Does Anyone Else Have A Hard Time Shopping For Clothes?

[Powder]

Update: I still haven't been able to buy a single item since October. I'm wearing falling apart things, etc.

Partly this is due to financial issues that haven't been resolved. Or at least I'm using that to justify the fact I can't buy myself clothing.

The next go-to excuse is that I'm going to lose weight so this won't be my size. :O_o: This is a real problem with PTSD for me though. I do tend to have little control over my clothes size and keep clothes of various sizes just in case I drop 30 lbs again in a couple of months.

The next excuse is my kids need it more than me. Or my husband.

Or my dog needs a vet visit.

Whatever keeps me from having to think about buying clothes, shoes, or anything for myself.

This has gotten really bad. I feel a lot of shame. And I feel frozen/paralyzed to do anything about this. Trapped.

I have tried looking online. I just feel like I don't look like models and don't want to. I'm scared if I look too nice I'll be raped.

Just don't know what to do.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

I'm having clothing issues because I've gained weight. I'm trying to lose weight but that doesn't help the immediate clothing issue. I went out this weekend and bought a few summer outfits even though part of me was saying it was a grand waste of money if I was able to lose weight and the clothes are too big in a few months. I felt incredibly guilty. I kept telling myself that the clothes could be returned as to ease my guilt.

Online shopping is NO help as I bought clothes and compared the online measurements to my actual clothing. Should have been an awesome fit, right? Wrong! I'm not "model size" so the measurements were completely off. We're talking bottoms that were 4" too long------inexcusable IMHO and the clothing is being returned. The clothing looked cute on the model but looked dowdy and matronly on me because of the length issue. Measurements are typically provided for the smaller sizes so can be off if you aren't that exact size. Sorry for the long vent but it really does make clothing shopping online hard when you cannot trust measurements to be relatively close. Thank goodness for free returns, no questions asked. Hundreds of dollars worth of clothing, all being returned. It all spikes my anxiety though. :(

 

[Powder]

@EveHarrington

I feel the same. To explain that "spikes anxiety" is a good way of wording this for sure.

Oh, it's been a massive failure of a day. I feel so tired. My clothes are tight, been sick for weeks on couch potato mode. Just now pulling out of the dive.

My husband saying "No" to a quick workout at the gym sent me over the proverbial edge. I got really angry at him and ranted. He feels it's all me causing all the issues he has with taking me out into public where I can be looked at by men.

Is it normal for husbands to be overprotective and possessive to the point they won't go with their wife to the gym because having other men look at their wife makes them feel sick?

I have gone to the gym here that we have where we live twice and if a male comes in, we have to instantly leave. :(

I have anxiety with men due to CSA trauma, avoidance, frankly. But I don't control his anxiety. I told him so. He seems to think I do.

How flattering. Apparently, I an the Anxiety Fairy, dusting it on everyone I come into contact with and if it were not for me, he'd have not a care in the world.

Sorry, sarcasm is the only way to go at this point. Too angry to take any other tone at the moment.

I'm realizing that is hasn't helped AT ALL that my husband's Anxiety with a capital A about how I look at all times and who might notice how I look draws a ridiculous amount of pressure onto my already maxed out PTSD, CSA traumatized excuse for "self esteem."

He's a lovely person, really is, who seems to have massive anxiety himself. We have that in common. Trouble is, it's contagious and exhausting and needs to be put in its place every once in a while!

He actually compared going with me to the gym as equivalent of forcing me to eat something I am allergic to. I cannot eat a food or I could die. That is not the same as having anxiety. I realize anxiety is truly debilitating. But it's not a "real" danger in and of itself.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have bought all of my clothes on Amazon for a long time. I love it. I do not have to go to a changing room which I hate and since I am overweight now, I have gotten me many soft and comfortable clothes. I could never work at a job where I would have to get dressed up! There is more of a selection of clothes in my size and I have enough good clothes to wear for summer and winter. I am using colors I like now which I did not do before. I have some pretty tye dyed tops for summer. My biggest problem now in getting a job is that one arm is a sleeve of tattoos so I have two very light weight hoodies. And some light weight long sleeved shirts to cover my tattoos.

I used to wear clothes that would turn into rags and I would still wear them all falling apart. I did not have interest in how I looked before. So I have managed to change my style gracefully. I do not have a problem spending money on myself although I have all I need and I am not doing any more shopping. I am no longer wearing rags. I dress for me now, my husband died three years ago so I have no one to get all dressed up for. I love soft, comfortable clothes now. Maybe that is one benefit of aging for me.

 

[EveHarrington]

:(

:hug:

I can see how your husbands anxiety is making you worse.

Instead of learning to trust people your husband is reinforcing your sense of mistrust.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I hate clothes shopping because it is a financial burden. I end up at thrift shops, shifting through old clothes to try to find things that still look good, as part of my coverup is looking attractive and polished.

I've made a really big effort to be better at self care over the years. But it is hard. And the hardest part? Getting compliments -sexual or otherwise- for how I look.

I want to go back to looking like a broken mess sometimes. It was easier.