Going To Say Something That Comes Out All Wrong.

[Philippa]

I know we've already covered the symptom many of us have had living with ptsd, where we go to talk and it comes out as word salad, and makes us all look dumb or feel dumb.

I'm wondering if there are any people here who have also had the experience of hearing someone speak about a certain subject that you are interested in, and you go to try and contribute to the conversation knowing what you know about the subject, only to have something completely wrong and totally not what you actually do think about that topic come out instead...leaving you in a predicament where you can't really take it back because you've already put it out there, and the person now thinks you think a certain way that you don't really think about the subject?

It can't just be me can it?

I've had this happen quite a few times now, and every time I'm thinking in my head "What the f*ck...why did I just say that, that's not what I really think?"

 

[J_trustno1]

I don't know if you have experienced what I have. Well, with some people we will always have personality clashes and no matter how right we are we will always be considered wrong. If this has happened to you then count me as being on your side as well. We just can't win a lot of people. Yes, it leads to frustration but let it be. I've had conflicts with people who did their best to make me feel wrong even when I was 100% right on that topic. Till last year I used to fuss over how people behaved and why they behaved. I cared about the truth n honesty so much but in the end I realised that I can't change people's opinion but leave them with their thoughts. The only credit goes to my T whom I met at the end of last year. Yes, I still struggle with this but IMHO it is best to ignore them and stick to your principals. I don't know if this answered your question.

 

[jmni]

Well ever since I've developed ptsd it seems as though I feel less articulate. But I also feel like this is sort of in my mind. In most cases I do not think there is anything wrong with what I've said. But in general I know what you mean. I say something and then I feel scrutinized when people observe me in response. It makes me feel vulnerable and if they don't like it I feel ashamed. I think the problem lies in is that ptsd is largely a hyperactive feeling of shame and guilt.

 

[Philippa]

I don't know if this answered your question.

No, this isn't really the same as what I was talking about, though I have also experienced what you are talking about. Most people like to think they are right about most things. They are deathly afraid of being wrong about anything, so they think that if they are right then the other person must be wrong, and in thinking that, they miss the opportunity to actually learn something they may not know, and see things from a different perspective.[DOUBLEPOST=1399813799,1399813669][/DOUBLEPOST]

But in general I know what you mean. I say something and then I feel scrutinized when people observe me in response.

Maybe I didn't convey it well enough?

What I meant was that when I say something about a topic I think I know something about, sometimes what I mean to say actually comes out to be the total opposite or something I don't even think, and then I can't take it back because I've already said it and the person thinks that I think that.

 

[jmni]

But in general I know what you mean. I say something and then I feel scrutinized when people observe me in response.

Maybe I didn't convey it well enough?

But I did understand what you meant, I was just suggesting that you feel you are not communicating effectively and that that could be in your head.

I've been feeling like I am the worlds worst communicator for years and years. But in reality I think I am fine and that is mostly in my head. Perhaps you get sort of nervous to speak and then it comes out in a way you did not like, after you've said it. I'm not sure what would cause you to say something you do not believe or think or to say the opposite of what you think, but if it is just a conversation and you have not said something really offensive it should actually be ok. Can you give an example?

 

[Philippa]

Oh ok, I think when I read your first comment I might have read what you said as meaning that I would get all worried about how other people would think of me or if they would like me, and I guess there was some feelings of that afterwards, but mostly it was that I would just blurt out something totally different to what I actually wanted to say and what I really thought, which left me baffled.

But I do also sometimes get nervous to speak. It's gotten better over the last few years, but at one point I stopped speaking all together, but that was for a few different reasons. And the thing about people not liking me, that has been a bain for me in recent years as well, now that you mention it.

Prior to my diagnosis, I was very much a strong minded person, with the attitude that if people like me they like me, and if they don't they don't, and I really don't mind either way, but I've received feedback in the last 10 years from different people, that I was giving off this impression that I was worried that people around me didn't like me...and was insecure about it. It baffled me because I was never like that, and I hate that I've fallen into that kind of fearful thinking. It makes me feel anxious just contemplating that this is what I became like, but couldn't see it.

The woman who attacked me in the workplace told me I was like this, but she said it in a really mean, horrible way to make me feel bad, not to help me. She wasn't a friend.

It wasn't so much that I was worried about offending anyone...I know I didn't. It was more that I said something I didn't actually really think or believe, but said it as though I did and then couldn't work out why I said it. I also couldn't take it back because I'd already said it and the person thought that was what I meant. I really don't know what that was about? It was like I was speaking someone elses opinion, but it wasn't mine...?

I can't really think of the exact conversation where this stood out for me, so I'm sorry I can't provide an example.

