Going To Say Something That Comes Out All Wrong.

[Philippa]

I dont know if this has anything to do with it, but people who are very open minded and maybe certain thinking styles, have within them the quick with and ability to voice an opinion on either side of the coin.

I definitely am like this. So much so that often I catch myself and can't help thinking "I'm a walking frikkin' contradiction." :D I see so much from all different perspectives that I have trouble choosing which one I actually agree with the most, or form a real opinion about it. I aim for total understanding of an issue, not taking sides with one point of view because I happen to be female (with feminist debates for example)

For example, my daughter participated in debates in high schoo that were impromtu, not knowing the subject or side they would be given, then having only 5 minutes to prepare this debate. It was not necessarily her true belief, but suited her because she could argue with a meatball. She became an attorney which suits her perfect.

that's really interesting. Thanks brat17. :)

I think we all have this within all of us. However, if people are leaning toward a particular side of the coin, some will go along with the majority while others will point out the other side of the coin. It does not mean that you believe it, but the facts do exist. I think it takes a strong person to do that. This might not be at all what you mean.

Well, it does strike a cord with me, but the incidences I'm speaking about...or the one that stands out to me the most, although I can't quite remember the actual context, the basic outcome was that I spoke it, and it wasn't what I actually did think about a subject...and it felt like I was being fake in saying it...but maybe I was just doing as you say and judged myself too harshly for it instead of recognising it for what it was? I was in a pretty low place at the time.

But I realized that it was my bad, I spoke too soon and was thinking of 2 different things at the same time. After giving it thought, I personally know of a case locally, was on national news, the judge listened to the tape and awarded a judgement.

This feels familiar. I think with ptsd because our brains can get so jumbled and chaotic, it's easy for things to slip out that are not in context.

I would not say that I use to be a very opinionated person, but I could see both sides, or the big picture of a topic more easily. It is much harder for me now. I use to have the ability to see many perspectives easily, now its kind of limited at first, but if I give it more thought, the bigger range is still within me, just harder to retrieve.

Yes, I can relate to this. I have to really spend a lot of time to grasp stuff that is going on and think critically about it these days. I attempted to get back in touch with what was going on with the feminist vs mra debates going on at the moment and see where it's all at, and boy did I overload my brain and fry it on all the crap out there.

I still haven't sorted through a lot of the information. I had to take time out. I see from men's rights advocates point of view and it's valid to a degree, but then I can watch other radical feminists who say stuff I can relate to in my life...but when I recently experienced for myself the browbeating that can go on in feminist culture it really turned me off them, and I renounced the culture all together.

Anyway, this really helped a lot, again, thanks. :)

 

[jmni]

I guess they harassed me because they are jerks and that is just their nature.

This sounds a lot like it. What baffles me is that I changed so drastically from someone who didn't care what people thought to caving in to that pressure. I think it mainly had to do with the few friends I had at the time, and how much and badly I needed friends to be there for me.

I lost my voice in general. I did not care what anyone thought of me even though I had been sexually assaulted. What caused me to crack under that pressure was that like you, I was not around my friends. I was not around anyone that loved me or showed me any love. I was not able to have fun and when I did try I hit a brick wall. Everyone around me told me that they didn't like me and everything about me was scrutinized. The people that were around me were awful and they are not the kind of people who's opinion it would be possible to even care about if I had wanted to. Gradually I lost my personality as well. Once I did not care what people thought, but eventually I found myself in the position where what people thought is all that mattered. And all I wanted was a job.

 

[Philippa]

I guess they harassed me because they are jerks and that is just their nature.

Sounds like it. :(

What caused me to crack under that pressure was that like you, I was not around my friends. I was not around anyone that loved me or showed me any love. The people that were around me were awful and they are not the kind of people who's opinion it would be possible to even care about if I had wanted to.Gradually I lost my personality as well.

Gosh, this disorder really sucks beyond words. It sent us all back to square one. I've been forced to live this reality where I see the old, wonderful, strong me with the attitude of 'if they like me they like me, if they don't that's cool too' in other people I meet, and now I'm the one who tries too hard to be liked and worries about being liked, when I know that isn't what people like so of course they aren't going to like me, but still can't help it? It's some kind of cruel joke.

 

[mamachick]

"Im not for everybody" LOL and that is a really true statement. I care what some think, those that I have respect and admiration for, but those are the same people that can agree to disagree, and dont have to make a conclusion that there is a right and wrong, and would rather be happy than right, just like myself.

 

[jmni]

It's some kind of cruel joke.

That is how I feel too. At this point I have almost no friends and I am not much more than a recluse. I am not even interested in whether people like me or not because I would rather not be around people. I miss adventure and I miss the pleasure I would take in simple things ...