Has Anyone Ever Sued Their Abuser?

[Deleted member 541]

Xenu, I too, would like to add that if you wasted less time on getting even with your abuser, and spent the energy on healing yourself, things would be a whole lot easier for you....

Healing isn't about revenge, getting even, or settling the score, it's about you, and your mental well being.....Yes, I can see and even understand why some would want to try to sue their abuser......Why not be compensated for the hell that we have been through. But, there is the right way to do this, and that is through a court of law.

 

[clare]

Now that that's been covered,

Has anyone ever done a forensics interview after years have gone by? Has anyone ever sued an institution, i.e. school, hospital or employment when the perp could not be found?

I've only found one legal group so far that's been somewhat helpful-TLPI Trauma Learning Policy Initiative, it's a group of Harvard Law School Lawyers and students that pursue legal avenues for families whose children have been traumatized and need special ed (IEP) but can't get what they need.

Thanks,

clare

 

[Ursa]

I am preparing myself to sue my father as soon as I come back to my country.

I know I cannot do anything to get him guilty because too much time has passed. Even if I was within time I still needed to prove and I have nothing besides my memories. It is my word against his. All I want is a restriction order to make sure he is going to be far away from me and the family I am building.

How can someone actually heal and make PTSD manageable if having to be near the perpetrator? I think it is impossible. So I want to make sure I will have my space.

 

[teknisa]

How can someone actually heal and make PTSD manageable if having to be near the perpetrator? I think it is impossible. So I want to make sure I will have my space.

Ursa I totally understand this and hope that you are able to find the avenue to get your father away from you.

After my parents reported my abuse they told me that my abuser had been sent to a different state to life with relatives, I find out 15 years later that he had been living only 8 blocks from my house (we had moved out of the townhouse I was abused in and they moved as well, but not far!). I was crushed to learn this. I ask myself "how many times have I crossed paths with my abuser and didn't even know it!" The town I am from is very small and my abuser still lives there. It makes me uncomfortable knowing this and I feel that I can't go back to my hometown. What if I were to see this person at the grocery store!!! The ONLY place I want to see my abuser is in court.

Unfortunately the DA said I could do nothing about this. Makes me mad that there is a child molester, MY abuser happily living his life and no one in town knows what he is. What is even worse is that my abuser is on Facebook and friends with some of the people I know. I feel that I have to hide to be away from this guy. Thank god I live in a state 800 miles away now.

So I'm still in the process of finding a lawyer, which is confusing because I don't know exactly where I need to find a lawyer, in my home state or in the state I'm in now. I have not been able to find that information yet. I'm very much persuing a civil lawsuit.

I wish everyone who is taking action through the court system the best of luck and I'm thinking about you all and sending good positive vibes! Feel free to post up progress in this thread!

Hugs all around
tek

 

[tgrl]

We're not allowed to sue the VA.

 

[teknisa]

We're not allowed to sue the VA.

I am sorry to hear this, that is quite a roadblock, I hope the laws are able to be changed.

tek

 

[This Ends Now]

Teknisa,

I am glad to hear that you are focusing your anger into legal courses of action. I know the law is unfair and justice can seem like a myth sometimes. You are doing good by researching your options and speaking with lawyers. You seem to be very well educated about your rights. The fact that your abuser was convicted gives you a bit of an ace in the hole. I am sorry that your parents were not more supportive. I feel your pain. I wish you the best of luck in court. It can be a difficult experience. You will be in my thoughts.

Xenu,

I am sorry to hear that you are still suffering so much with intrusive thoughts of revenge. I struggled with that for many years and it caused me great suffering. As far as what you are and are not legally allowed to do, I would strongly recommend speaking with a criminal lawyer. It is good in general to keep a lawyer on retainer because the law is so messed up and confusing. Plus it seems like the second the law can be understood it is changed. Laws about self defense can vary from state to state as well. Please protect yourself in whatever path you choose.

