Hard time showing affection

[IAHC]

Hi everyone!
So I recently entered a new relationship with someone I care about. He knows about my ptsd and how it was related to sexual assault and is really patient and understanding when it comes to intimacy. However, there is a huge disparity in how affection we are with each other. He is really cuddly and affectionate (I'm so sure his love language is physical touch) and I struggle with that. I don't know why it is so difficult for me or how to overcome my issues with affection. He confronted me on how he feels that the affection is really one-sided and I want to try to be better. I know that I have a ton of emotional blocks with it and any advice is appreciated on how to show him I care!
Thanks so much :))

 

[RoseyViolet]

I think transparency and excellent communication with him is key. I too was a product of sexual abuse and the key to mine and my husband's healthy relationship was to be totally transparent with him in telling him everything, all the pain, heartache and loss. If he loves and cares for you truly, he will appreciate learning more about you and the key to why you act the way you act.
Ask him to be an accountability partner in helping you to heal and trust people again. Have you considered consulting a counselor or attending a sexual survivor's support group? They are very helpful in learning that there is hope and healing after abuse. You can trust again, you can have healing. I found my healing by going to God about it all and reaching out to Him in my darkest hour, in my pit of despair and realizing that I couldn't do it alone without Him. It also came in the decision to forgive my abuser. I know it sounds silly to forgive a person who doesn't seemingly deserve it, in fact, that's how I used to think. Slowly, I realized that I too didn't deserve forgiveness from my sins, but God sent His son to forgive me from my own inherent sinfulness. When I chose to forgive it set me free from the past, the pain and the block to moving on. Even if you don't feel it, decide to forgive and keep forgiving. It's not a once and done thing, it's a decision every single day, sometimes every hour to choose to forgive. I pray you find hope and healing and that you significant other gives grace and patience in your healthy journey.

 

[somerandomguy]

I don't know why it is so difficult for me or how to overcome my issues with affection.

Were you physically affectionate and cuddly before your assault? Then it's likely PTSD. If not, then maybe physical cuddling just isn't the way you show affection.

He confronted me on how he feels that the affection is really one-sided and I want to try to be better.

It's very common for sexual abuse survivors to have a hard time showing affection, me included. While I wanted to be better about showing affection and being intimate with my wife, it was not something I was able to fix by myself. It wasn't until I got into trauma therapy that I was able to even start trying to be more affectionate, and it's something I still struggle with a lot.