Going no contact with a family member that is a narcissist

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you @She Cat for being here. I do have a reason to stay away now. It has all been decided for me. I will get through this the best that I can and never forget it. I have to trust in the process. I will lose with grace. I guess I have it coming. I am glad that I have blocked her phone and left her alone on her phone. I will write the kids no more. I will walk away gracefully. I hope it ends there. I wish I had money for a lawyer to help me. But I do not. I suppose I will get served pretty soon. I will beg a ride and ask someone to go with me. I am scared of this but I will get through it the best I can. Now I know in my heart that it is all over for me with the kids.

I feel such relief. I just got off the phone with my friend and she knows someone and I am going to google if I have to go to court for a restraining order because she said I am hardshipped about getting to the courthouse in the first place. I had not thought that there were things I could actually do for myself. I will stay away from facebook and I will leave my family alone. But not once have I called my daughter to harrass her and maybe she can get one against me for texting her son but I never made a threat. My daughter loves the court system because she knows exactly how to play it. It was the great unknown that was freaking me out. I understand a little more now. The damage is done. But she did come to me first with the harrassment. I do have a angry letter from her that I saved. Thanks again for being there.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It said that I could file my side of it in a response, I have to learn how to do that. i may have to go over to my friends house for help on this. I have to show up at court so I am asking for a ride and her son to go with me so I do not have to go alone. I pray he will be able to do this. It would really make such a huge difference for me. I just remembered that it is my daughter I am up against and I am not afraid of her. I was just so freaked out about this whole thing I was not thinking clearly and now I am. I am so glad that early this morning I said I would not text my grandson anymore and I was here if he wanted to talk to me. I cannot imagine what the kids think at this point. I don't know what all she has said to them.

yes she got to me again against my better judgement and I was better off before. Now I know for sure to stay the hell away and more power to her. I cut her loose no holds barred at this point. I am so disgusted with her that she is such a low person that would go this low to me. She is also going to use the child molestation accusations against me and I will see how that one goes because I am innocent. All of my friends tell me that there is nothing I can do against this charge. So far she has not called the police. I have been waiting for this one. That is why I have left her alone.

But today she told me to stay away from the family and so far I have. I have backed off. She does not have proof after today. I do not know yet if I will have any fees incurred or not but I am so broke at the moment. I will just take a chill pill and relax and unwind.

 

[shimmerz]

I guess I have it coming.

Nobody has it coming Rain, and certainly not you. This is a whole different world you are walking in my friend. And there is an actual pattern to this stuff.

And they call us crazy..... :banghead:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you @shimmerz lol it is a strange world at that and they do call us crazy!:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

I do not know yet what her game is. I quit here, I just heard from my friend that I do not have to go to court. I can file a response with my side. I have half a mind to let her have the friggen restraining order but then she would probably play another game if I did. I am just so disgusted with her and fed up. Well she told me today to leave her and her family alone and so I will. Right now it is all out of my hands and the ball is in her court and I think she has totally lost it. On my online group one lady responded with her dad did that to her so I asked her a question and really hope she comes back and answers me with some details. I will wait until I get served and then go from there, I will call the court and see what I can do about this for myself. I am going to have to file a response and I hope that takes care of that. I am just laughing at this point because she has just lost her mind.:rolleyes:

 

[Deleted member 541]

I'm sorry @Rain. Sorry that we have kids like this. I'm sorry that families are so screwed up. Sorry that we have PTSD. I'm sorry for so many things in this world that is wrong. There are minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months that go by, and I pray that it will just end. But it doesn't. The whole world is nuts!!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so much @She Cat for the comfort. I needed it this morning. You are right of course. I just want to heal and move on with my life. I am thinking that possibly she was drunk and since she removed all evidence, that may be the end of it, I am hoping anyway. I am not guilty of making any threats or harrassing her or stalking her in any way.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Just be prepared for the next onslaught @Rain because it will come. You need to be resolute that you will not fall into the trap, no matter how vicious, or convincing or even if you feel it's an honest reach out from her. DO NOT Resond. I bet that if you don't repsond, she will start all over again. This is the way they work and you have to be aware of this and know that they are master manipulators and will do and say anything to get your attention, just to hurt you again......

