebb and flow of emotions will drive you almost mad for a very long time. The hurt and betrayal will cut like a knife and the depression hangs on like a weighted blanket that you can remove.

All of us that have gone no contact all know the pain and we all know that it does get better, it just takes time for the heart to heal. Hugs to you @Rain and know that I do care. I wish there was more that I could do, but this is a path that you have to walk basically by yourself and you have to face those rotten emotions and deal with them the best that you can...

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hugs to you @Rain and know that I do care. I wish there was more that I could do, but this is a path that you have to walk basically by yourself and you have to face those rotten emotions and deal with them the best that you can...

Thank you so much, She Cat. I appreciate your sharing your wisdom with me of having gone through this ordeal yourself. Everything you have said is so spot on.

I am missing the kid, but not my daughter. I probably still have feelings of love for my daughter but as she has chosen for me to be out of their lives the only option I have is to respect her choice.

And yes it does hurt like hell to be cut off from my grandkids and miss out on these times in their lives and am no longer getting to know them while they are growing up. I did send the kids each a christmas card and do not know if they will get sent back to me yet or not. I think they have gotten them by now so either I made a tentative connection or they are on their way back to me unopened.

Things have been really quiet with my daughter which I consider a good thing. I am going to get out of here in a little while so I can clear my head.

I know it is a risk to send the kids anything. I am guarding my heart against the onslaught of more pain and grief. But I am hoping that with it being the holidays, my daughter may just allow them to have the cards this time.

I am allowed to text my grandson but he is not allowed to text me back. I do not think that will change either when he turns eighteen in a few weeks. I have a birthday card and an enclosed letter to him for his birthday. I have to do the youngest birthday card to write still. Both of them have birthdays in December.

I am seeming to do better today. I am grateful for the long amount of time that has passed, because I seem to have developed some scar tissue over the deep wounds of which I am very grateful.

My hopes are just maybe someday, years from now. I am mostly just plain weary of the whole thing. I do not have to worry about my daughter contacting me about signing the lease for her apartment and honestly I am just hoping that she gets my name off of her lease which would be very nice.

It will all happen in May. I am not going to sign for it again, I am determined to get my name off of her lease. I kind of suspect that she will use Ez as the go between about that when it is time which I think is a really low thing to do.But it is too be expected.

She backed off after I called the police on her to do a home health check after she sent me the videos. I am suspecting that the police warned her about potential problems with me for sending the videos and she got scared off.

It is a rollercoaster of feeling emotions run amok. I am doing okay today. It is the combination of the triggers about this holiday and the kids birthdays. I am bound to be wounded at this time of year. I now expect it and so am not caught off guard so easily as I was at first.

Luckily, I have another therapy appointment in the beginning of December. It is really helping me a lot but I sure could use more appointments.

I am becoming numb too. Maybe it is from the sheer amount of overload from the stresses of everything that has happened.

It would be so wonderful if my grandson does by chance assert his independence and move out of his moms house and begins to live independently. I am going to have to wait for a very long time I realize. It is wearying to know that it could take quite a few years to reconnect.

I am proud of myself for surviving all of this while living alone and that I have finally faced my worst fears down and survived it.

I think the hardest part of all of this is the fact that I do not know how they are doing and do not know how things are for the kids anymore. A lot can happen in a years time. It is so hard to realize that it approaching the one year mark in a couple of months since I last saw my grandson.

I know that my daughter is angry about losing her precious car and I do wonder how she and her family are faring with her driving her own car? I wonder if she has car insurance now? I think that they are doing better financially because the phone stays on anymore and does not get shut off anymore.

I wonder if my grandson finally got a job. He wants to help out his family financially with the money he makes from the job. I know that he loves his mother very much. I wonder if the little one is still her golden child or have they switched roles with each other.

I am not hurting today, just wistful and yearning.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I realized how I managed to lose connection to my real core child self this past weekend. I went to a good friends house and she is surrounded by her family and was super busy so we did not talk much but I watched her and her son interact at the table when we were eating dinner and they were remembering their shared history together. I instantly went straight to I have no connection to my family anymore. I have been disconnected from my self and lost ever since.

I realized this morning that I still have some connection to my grandson in that I am allowed to text him although he is not allowed to text me.

I have decided not to go to my friends house until I have healed a whole lot more. I had the best holiday in so many years this past Thanksgiving staying home alone and decorating. I really had a fun day. But going to my friends house really ripped the scab off and I have been lost ever since. I have now re found myself and feel so much better. I am not going back to my friends house until I have done a whole bunch of healing. I am setting this boundary and will just offer excuses to her invitations because I do not want to tell her about my discovery.

