Thank you for your responses. It's incredible how the ideas of not being worth the hassle or money of shopping can remain with someone for so long. In this case, it seems to have gone down from generations, from one mother telling her daughter what a burden she is to have to dress and groom to another.
I have really worked to break this pattern, even to where I think I put too much effort into it and it ends up feeling the same to my kids, you know? I have decided to try to separate my feelings from their social, emotional, creative and physical needs, and allow them to call the shots. I've tried to help them feel more confident in small ways that I can afford. I never tell them anything about money or cost.
My oldest is already feeling like a burden because my husband lost his job and has been in college. He still hasn't found a job, so money is tight. She knows so she asks for things sometimes, but she tries to be content.
Church camp seemed to pound a certain frugality into her. I'm not sure how I feel about that. They kinda brain washed my kid, on one hand, and I resent that. But she did have a growth in maturity and awareness of the feelings of others. I can see though that her self esteem waffles and some could be teen hormones.
But being who I am, I first look to blame myself for whatever I see going on. And I know that's a distortion, but I have a tendency to not notice where I do the false guilt thing.
