SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
I am having a tough day. Like depressed/wondering the point of things day where I couldn't do much all day.
It makes no sense. Things have been tense for a long time, and I had no solutions. Short or long term. For several days I was can't-get-out-of-bed depressed. I couldn't see options, I couldn't enjoy things. It was just bleak and repatative. Finally I had to make some choices to eliviate some of the pressure of the present stuff. I went proactive, did what I was capable of in those situations. Then for a moment I thought I'd have to suffer the consequence of not doing anything for days, at least short term. But I asked for help and I got it.
I am also expecting one of my clients to return for end of may and June. That would settle half of my income needed for those times. So good things.
I mean I still have a lot to figure out.
I even started working out my issues for work and finances and trauma and it seemed like it would help me snap out of a pattern I've had for years.
So again, all good things.
So it makes no sense that there was brief relief yesterday and since then I haven't been off the couch. I sleep, I eat, I watch. I don't get close to the desk where I would attempt work.
I avoid making a work plan. I know I have a lot of it to do, but that was the case for .... I don't know, all the time in the last years.
And I just ... couldn't get off the couch yesterday and today. I'm not upset or anxious or worried. I don't feel present a lot.
WHY? I don't get it. This is the moment to enjoy the fact that at least for the next week or 10 days I'm covered and I can work as much as needed. No looming payments or deadlines in that time. Only as much work as I choose to handle. I need to do a lot, but that is to increase my income, and I set the goals over what there is to be done.
So why did I waste 2 perfectly good days?
It makes no sense. Things have been tense for a long time, and I had no solutions. Short or long term. For several days I was can't-get-out-of-bed depressed. I couldn't see options, I couldn't enjoy things. It was just bleak and repatative. Finally I had to make some choices to eliviate some of the pressure of the present stuff. I went proactive, did what I was capable of in those situations. Then for a moment I thought I'd have to suffer the consequence of not doing anything for days, at least short term. But I asked for help and I got it.
I am also expecting one of my clients to return for end of may and June. That would settle half of my income needed for those times. So good things.
I mean I still have a lot to figure out.
I even started working out my issues for work and finances and trauma and it seemed like it would help me snap out of a pattern I've had for years.
So again, all good things.
So it makes no sense that there was brief relief yesterday and since then I haven't been off the couch. I sleep, I eat, I watch. I don't get close to the desk where I would attempt work.
I avoid making a work plan. I know I have a lot of it to do, but that was the case for .... I don't know, all the time in the last years.
And I just ... couldn't get off the couch yesterday and today. I'm not upset or anxious or worried. I don't feel present a lot.
WHY? I don't get it. This is the moment to enjoy the fact that at least for the next week or 10 days I'm covered and I can work as much as needed. No looming payments or deadlines in that time. Only as much work as I choose to handle. I need to do a lot, but that is to increase my income, and I set the goals over what there is to be done.
So why did I waste 2 perfectly good days?