Tgrl,

I feel your pain as well. No, we cannot sue the VA. Please remember that I am here for you and available if you ever need to talk.

Ursa,

I wish you luck as well. It is good that you are focusing on protecting yourself and your family. Stay strong.

Clair,

I had never even thought about the forensics interview and the advancements that have been made. I am glad you are keeping up with the latest research and activist groups to help survivors. I would love to hear more about the latest research.

She Cat,

You make an excellent point. It reminds me of Uma Thurman's speech about getting even in the first part of Kill Bill. It is hard to define what is fare and just. I am not sure there is such a thing as "getting even". I am glad to hear that you are focusing on yourself and your own healing process. I wish you well.

To All:

I made an attempt at getting belated justice several years ago. I spoke with the police and they turned me down. I spoke with a lawyer and was told my prospects did not look good. I spoke with my doctor and was advised to spend my resources on healing. I cannot say what the best path is for others. I can only share my experience. Trying to go back and fight for the back child support which my father never paid, trying to get assistance for my medical bills, trying to get compensation for my pain and suffering... all of this was very traumatic for me and in the end it was unsuccessful. As difficult and futile as the whole process was, I am glad that at least I tried. The law is unfair but changes can be made. It will take a lot of courage and many legal battles, but I have hope for the future. Changing the law has never been easy. The more unjust the law, the more casualties are needed before change can happen. This applies to many aspects of our legal system.

I wish you all the best,

Liz H.

 

[yell]

In Response To Xenu

Although I agree with the comments that suggest positive energy towards your healing...well everyone's healing...I have to say that I completely understand what your saying. I dream about torturing my grandfather in a nursing home, mutilating my father (but alas...he's dead) and I wrote a vicious rap about my ex-husband. My fantasies are at their peak when I am at my angriest, and in away that's fantastic because I never got angry before.

However, when I actually think about spending MY time, and MY energy on their sorry excuses for a life, well I just can't justify it. Not because it's wrong, illegal or anything else...it's really a waste of my time. I won't get to feel good from it. I probably won't get the response that I want and if I did it probably wouldn't feel like what I expected. Then I start thinking 'living well IS the best revenge', which comes up towards the end of each lovely brutal fantasy.

So, I guess I spend time thinking about having some kind of powerful control over my abusers, but the only action I will take is to prepare for the response when I file for divorce with the reason of 'spousal abuse' instead of 'separation'. But I'm not sure I'm totally ready for that yet either.

My point is Xenu, I get it. You're not alone on this.

As far as suing goes...when your from the streets there's no one and no money to sue for, but best of luck to all those who have the courage, strength, support group and resources to take those *@&%#$ %!&*($^ a##holes for anything you can get.

 

[teknisa]

Thank you to all that have posted. I actually read tgrl's post wrong and thought VA ment Virgina and not THE VA. I still do hope for the best, for everyone.

I don't want to create any false hope for anyone, just to tell people to exhaust your options before you feel that you've lost out on something legally, an non legally in some ways.

I was told by one of the therapists I had a few years ago that if I tried to confront my abuser that I would cause him to start abusing other people. I didn't listen to her because I thought that was asinine!

I've thought of other ways to speak out other than through the justice system. Like writing a book, maybe try to get it published. Write a song, make art. Lots of people become motivational speakers when something bad has happened to them and they want to speak out to others. Write to your congressmen on the topic and how you feel the laws suck. There are also many therapists and psychologists who do those jobs because they have been effected by something in their lives that they needed help in and in turn wanted to help others with the same thing. One of my therapists was in an abusive relationship and was able to work through it, she then felt she could help people with their problems.

All in all I just want people to be aware that they have rights as human beings because for a long time I did not know that I had any rights as a 'victim of crime'

I have also discovered that you can ask google just about anything and get some sort of answer lol

Keep fighting for yourselves because we are ALL worth it!!!!

