Going no contact with a family member that is a narcissist

[Deleted member 12723]

A friend is going to help me with my privacy settings on my facebook account so I will be safe from further attacks from my Narc daughter.

I will continue with no contact as I find I do so much better. I am sad to have to disconnect from the kids but I am willing to do whatever it takes.

My self esteem has really taken some big hits with this recent new smear campaign. I am going to choose the way of what I do not know cannot hurt me. I am finally getting in touch with some really angry feelings towards what she has been doing continuing to maliciously attack me in this vindictive way.

I am healing again slowly, but I know I will begin to feel better the longer I stay far away from the whole family. It has become such a source of grief for me. It tears me apart that she dragged the grandkids into it but it shows how much she has deteriorated.

I need help repairing my tattered self esteem. I am actually finding myself taking some backward steps and I find myself back in a place I have not been in for such a long time and I hate it and do not want to be here. I just do not have the energy to waste anymore.

So I am going to do self care and keep on going forwards in my life doing my best to reach out for help and support, because I need that very much right now. I realize that I am not alone going through this experience, sadly many people are also going through soul murders with their own Narcissists in their lives. I think I will watch some more videos and hope I can come across some videos that really meet my needs right now.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

i am beginning to take the steps I needed to take to feel good inside again. First self care order of the day, fix me something hot for breakfast, changed my plans for the day and will still go out but do something else that seems to be a better choice for me.

I do not have motivation or energy this morning having gotten off to a rocky start but I know in my heart that I will be okay eventually. i have things to get done this week and I hope it will be this week. Throwing out some sos's out there to the universe and see what is provided for me for todays needs. Trying to continue to meet needs and not wants, that is the plan anyway.

More fireworks but hey the holiday is all over and will not have another for a few months, giving me time to prepare.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain Don't beat yourself up over this shit, she isn't worth the bad feelings. Narcs are hard to deal with but you need to remember, that she is sick!!!, She is not willing to get well. She enjoys hurting others. She needs to do these things to feel superior to you. She can not take personal responsibility for her words or actions.

You, as far as I know, are not this way, and you are trying to heal yourself and learn ping to do things better. This is on her, not you... Don't let her have power over you, by you feeling bad!!! Take your power back and go do something awesome for yourself, and remember how wonderful you really are!!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@She Cat I am doing way better now and I agree with you that I have been giving my power away to her even if she does not know that and I think the battle for my mind is my job to restore and heal. I had to laugh at the wonderful comment because I have never seen myself as wonderful, but I guess a person has to start somewhere huh? Thanks for being there today with your insights. Much appreciation.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I decided to ignore the whole smear campaign and love my grandson anyway because that is real. I just watched a really good video about loneliness and isolation. I am not going to give my power away to my daughter and I am going to minimally keep the lines of communication open with my grandson without one word about my daughter ever mentioned.

I am being true to my self and feel peace so I know I know I am trusting my gut. I am really learning so much on the fly today.

I also watched another good video about triangulation and so I gather this backstabbing of me has gone on for a very long time. I no longer care what my daughter says or does anymore and so I have become stronger through these experiences. I am not going to play dead for her because of her desire to control what I say or do.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

This morning I had to let go of my grandson. I know what I said, but I cannot be in the middle between him and my daughter. I am removing the target me because no one is going to do it for me. I do not have to prove anything to anyone I decided. I am weary of the chaos, and uproar and the being targeted by my Narc daughter. I want to feel better so I released him today and kept an open door to talk in the future a long way off. I have to continue to go no contact with my daughter. I realized that it may have been my daughter posing as him on facebook, using his phone, and she has already done that once.

So I have peace about this. I am weary of settling for crumbs and my daughter has basically decided that I am not good even for her kids anymore and yet she has trusted me with them since the birth of each. Up until this year when the false accusations started flying my way, I have never before had a problem in this area.

I have discovered a new speaker on youtube videos that is fantastic! So much was explained that made perfect sense to me and he talked about triangulation and baiting. I learned a lot so I am going to continue watching the videos and continue learning about this sick dynamic in play with my Ndaughter and rescue me the best I can from now on. I can never, ever go back. At the beginning of this I could not fathom no contact for the rest of my life but it looks like the only sane way for me to go from now on. I just cannot afford another day of chaos and uproar and malicious hatred directed at me. I am burned so badly, I cannot take anymore.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain it's so hard to let go and walk away, and yet still have such strong feelings for them. They are your flesh and blood. It will get easier as time goes by, I promise. But right now this is too new, too raw. It's been 3 yrs this month for me. I don't know where she is, if she still lives in the same town as I do, or where she is. And honestly, I don't care. We have played this game for yrs. Its actually been a Merry-go-round. I decides to get off of it. I'm happy.

As I have mentioned and you well know, narcissistic people are very hard to deal with. I've heard it's the one mental health diagnosis that even therapist don't want to deal with. Very difficult. So give yourself some slack and treat yourself kindly for awhile. Block all social media, and if you have to block her from emailing you too. Change your number too, if it comes to that. Whatever it takes for you to feel safe and to not deal with the crazy shit!!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so much @She Cat for what you said about no contact being the best way to go. I am so glad that you are happy now. It is pretty fresh and raw for me especially with the grandchildren having to leave them as well now. But I just do not want to do this with my daughter anymore. I have blocked her phone so she cannot text me anymore, she does not have my email and I am staying away from social media until my friend helps me to do the privacy settings. I live an hour away from her and I only think that she can write letters to me and I have already gotten one. I am so encouraged by your life now.

I am very sad to detach from my beloved grandkids who I simply love and adore so much. It is the same old awful feeling to walk away from kids. I guess I will be kind to me because I sure deserve it and I will not beat myself up anymore and I will learn how to be happy once again. Much gratitude.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I just found out that my grandson did not say anything against me, his mom took his phone and did it again. This is not the first time she has pretended to be him. I feel better knowing this about him and I am really proud of him but told him this morning on a text that I had to stop because it was so hard. I told him I would be right here if he ever wanted to talk this morning.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Well my Narc daughter is filing a restraining order against me for harrassment . I have to follow through with this one. She has done this a few times before and always wins. She said I may end up in jail. I feel sick to my stomach right now. I walked into a trap set cleverly for me. I did not see this one coming.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I don't know how she did it but she hacked into my facebook account and was harrassing me and now she says she has all of the evidence she needs. I do not know what is going to happen but frankly I am scared right now. This is pretty real. I will have to get a ride to the town an hour away for court. My friend has got to help me because she told me to stand up to my daughter. I should have just ignored her like I planned. Now I am screwed. She has won restraining orders before. I know she hacked into my account. I have tried all afternoon to report her but to no avail.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain If you haven't blocked her from Facebook, then all she had to do was go to your Facebook page. Or she could have made a dummy Facebook page with the name Susan jones and if you didn't have your privacy setting for ONLY FRIENDS then she or anyone can see your FB page.

So how did you find all this out if you have blocked her on most things????? Never mind I just reread your last post.

Ok, so you screwed up by letting her get to you. Stay off FB and stop letting her get to you. If she brings you to court, ok, then you have a reasoned to stay away...