I think
@Deadman nailed it. Safe spaces are sacred, indeed. When I lived in a space I couldn't comfortably roam freely in, I preferred the comfort of my bed, sleeping or not, and had it set up with a lap tray for the laptop and all I needed/wanted within reach, along with a chair for reading when I didn't want to be stretched out.
I was so f'n tired most of the time, it's all I could manage to do. I'd only leave to use the restroom, occasionally dine with the family if it was a really good day, and to head to the kitchen, or the store, or whichever drive-thru I fancied that day to stock up on food and beverages, and to go to the hellish environment I once knew as work. The negative self-talk was a daily routine, too. I'd only been taught how to degrade myself, not love myself.
Doing that for so long greatly contributed to me becoming damn near bed ridden from the rapidly increasing physical side effects of my lifelong learned lifestyle choices and forced and suppressed stressors. Now that the offspring have flown the coop, I resigned from the job that was taking me under, and we've greatly downsized and moved to a wide open space I can comfortably explore and grow things on, I'm finally eager to get out of bed more often than not.
I also used to be a shift worker in a high stress environment for over 13 years, a f/t step-mom for 10 of those years, and never felt like I could get enough sleep. Would be up until the sun came up and would then sleep in shifts depending on the kids' needs and such. Fueled my body with tons of caffeine, fast food, frozen food, sugar, snack machine items, and all things artificial and convenient. Even after I resigned, my body stayed in those habitual grooves, until it began to painfully and rapidly shut down and demand attention.
Once we moved and I drastically changed my consumption habits and daily activity levels, my body started naturally wearing down by midnight-ish each night and is up and ready to stay up by 8ish each morning. Once in a great while I'll exceed those hours, and during gardening season, I try to rise with the sun. I haven't been even close to being a morning person since my early teens. Blew me away. I don't feel a strong desire to nap as much as I used to, but they sure are precious when they do happen. I think I used to love sleeping so much because it was the closest I could get to death without the commitment.