"A good decision is based on knowledge and not numbers"

"Any man may easily do harm, but not every man can do good to another"

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"

"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws"

"The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs, is to be ruled by evil men"

-Plato

 

[Luthien]

I'm in the process of suing one of my abusers, as well as Family and Children's Services, a corporate group home, and the owners of the group home for 7 months of rape and abuse I endured while in care.

It is over 5 years later, and no end in site. I've just returned from an unsuccessful attempt to settle, in a pre-trial, but keep getting messed around.

It's a LONG hard process, and I had the luxury (LOL) of having nothing to prove in my case. My abuser was convicted after he confessed to it! Everyone at fault had a huge paper trail proving their liability...Still, 5 years and it isn't over.

I know I will be compensated eventually, but for much less than will make it okay. Nothing will ever make it okay, and while having extra money will help, especially in my case, what with numerous health issues and seriously debilitating PTSD, I am not sure if it is worth all the heartache that has been involved in this legal process.

I have a trial date set, and my lawyer says that most likely the defendants will try to setle the day before trial...We'll see.

My lawyer has said that she cannot in good conscience advise that I let it go all the way to a trial, so I may end up with almost nothing to show for any of it after all is said and done.

That said, it is liberating to know that someone is finally being held accountable, and that I am entitled to compensation.

One of the best things for me during this whole trial was to see file after file of peole admitting that they made mistakes, were neglectful and that as a result I was hurt. It is good to know they took responsibility when it all went down. (Something I didn't know)

I think that it has to be a personal choice for everyone whether they decide to try to sue. I recommend that the person weigh all that is involved, and make the best choice for their emotional needs rather than thinking of it as money, because in the end the money will not matter at all.

It wont feel like a big triumph, and it is a hard process (even with undeniable proof of the abuse, and file after file of people taking the blame for it)

I know that my original claim was over 2 million dollars in damages (I was shocked too), but that I will probably walk away with 100 grand at best...

Hope this has been helpful, and sorry if I come across as discouraging or bitter. This is just my truth.

P.S. I am Canadian and this is going down under Canadian law. It is always important to consider local law when attempting something like this.

 

[becvan]

Luthien, I hope to god you win. I was also a CAS victim at one point. I have no paper trail though and no confessions. I would love to see them get their ass handed to them. They need it.

Good for you for hanging in there!

bec

 

[hapa_gurl87]

Hi Teknisa,

You are giving me courage to fight for my rights to. What state do you live in or country. I live in California but the statute of limitations says its too late for me to sue my school. I've never really considered a civil lawsuit I mean primarily cause I only know so much about the law but I'm considering of seeing if thats an option for me so I can get retribution for what caused my trauma.
I am also confused about who to sue I mean I could sue my high school as in the whole highschool but i think I have to direct it at particular people. All I want is pay back from the damage that has been done. I thought closure was a great Idea but now I want justice thats real closure for me not some stupid meeting trying to create peace with the school when I am not ready to create peace. I deserve the money for all the bills and co-pays and insurance increases due to getting therapy and being diagnosed with ptsd. Plus the fact that if I had not dealt with bullying and sexual harassment I probably would be capable of achieving everything I've ever dreampt of but PtSd is a huge dissability for me. It takes away the joy that makes people want to follow their dreams and feel happy!!

I hope that guy who abused you as a child will get the highest punishment for what he did and that you will be able to the sue the crap out of him maybe take all his money for all the years of suffering his harm caused to you.

I almost gave up the fight once I'm not going to give it up again. The fight is what makes me live what fuels me. So for anyone in this forum I have ten words of advice "dont give up the fight" and "stand up for your rights" Thats all you can do to get your life back from what I've learned and maybe you'll spend you're whole life fighting but at least when your fighting for something good and rightouse then you're not only fighting for yourself but the hundreds to millions of other victims and survivors of abuse out there. You give them the voice and a reason also to move forward.

Let me know how things go cause I'm 101% with you on what you're doing. May justice reign over all injustice in this world. Don't let any injustice go censored or unnoticed and may justice always win!!!!