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Happiness Challenge Round 2 May 7th

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I read a quote recently:

"Instead of chasing butterflies, sit still and one may alight upon you".

This was said in relation to happiness. I interpret it to mean that sometimes we need to wait for happiness; sometimes doing things that make us happy don't immediately make us happy, but in the long run they will! KEEP AT IT FOLKS!!! And yes, everyone is doing so well, I agree Whitney.
 
For yesterday:

1. I was grateful that my psychiatrist put in to perspective that I couldn't know what I didn't know so that there was no way I could have got it together previously.

I am grateful that I managed feeling so much SI. There is no point beating myself up for things out of my control.

I am grateful that I am aware that I was hardwired by my family to feel bad about myself all the time, when I was a child. I determined to change this baseline.

2. I pushed myself and went and saw a friend yesterday in Sydney whilst I was there and that was good. It was nice to connect.

I also got the insight about challenging my own thinking yesterday and that was helpful.

3. Exercise - walking.

4. Meditation - did quite a bit and refocused my negative thinking and did some relaxation. I also did a Dip in the Ocean.

5. Simply holding a lift open for a mother and her child in a pram.

Today.

1. I am grateful that I got up earlier. I am grateful that I got moving. I am grateful that I can reframe things in my mind.

2. I have had contact with people and have organised to see friends during the next week.

3. Exercise: I didn't complete today. I did go and watch belly dancing classes but I couldn't participate because of my back.

4. Meditation - some relaxation

5. Random Act of Kindness: I put away the clothes I tried on so as not to inconvenience the shop staff.
 
SI is suicidal ideation Sheila. It is feeling like life is so hard that you don't want to be here anymore.

SI is the abbreviation for suicidal ideation which is a medical term for thoughts about or an unusual preoccupation with suicide.

As a small child I constantly had SI - it was a way of coping with the torture of my childhood.
 
Oh, don't feel alone, Ms Spock, I have had it too. The earliest I can recall it was when I was grounded by my parents for 3 months and I daydreamed all the time about slitting my wrists and letting the blood pour out all over their precious furniture, which they seemed to value more than me. They always had all these parties, so their furniture was SO IMPORTANT! Meanwhile they seemed to care little if at all about me, unless I did something "bad". My "bad" had been to skip school for a day, hee hee, but 3 months of being grounded? I think that was a bit much!
 
"But if you pray to God
and seek the favor of the Almighty,
and if you are pure and live with integrity,
he will surely rise up and restore your happy home.
And though you started with little,
you will end with much."
Job 8:5-7
New Living Translation of the Bible
 
Exercise and meditation DONE!

Random act of kindness yesterday - helped a lady who needs to move ASAP by suggesting she get in touch with a lady I know who has a network of people who foster dogs, and then find a permanent place. She had not thought of that!

I am grateful for COOLTH. Nice breeze cool temps to work in today!
I am grateful for good help.
I am grateful for friends who come visit.

Happy memory from yesterday....

Watching L pick up (very gently) baby chicks at the feed store...
 
I have to go back and reread the stuff on habit in Anchor - but here is what I listened to, which is helpful to me, so maybe it will be to you.

Pema Chodron was teaching about "refraining." In buddhist practice there are lists of things to refrain from. The idea is that we get into habits of behavior that keep us unconscious and strengthen habits of mind and emotion that we don't necessarily want. Some of the things on the lists we don't have trouble with. For example: taking life. I don't have a hard time with this one mostly. I put spiders outside and stuff, and I'm really not ever tempted to kill people or mammals (even deer who eat my roses.:mad:) But some items on the list make stuff come up for us. Chodron tells a story about refraining from lying - and she discovered she would tell trivial lies... and that it was actually MORE embarrassing to admit the lie, than the truth would have been to begin with! But it is a habit. It is unconscious. It is actually a way of STAYING unconscious and avoiding some uncomfortable feeling, which is why we do it automatically.

When we try to refrain from doing something habitual like lying, or worrying, or saying bad words - we actually are doing something very very important – we are trying to wake up. Chodron asks us to imagine that we are each the Earth containing deep wisdom and the seeds of positive growth – but that our surface has been cemented over with unconscious habits that prevent us from growing. But like all cement the cement on us develops cracks – and as soon as there is a crack some little tendril of a tiny plant starts to grow out – expressing our potential for wisdom and growth. If we put more cement on the spot (mindlessly exercise the habit) then we cannot grow. But if we refrain from our habitual action, then the plant can grow, and make the crack bigger, and allow us to express more of our genuine potential.

Again, it is important to start small. Just let that little tiny blade of grass come up, just don’t put any more cement over it! Leave it at one layer of cement.
 
1. I am grateful for the insight it will take a good 12 months to stablise after coming off the medication as I learn to deal with everything that the medication was masking.

I am grateful that I feel a little bit better today and able to manage things.

I am grateful for being able to reach out to people and make friends.

2. I have really been considering what I need to do to get on top of all the overwhelming feelings of low self worth, paralysis and feeling bad about myself. I can give back to my parents their stuff that they dumped on me. I can do small things each day to make my life better. In the Happiness Advantage Shawn Archer talks about getting a guy to focus on a small area in his room and keep that clean and I am doing that with my thinking at the moment. Trying to keep one section of my thinking clear each day. It is helping.

3. Exercise: Tai Chi attended this evening. I danced to one song as well.

4. I meditated for two twenty minute periods. One was more successful than the other.

5. Random Act of Kindness: I was friendly to a woman. I was kind to another person. I let a few other people in.
 
Gratefuls: 1. Robins, Blue Jays, and Cardinals, 3 kinds of birds that I see often living here in the forest. 2. My night lamp, so I don't trip or fall. Also I am afraid of the dark, so it helps me a lot with that. I keep it on all the time so I don't forget to turn it on when it gets dark outside, because I would do that daily! 3. That the office worker at my dr's office was kind and understanding about the bus not arriving here because of mechanical malfunction.

Positive: Reading a new book, a historical novel. I like the learning nature of these!

3. Only halkf done so far, just my physical therapy and not even all of what I am supposed to do with that.

4. Done, but procrastinated, which did not help my day at all one bit!

5. My neighbor who often ends up waiting for the bus when I do was sitting inside the door, waiting for the bus. She said it was cold outside so she was going to sit inside. I offered to sit inside with her, even though I had a sweater on and would not have been cold outside. I brought in a chair so we could sit and talk, which we did. Thankfully her bus came on time, so she did not know that mine never showed up. Best only I had to be upset!
 
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