ms spock
VIP Member
No one would ever expect a woman who is raped by a complete stranger to sit down and have Xmas Day or Father's Day or a Birthday or a Social Event, or live their rapist, "forgive and forget" their stranger rapist/s. However as a daughter of a Veteran who has sexually assaulted me since I was about 2ish everyone in the family, people from the school, people from the Catholic Church, people from sporting organisations, old teachers of mine, nuns, priests, extended family, my grandmother, my uncles and aunts, my second, third cousins, shopkeepers, - yes I had to be polite and "get on with my Father" at social occasions, which meant of course I couldn't go.
1 in 4 young women are sexually abused (mostly by relatives) before they turn 16 in Australia. My Father has maintained the rage, and the fabrication that I am a liar, and that I made it up or have false memories, or I was a difficult kid, I was a bad kid, that I am a terrible person, that I am a "disturbed" young person and now a bitter and twisted older daughter etc etc.
He goes everywhere and maintains the rage that he is "a really nice bloke", "a really good man" that he has been unfairly tarred by the same brush of the men that actually do do the rape and sexual assault.
Despite the statistics of 1 in 3 Australian women living with domestic violence in their lives, he is a "good Bloke", "a nice man", "a really hard done by husband with a manipulative wife", and to listen to him - he really, is SO believeable. If he wasn't my Father, and he hadn't done all the things that he has done to me, he is believeable. He is a charismatic, plausible, such Oscar award winning performances of how he is such a lovely bloke, who really has been put through the mill by an ungrateful, daughter.
If he wasn't my Father, and I hadn't been there and experienced and been raped by him, he is plausible enough and good enough story teller I could potentially be sucked in by him. That is concerning. I have been around sexual abuse communities and related communities since I was 15. That is over 30 years of being around courts, conferences, groups, organisations, online groups, grassroots organisations, fund raising, etc etc, and every single man I have met or come across has some variation of my Father's stories of being such a hard done by nice bloke who really has been terribly screwed over. I have never met a single man that has ever owned his shit.
So Happy Father's Day Dad! And to all your hard done by mates! All those poor Australia men, who get so much air time in families, communities, schools, courts, churches, on radio, TV, on the Internet, at BBQs, social occasions etc etc etc. I have NEVER got the air time that my Father gets as he moves amongst his powerful friends and allies. If I ever get 5 minutes to talk about my situation it is because someone really wants to know, but I always get shut down pretty quickly. Yet men like my Father get almost endless space and time to discuss how hard it has been for him to be falsely accused - even though the count of who he sexually abused grows with a few more disclosures every couple of years.
So Happy f*cking Father's Day Dad! And the same to all your hard done by mates! Even the ones that you haven't met - there is a space in our culture for the transmission of intergenerational trauma, and the transmission of intergenerational disadvantage. I can go without housing and food, but my Father was invited to social occassions where he gets unlimited time to talk about how it is so hard for the "nice guys" to get ahead. This is despite the research that my psychiatrist has talked to me about that shows that 96% of allegations of sexual abuse are proved true. 4% are shown to be false. Interesting how HUGE that 4% is - and even on this forum I have seen people believe that someone is not an abuser because they think he is a nice guy, despite reposting threats of physical violence to his ex wife and ex Mother in Law in the chat room.
Yeah all these lying and manipulative children telling all these lies. Shame on us! /end sarcasm.
So Happy f*cking Father's Day Dad! I can barely be present in my body when another person is in the room, and feeling a feeling when someone else is in the room - it is a goal. You are such a NICE man! Wow! Such a great guy! Such a wonderful hard done by man, who has all the structures of our society at your disposal!
So this thread is for all the people who don't have a Father that was worthy of getting a Happy Father's Day greeting. If you have a Father that does deserve that, then this thread is NOT for you, and I ask you to keep out of it. There are so few spaces where you can talk about this stuff. Our society certainly protects the sexual abusers on multiple systemic levels.
1 in 4 young women are sexually abused (mostly by relatives) before they turn 16 in Australia. My Father has maintained the rage, and the fabrication that I am a liar, and that I made it up or have false memories, or I was a difficult kid, I was a bad kid, that I am a terrible person, that I am a "disturbed" young person and now a bitter and twisted older daughter etc etc.
He goes everywhere and maintains the rage that he is "a really nice bloke", "a really good man" that he has been unfairly tarred by the same brush of the men that actually do do the rape and sexual assault.
Despite the statistics of 1 in 3 Australian women living with domestic violence in their lives, he is a "good Bloke", "a nice man", "a really hard done by husband with a manipulative wife", and to listen to him - he really, is SO believeable. If he wasn't my Father, and he hadn't done all the things that he has done to me, he is believeable. He is a charismatic, plausible, such Oscar award winning performances of how he is such a lovely bloke, who really has been put through the mill by an ungrateful, daughter.
If he wasn't my Father, and I hadn't been there and experienced and been raped by him, he is plausible enough and good enough story teller I could potentially be sucked in by him. That is concerning. I have been around sexual abuse communities and related communities since I was 15. That is over 30 years of being around courts, conferences, groups, organisations, online groups, grassroots organisations, fund raising, etc etc, and every single man I have met or come across has some variation of my Father's stories of being such a hard done by nice bloke who really has been terribly screwed over. I have never met a single man that has ever owned his shit.
So Happy Father's Day Dad! And to all your hard done by mates! All those poor Australia men, who get so much air time in families, communities, schools, courts, churches, on radio, TV, on the Internet, at BBQs, social occasions etc etc etc. I have NEVER got the air time that my Father gets as he moves amongst his powerful friends and allies. If I ever get 5 minutes to talk about my situation it is because someone really wants to know, but I always get shut down pretty quickly. Yet men like my Father get almost endless space and time to discuss how hard it has been for him to be falsely accused - even though the count of who he sexually abused grows with a few more disclosures every couple of years.
So Happy f*cking Father's Day Dad! And the same to all your hard done by mates! Even the ones that you haven't met - there is a space in our culture for the transmission of intergenerational trauma, and the transmission of intergenerational disadvantage. I can go without housing and food, but my Father was invited to social occassions where he gets unlimited time to talk about how it is so hard for the "nice guys" to get ahead. This is despite the research that my psychiatrist has talked to me about that shows that 96% of allegations of sexual abuse are proved true. 4% are shown to be false. Interesting how HUGE that 4% is - and even on this forum I have seen people believe that someone is not an abuser because they think he is a nice guy, despite reposting threats of physical violence to his ex wife and ex Mother in Law in the chat room.
Yeah all these lying and manipulative children telling all these lies. Shame on us! /end sarcasm.
So Happy f*cking Father's Day Dad! I can barely be present in my body when another person is in the room, and feeling a feeling when someone else is in the room - it is a goal. You are such a NICE man! Wow! Such a great guy! Such a wonderful hard done by man, who has all the structures of our society at your disposal!
So this thread is for all the people who don't have a Father that was worthy of getting a Happy Father's Day greeting. If you have a Father that does deserve that, then this thread is NOT for you, and I ask you to keep out of it. There are so few spaces where you can talk about this stuff. Our society certainly protects the sexual abusers on multiple systemic levels.
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