They manipulate, they are opportunistic, and they will inflict emotional, physical, and mental harm when they see fit. Please be wary!!!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you for the heads up @She Cat I appreciate the help so much. My stomach kind of sank when you said there will be more. I have chosen to go no contact with the entire family and stay far away from them all. I have made no threats and I am not guilty of harrassing or stalking them. This helps me a great deal. I think she will file for the restraining order and I think a judge will toss it out. I just want to be left alone from now on because I do so much better. Why is she coming after me? Because when I had my savings, I had put a large chunk of money down on a camero and was making payments I know stupid.....and I had to allow the car to be taken from her in a repo deal because she was driving it with no insurance. I think that is what this is all about really. I do not know how far she is wanting to take this but I am never going to speak to her again.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have to go and pick up a prescription for anxiety, not a benzo. i really hope it helps me. I am doing what I can to prepare for being alone this weekend. I got a suggestion to call a womans shelter to see if they can help me. I will do that later on after I get back from the pharmacy. I cannot fathom this kind of hatred leveled at me. So vengeful. I know that she is a full blown alcoholic and gets blackouts when she drinks and I wish she had not come after me, that is what is so scary.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain There is always more with vengeful people, they don't know how to stop. She will most likely do more and more, just to see if she can get you to react. It's what fuels her needs. She needs the fight, the arguing, she needs to feel empowered over you. As long as you DON'T give in, she will persist until she finds another victim to lash her assault on.

I've dealt with this type of person before. I kept my cool, and I eventually brought the person into court and I WON the case, by having patience, and evidence as to what he was doing. The judge listen to all of my complaints, he looked at the evidence and then he looked at the guy, let him talk for about 3 minutes, and told him to stop. He then fined him and issued a restraining order.

So, keep your cool, document everything, and whatever you do.... DO NOT RESPOND.... If she should threaten you verbally or in written form then you involve the police. Do everything by the book......

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you @She Cat for being here today. It is a quiet day. My anxiety is very high today and I am staying home because of it and the heat wave and do not want to go out on the freeways either in this heat. I will go tomorrow morning when i feel cooler and less like this.

What was your coping methods to use when you were going through your experiences that did help you a lot? I also want to know how this works on a restraining order? I know that she has to put reasons that she is filing the order for on the form. I have to wait until I get served to find out the details.

Did you ever go through anything like this with your daughter. I do not want to see her at court either. I do not want to see her at all. She will have her boyfriend there too. She never goes alone to these things. She is smart and knows how to work the system. I am overthinking this again so I will stop for now. Thank you so much for being here today.I cannot thank you enough.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain. No, never with my daughter did I go through court shit. She knew better than to screw with me in that manner. I have 2 attorneys, that would come to my defense if needed, for free. They have before... it was an ex-boyfriend. He harassed me for months. I did nothing, except I went to the police dept and informed them and then filed a complaint so that I could have my phone tapped by the phone company. Once I had successfully caught him on a phone trace, the police then brought the case forward. One of my attorney's came with me to the court the day the case was brought forward.

My coping skills??? Patience and I knew I was in the right, and he was in the wrong. THAT Kept me going. I have this weird thing about right and wrong and personal responsiblity. When I'm right, I will fight tooth and nail. When I'm wrong, I will admit I'm wrong. It's just the way, I've always been. My only issue is when this happens, and people accuse me of doing something I'm not doing, sometimes because of the situation and my mind set, I spiral into depression. I destest being called a liar, as it's a huge trigger for me and I will sometimes become suicidal. It just depends on the person saying it and the mindset I'm in.

Patience and knowing that you haven't done anything wrong, should be the thing that you lean on the most for support!!! Honesty is a huge motivator and for me it serves as a support....