Going no contact with a family member that is a narcissist

[Deleted member 12723]

@She Cat I meant to say I am not sending the letters!!!!! That was my error in typing mistake. I have no intention of sending the letters at all. Sorry :confused::confused::confused::(

 

[Deleted member 37085]

utting all contact off is so very painful because my dream of having a loving and happy family is now completely dead. I have a hard time with this one.

So do I @Rain...so do I and the hollow days crush me so... Well, this probably will not help you...I want to...oh yes...because you give so much of yourself here in forum... yes you do! So, what I did recently that went so against my better judgment was sent my narc sister who is in extreme denial for everything sexually, physically, emotionally that was done to fracture us and now prevent her from wanting to try and love me...at all...was I sent her a rose bush birthday gift. Honestly, did I do this for her...sort of @Rain...I also was motivated to do this for me...so when 7/18 gets here I will not wallow in self-pity and shame for not sending her birthday well wishes. Every year for oh so many birthdays, I've only sent card, of course no response. And I felt so much distance from me to her (forget her distance she's put between us) I am focusing only on the distance I've put between myself and her...that's what's most important to me. I do not want to lie on my death bed and regret not having tried to fill the gap in distance between sister and self. NO! This will not happen now!!! @Rain.

I don't have to act how I am treated by others!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@She Cat I will only send the letters to the kids after they turn 18 years old on the condition that they make the effort to come and see me first. I am so sorry if I upset you but my ill thought post. I should have made this clear in the first place, do not know what was going on with me at all.:confused::confused::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain OMGoodness you did not upset me. I just wanted you to rethink sending anything to the kids, for fear the the quiet you've had would turn to shit and upset. Christmas time, I would send gifts or $$. Even though she might send them back, if she's really mean.... you're doing great, just keep the focus on you!!!!,

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@She Cat :hug::hug::hug: There is no way that I am going to upset the quiet. I am counting my blessings each day of blissed silence. You think at Christmas time it is worth a try? I will consider this one. She could send them back I do not know how far up her ass, her head goes yet.:(

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@JadesJewel well I wish you the best on this one. I hope this gift gives you peace of mind at long last.

 

[Heather]

@Rain :hug:. I know this is so hard for you but you are taking steps that are necessary to keep you safe.

Kudos to you....that takes a lot of courage!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so much @Heather :hug: I appreciate you encouraging me today, I really needed it. Funny, I do not feel brave at all. But I guess you are correct. I am taking steps to keep me safe. This is really very hard as well.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@JadesJewel well I wish you the best on this one. I hope this gift gives you peace of...

I do feel a calm, yes a peace within me this moment in time @Rain. As I said already, when I am looking back on what I did to try and bridge the gap between sis and me, I will no longer come up empty-handed in this department, not anymore. Nope. This for me is not about how I've been and even continue to be treated by my sister. This is now how I respond to silent treatment, and who I am as a person, sister, human being. It's not about her (sister) and her condescending behaviors anymore as by how she has so cruelly treated me well, as I've allowed her in the past to define me. And because she actually tried to through flowers, reach out to me in 2002(?) and I blew it then I will until I draw my last breath continue to show her love the best ways that I can regardless of how I am treated. I really do not have any expectations about the outcome of having sent gift to her. It's not about that - her reaction - pleased, displeased. Not about that. It's about my inner-healing and feeling like the chains around me have been broken by love. I showed love, I sent love, and I gave love. How she receives my love @Rain is none of my business unless she makes it my business. That's all I saying here for this is about me and my behaviors, and how I treat her, and others - you know, how I'd so very much like to be treated @Rain. That's all.

How do you eat an elephant...one bite at a time, and how do you remove a mountain...one pebble at a time. No one can define me if I do not allow them to and I no longer wish to reciprocate giving her the silent treatment so this era of self-imposed silence on my end has ended when she received her rose bush gift. I now am in control of my relationship with my sister and she has lost all control over me. And I am filled with love now and she cannot take this away from me ever. And for this sole reason I have peace tonight this moment @Rain deep down in my soul. Yes I do. I hope it's okay that I shared on such a deep personal level here. Hope it's okay.

 

[Heather]

@Rain I don't feel brave either but I do what I need to do and so are you! So, I know what you mean

Call it the cloak of courage... Lol

Hugs

 

[shimmerz]

Protecting yourself from caustic people is the ultimate in self care. Keep moving my friend. Carve out the life that you want to live with people surrounding you that support you. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Heather LOL thanks for making me laugh!:roflmao::roflmao: I will call it the cloak of courage from now on, besides I can always use it for later.:hug::hug:

@shimmerz :hug: thank you, I am trying to do that very thing. Thank you for the encouragement.