Good job that makes me unhappy

[Wyldchyld]

I have a good job. A good relationship. Married for 20 years. She loves me, even likes me most days. My job finally provides enough income to pay bills for the first time. Even covers a bit of fun on the weekends sometimes.

So why do I constantly stop myself from sabotaging my job over and over. I have blown up at my manager and my supervisor over and over and they think its honest feedback. My manager thanks me for it. Sometimes I think im just being a dick. Im good at figuring people out. Revealing truths about them. Twisting the knife if you will. My intellectual way of lashing out.

I have zero chance of progressing at my job. But this pays the bills. The people i work with are good people. Why am I attacking them. Why am i risking my chances of fixing my finances. Even risking my relationship. If i lost this job I would lose my house, my car. Maybe lose my marrage. Why do I still do this? How do i stop? Why cant I just be happy and live a small life?

 

[EveHarrington]

I think that many/most people don’t like their job. Really, I think it’s more of a matter of finding a way to get through the day. What is your motivation? Keeping your house? Your marriage?

Can you make changes? Find a new job?

Are you in therapy?

 

[Justmehere]

Have you thought about volunteering for a cause that you are passionate about? Maybe that would be an outlet for finding meaning rather than sabatoging work.

 

[grit]

I am going to be contrary to the crowd here. I think if you are blowing up like that at work and think this is intellectual...you are not fully awake and probably your wife at home has become a doormat (I can infer that because you said you would lose her if you lose the job....that is not the premise of loving relationship).

Your anger, hostility, aggression is arising from somewhere else and you are taking them to work and trust me...everybody had a person like you at work and they do get fired eventually. You can voice different opinion without being or feeling a dick.

I am so happy for you to have at least (at minimum) this insight. Now please see a therapist and tell him you are hurting from hostility, hate and aggression and let the real work of relaxing your senses begin.

If you have this insight and still get fired and lose your house, marriage and face, then it just means you are becoming stupid.

So I truly hope you take real steps to deal with this volcano before it erupts in a way you do not want.

I am being frank because you are no longer sleep but stubborn now.