Going no contact with a family member that is a narcissist

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you @She Cat I will hang onto hope and my truth and become quite patient, I am going to do this.She has not served me yet, but I am glad to know that the burden of proof is full on her.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I feel one hundred percent better now with no anxiety at all what so ever. I did not get served today, she removed every trace of her hacking into my account after I told her I was going to report her. I think she was so drunk so last night and wanted to feed off me as a source of supply to dump her rage on. She so totally messed up her posts with out of control behaviours and words that it was unusable for proof that I was stalking her and she was the one that looked crazy.

From now on I document everything and ignore her. I am walking away from my beloved grandkids and I hope the best for them. She has nothing against me for proof for a restraining order. I was just so scared to death but I do take this as a wake up call and realize that she wants to get me and will keep on trying different angles. This is like a bizarre war, but she has lost control over herself with her drinking. A friend of mine told me today that her only source of support is her boyfriend who puts up with her drunken binges and comforts her and supports her in her nonsense. He may get burned out and not put up with as much as before if I get lucky. I am sorry for the kids but I have done what I could to tell them who I am and that I love them very much.

I do not think she is going to file the order this time. But I take this as a warning to stay far away from her and the kids until they contact me when they become legal adults if and when that happens.

I have six months left with the older one and we will see. I do feel so much relief right now. But I will keep my guard up and be prepared for the next go round. Thank you so much @She Cat.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain Just checking in and seeing how things are going????

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you for caring, @She Cat she has left me alone for now. I still plan on ignoring the next attempt she makes for me break no contact. I am ready this time for it to come from any means necessary for her. I am feeling so much better and have no intention of contacting the kids, I have chosen to wait and see if they will contact me when they each turn eighteen years old. I have my grandson doing that in six months, and hopefully by that time I will be in a much better place.

She has no idea of how badly she scared me with the threat about filing the restraining order. I do not think she has the money nor the gas nor a decent car to file a frivolous restraining order but then again, I will not be unprepared if she does by the odd chance.

I am still watching the videos and learning how to do no contact and make it happen for me. I do not want to give her any more rent free space in my head either. I so want to become free of her once and for all. I understanding that she will eventually try to hook me in again at some point and she plays so dirty that I am sure it will affect me but not enough to get me to engage with her ever again.

I so appreciate your support and caring very much, you have no idea how much it means to me. I value your opinions and thoughts so much and I admire you for your strong stand with your own daughter as well. Please take care and be well. If you ever think of anything, I have not please tell me, I would really appreciate it so much.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Just keep your wits about you and don't engage.....

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Just keep your wits about you and don't engage.....

Thank you, this is my goal and intentions.

 

[Heather]

Hugs @Rain

You are doing everything you can to disengage from the craziness. I wish only good things for you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Heather thank you so much for the validation, I really needed some. I am doing well on not thinking nor obsessing about my family which is helping me so much to continue to go forwards. I feel so unmotivated today and I am guessing it is the let down aftermath of a adrenalin rush I had been experiencing. I trust that I will eventually balance out. Nightmare last night of someone trying to get me, I guess I can figure out this one pretty easily. I cannot wait until the feelings pass, yet I am trying to just allow them to be so I can continue to feel them and sort through and find out what I need and want right now.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain As I mentioned earlier in this thread.... This will take time, as the pain is raw and new. Time will help, staying busy, DBT work will help, refocusing on other things, doing fun things, going out with friends. Just doing healthy distracting things.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@She Cat thank you about the reminder about the pain being raw and new because I am having a down day today, I know it will pass. It is mostly sadness about being cut off from the grandkids because they have been such a big part of my life since they were born.

My daughter so far, has been staying away and leaving me alone. I really do not miss her at all anymore and do not want to see her or hear from her either. I need to build up my own life and at the present moment, I just plain do not feel like doing anything today, although I have been keeping busy. I am in a new place in the process and I see the huge void in my life and the gaping hole I have in my heart from where the kids have been. It is going to be an adjustment for me and will take a lot of work and patience with me. I hate grief work but today I am grieving the loss of the kids and realize that there is not a damn thing I can do about this until the older one turns eighteen years old in six months and then explore my options available at that time to see if he is even interested in reconnecting.

I will not always be grieving and I look forward to my own healing process and rebuilding my life from stratch all over again. I am so angry at my daughter today.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Something new is happening at long last, I am experiencing a blessed forgetfulness about my daughter and going through so many moments of not thinking about her and it is such a big relief for my tired mind. I, on the suggestion of a good friend, am writing the kids letters that I do plan on sending to them but if they eventually come back to see me to have a connection again, I do plan on giving the kids my letters to show them that I never stopped loving them and what a real good outlet this is for me. It is a very healthy thing to do. I had a very good day yesterday and today looks promising as well.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain you're an adult and capable of making your own decisions. My only thought on you sending the kids letters..... It's going to piss off your daughter big time, and it's going to upset the Apple cart that right now is very very quiet!!!! Why, stir shit, when you don't need too??? I just think that on a holiday, the kids birthday, or Christmas would be a better opportunity to tell them you love them..... JMHO!!!