I realized upon finding myself that, I was able to text Ez and remind him of the fact that his grandpa and I loved and treasured him all of his life and have represented stability to him and I still offer that if he wants it. I was able to give him something memorable to consider and think about.

I am getting ready to get up and start my day. It will be a bunch of running around and doing errands.

I feel so much better to be reconnected to myself as I am becoming. I live alone, my friend lives with her adult son. She does not know how to live alone right now. So somethings we are not able to talk about. I feel so much better to limit my time with her for when we meet and go out to breakfast.

That was the way it was in the beginning when we first met and I need to do that again.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain I would tell your friend the truth and not avoid and tell untruths. Just be honest with her a d explain that seeing them interact together and how they have such a tight relationship, just hurt too much and brought up raw emotions for you. She will understand and possibly even help you by going places with you without her son. So that you can still share a good relationship with her wopithout the trigger. Although exposure therapy is good for you!!!! Nuff said on that.....

 

[Deleted member 12723]

She will understand and possibly even help you by going places with you without her son. So that you can still share a good relationship with her wopithout the trigger.

I am going to do that and give her the chance. My little has decided to start letting me know about things and I am not sure what changed, because I thought either I had no inner child or she was dead for so many years of my life. So I am learning and growing a lot right now.

Thanks She Cat for the wisdom you shared with me. I just hate to have the conversation because it is so hard to talk about. But you are right and although exposure therapy is good, I am just not ready to go there.

It will equal out things for me creating a balance I really need.

Ezris birthday is on the fourteenth of December and I have arranged for some special support for me on that day. There will be a lot of joking around and laughter and it will be a great diversion to keep me from feeling sorry for myself. I really do not expect to see any changes at all in my situation.

He will be an adult and can learn and find his way on his own in his own time. Awhile ago I really had my hopes up so ridiculousy and have since gotten real and know the score. Nothing really is going to change until he moves out away from his mom and I do not know what is going on in his life either at this time.

I was feeling somewhat fragile for a while today and I know it will just take as long as it takes for me to heal up. I am thinking tomorrow is going to be a much better day since it will be sunny and I have things to do.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I went to get a special blanket last night, and could not find it, I made the mistake of asking for it back. I know that was a huge mistake and one I will not be repeating. I know that I was her supply last night. Nor was there a reply. I am not going to beat myself up over this.

I just have to accept the loss. Combine that with a horrible nightmare of her stealing my stuff and not being able to talk to her and realizing just how much she hates me.

There was an angel in the nightmare being a sympathetic witness trying to help me to recover my stolen things. It ended badly. I have journaled about my feelings and expressed them and feel a little better. I am going to eat and get out of here today early. Do my tasks when I get home. I just need to get out in the sunshine and get some fresh air and do a few things. I am going to treat myself too.

This sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

 

[Deleted member 541]

You opened the door, let’s hope that there is no abuse from her, and the only abuse is self abuse from opening that door and getting no response. One of the reasons I do not call or contact when there is no contact. I don’t want to suffer the hurt of rejection. I’d rather just be depressed about no contact!!! I’m just glad I’m over all of it and now am indifferent about all of it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Utter silence. I understand it is her choice to cut me out of her life, but yeah....the rejection was self abuse for sure. Not going to go through that one again. I will not respond to her furthor either! I feel one hundred percent better. Doing mega self care and it works. Thanks for responding and being here today. Not going to go down that road again. I was just caught off guard realizing the blanket was gone. It is just stuff and can be replaced. But my self worth needs some tending too after that hit of rejection.

I am just going to continue to have a good day today and stuff my face with breakfast for dinner tonight and some chocolate too.:happy::hug::hug::hug:

 

[WhiteHatGirl]

Why do you care about what other people think about you?
I'd see a professional about how much it bothers you.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Why do you care about what other people think about you?
I'd see a professional about how much it bothers you.

.

HUH?????? This isn’t about what others think about her, it’s about her daughter, the emotional blackmail, verbal abuse and withholding her grandchildren from seeing their grandmother. And she is seeing a therapist!!!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you @She Cat I thread banned her for being so rude and ignorant. Thank you so much again, much appreciation and you actually just made my day.:D:D:cool::cool::cool::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain I was just very very confused about her reply to you!!!