 

[madmax]

Just happened to me at a 60 year anniversary party for my in-laws......so special...ugh

 

[mamachick]

I dont know if this has anything to do with it, but people who are very open minded and maybe certain thinking styles, have within them the quick with and ability to voice an opinion on either side of the coin. For example, my daughter participated in debates in high schoo that were impromtu, not knowing the subject or side they would be given, then having only 5 minutes to prepare this debate. It was not necessarily her true belief, but suited her because she could argue with a meatball. She became an attorney which suits her perfect.

I think we all have this within all of us. However, if people are leaning toward a particular side of the coin, some will go along with the majority while others will point out the other side of the coin. It does not mean that you believe it, but the facts do exist. I think it takes a strong person to do that. This might not be at all what you mean.

Another thing I noticed that I did myself-someone was saying that phone audio tapes(harrassment) are not admissable in court. I immediately thought that they are-knowing in the state that I live, as long as one person is aware the conversation is being taped, it is legal. I spoke to soon and said they are admissable. This woman got real mad as she said her ex husband harrassed her and tape not allowed. I immediately agologized and said " let me rephrase that"-it is legal to tape......and a police officer can testify as what he heard on the tape. This woman was a raging witch about it, so I just dropped out of the conversation. But I realized that it was my bad, I spoke too soon and was thinking of 2 different things at the same time. After giving it thought, I personally know of a case locally, was on national news, the judge listened to the tape and awarded a judgement.

I would not say that I use to be a very opinionated person, but I could see both sides, or the big picture of a topic more easily. It is much harder for me now. I use to have the ability to see many perspectives easily, now its kind of limited at first, but if I give it more thought, the bigger range is still within me, just harder to retrieve.

 

[jmni]

About ten years ago I was in a car accident and my parents harassed me about it endlessly. I was sued for personal injury and it was most likely just a frivolous suit for money. I was talking about ambulance chaser suits with someone later and he said that he thought most of those people only sued for money. And even though I felt I had been sued for that exact reason I sort of copped an attitude about it and expressed the alternative opinion as if I was someone who would of sued, rather than being the one who was sued. I think I had been harassed so badly about it I felt ashamed and was almost pretending to be the opposite to escape my state; I generally hated my life at this point. After saying that and acting that way I did a double take...

When I was a dealer (of cards) I would definitely act differently and say things not in my character. Because I was there and I felt so much pressure to fit in but so much rejection because I was not able to be myself. It was not me.

 

[NovemberStar]

I would think any forum, whether or not it's in person or probably more so online (since you can't tell 'tone' in typed posts) that if your have a group of people with mental health issues, there are always going to be misunderstandings! Heck, ANY group situation, there will be, but I think that because we struggle with mental illness, there will be a much higher tendency to feeling ultra sensitive, more prone to misinterpretation as well as issues of low self esteem, and cognitive ability (due to meds, depression or PTSD, or a combo of all!).

I personally thank the moderators for stepping in and defusing many situations where things otherwise would have turned the forums into a highly explosive, unhealthy, unhelpful, and unsafe place to be - in other words, a whole lot less chaos exists here due to the mods doing a good job!

 

[Philippa]

I would think any forum, whether or not it's in person or probably more so online (since you can't tell 'tone' in typed posts) that if your have a group of people with mental health issues, there are always going to be misunderstandings!

This is true, however, I am not specifically referring to anyone online here. These experiences have occurred mostly with people in my life offline.

 

[Philippa]

About ten years ago I was in a car accident and my parents harassed me about it endlessly.

Why would your parents harass you over this?

And even though I felt I had been sued for that exact reason I sort of copped an attitude about it and expressed the alternative opinion as if I was someone who would of sued, rather than being the one who was sued. I think I had been harassed so badly about it I felt ashamed and was almost pretending to be the opposite to escape my state; I generally hated my life at this point.

Hmmm, this sounds similar to what I was talking about. I wish I could remember the individual incidences rather than just having the memory of recognizing something coming out of my mouth that I didn't actually think. I was with my boyfriend at the time, and he was like my lifeline, so it's possible that I was saying stuff that I knew he would also agree with just to form a stronger bond with him (or thinking that it would in my own mind.) Thanks for the example Junebug...it really helped. :)

When I was a dealer (of cards) I would definitely act differently and say things not in my character. Because I was there and I felt so much pressure to fit in but so much rejection because I was not able to be myself. It was not me.

This sounds a lot like it. What baffles me is that I changed so drastically from someone who didn't care what people thought to caving in to that pressure. I think it mainly had to do with the few friends I had at the time, and how much and badly I needed friends to be there for me. A lot of the time when I was very symptomatic, and after I'd been sexually assaulted, I did not have any friends, and really really needed them.

Prior to this I had CHOSEN not to have friends, as I felt that the friends I did have were dragging me down, or taking up so much of my time that I had trouble focussing on my dreams and where I wanted to go in my life. I learned a very hard lesson about the importance of having friends when I really needed them and no one was there.

Thanks, this was very helpful. :)