Great Now Is My Boss A Trigger Too?

[Jnean]

you know I love my work. Today was rough. My boss thought I was bring passive aggressive and therefore making him feel undermined. However he didn't exactly tell me that until later during the day which is good because I was a bit worked up. He instead decided to explain himself, he says something like because it's apparent someone needs an explanation from him. Then gets up from our meeting right after, basically stormed off and then sounded like he was wrestling with his back pack for the next ten minutes and then wanted to continue. At that point my heart is pounding out of my chest and just couldn't bring myself back. I went to the bathroom, cried and got myself to be who I needed to be for the rest of the meeting. I took a break right after and took a walk, cooled off. When I got back, he wanted to talk to me about what happened to him, how he felt first and then it was my turn. I was feeling angry, I didn't have a filter, I basically told him how I was, I said I was in an abusive relationship before and I refused to walk on egg shells again ever so I can't work in these conditions. That I don't know his expectations, his intentions, or the end result and how if I knew can help. Still can't believe i said those words to him. The first part threw him for a loop but the latter he appreciated. However I still need to keep in mind that he I NOT aware of not taking anything I say or recommend into consideration so please don't be passive agressive and undermine him especially in a meeting with staff. Rather bring to his attention what I am feeling. And on that note, why can't he get a break the same as he gives me when I talk to him the same way or when I need to walk away. I just really hope that I am not allowing him to somehow manipulate me and I pray that his behavior when I see him as a controlling manipulative asshole it does not remind me my past abusive ex boyfriend. I don't know why I even said that, in fact i even said did I say that later on to my coworker who was also with me during our talk. Shitty.

 

[Jnean]

wow I can't believe what has happened. My boss tells me he was up all night over this and has discovered that he takes things personally before he even knows what other peoples intentions are and reacts. He want to work on this and wants me to give him a chance. Wow. Cool. I really love my job.

 

[MCCS]

I have a boss who triggers me as well. Unfortunately I am the same point as you are and cannot tell you how I've resolved it since I haven't. For me, my boss is a micromanager and doesn't validate any issues I've brought to her attention. She claims to be dealing with the other co worker who fails to do his job properly and still places his unfinished work on me, along with my work. This is my conference boss and I am and have been covering a lady on maternity leave for almost a year when she said she'd be gone for 2 months. I'm hoping she comes back soon so I don't have to deal with the unfairness and micromanagement and can move over to the dinning room where I do not receive that treatment. Unfortunately it is not just the co worker who is a trigger, it is my boss as well who blames me for things that weren't done correctly even if I wasn't in the day those things weren't done. I hope things have improved for you since you posted this and if they have I would love to hear how you've coped with it.

 

[Friday]

Missed this before! <grin> Sounds like its working out well :) Love good news!

One thing Ive had to mind in my own life is that while my ex didn't have the right to manage me / control me / etc.? My boss does. Being in control is part of the job description of being The Boss :P I have to catch myself sometimes when someone who is my professional superior gives me an order that, yes, in fact they do have the right to... And not respond or react to them in the same way that I learned to react to my ex. It's a totally weird overlay.

 

[Freedomfighter]

you know I love my work. Today was rough. My boss thought I was bring passive aggressive and therefore mak...

You are hitting on an important issue here. Very often people at work display the same mannerisms as my previous abusers. I can not begin to tell you how much that frightens me, the fear that I feel when having to talk with or work with someone like that completely paralizes my mind.

 

[Jnean]

I'm sorry freedom fighter. Hugs.