Having possible abuse scenarios play out in my head

[Corvidcore34]

So instead of having flashbacks like used to have, lately I have been having scenarios play out in my mind of my abuser harming me, raping me, or trying to kill me again and while it happens it will feel completely real, I will completely stop what I'm doing and be paralyzed in fear with no way of stopping it until it is completed, has anyone gone through something similar?

 

[arfie]

i have. i suffered full trauma induced amnesia when i started therapy in 1972. emergent memories are extremely vulnerable to the power of suggestion while memories and imaginings intertwined freely. in my own case, there was no way to either confirm or deny which is which, but the sheer quantity and circular nature of the variations suggested they cannot possibly all be reliable memories. i will never know for sure which is which. i just do my honest best with the information available.

for what it's worth
grounding techniques are my first step toward breaking out of a psychotic episode of this kind in order to bring myself back to the here and now.

 

[Friday]

Yep yep. Super common phenomenon.

The technical terms are Intrusive Thoughts and Rumination, and/or ruminating on intrusive thoughts.

***

Sometimes/Oftentimes these also fall under ‘maladaptive daydreaming’ umbrella. Not all intrusive thoughts or ruminations do, but fictitious “what IF” nightmare scenarios would do. The same way the opposite unicorns and rainbows “what IF” trap people often fall into would do. <<< Maladaptive daydreaming is nearly always a self-defense mechanism run amok. Whether it’s warm fuzzies or be prepared! The dissociative aspect of daydreaming is what makes it feel so real, just like a dream can feel real or one can experience real emotions for fictitious characters in a well written book/movie.

Like most things Dysreg? (Anxiety running hot spiking into intrusive thoughts, into dissociation, into panic/terror, into this/that/the other?) Your thoughts/feelings/actions lashing out randomly or in massive overreaction to whatever? The best “trick” I know of is learning to insert a pause.

There are a zillion tips/tricks/ways to deal with the individual aspects that are spinning wildly out of control… but it’s that blink of a -pause- that lets a person start taking control back & beginning to self regulate, again.

ETA… One of the cool things about PTSD is that a person CAN learn to self regulate, again. First by effort, and then it “simply” <cough> happening on it’s own. (Simply in quotes because retraining/resetting the automatic regulation? Both No-small-feat & one that often needs revisiting under times of stress) There are disorders & conditions where dysregulated thoughts/feelings either cannot be reset/retrained, but will need ongoing attention; or cannot be managed at all (without medication). IF you’re comorbid with any of those disorders? (OCD, Bipolar, ADHD, certain kinds of HFA, etc.) then learning to manage intrusive thoughts and rumination will most likely be a 2 pronged affair; using both PTSD skills/tools & skills/tools for the other disorder.

 

[Corvidcore34]

for what it's worth
grounding techniques are my first step toward breaking out of a psychotic episode of this kind in order to bring myself back to the here and now.

I needed to hear this. I thought that maybe because they happen so suddenly I will just have to learn to live with them from now on thank you :)

Sometimes/Oftentimes these also fall under ‘maladaptive daydreaming’ umbrella. Not all intrusive thoughts or ruminations do, but fictitious “what IF” nightmare scenarios would do. The same way the opposite unicorns and rainbows “what IF” trap people often fall into would do. <<< Maladaptive daydreaming is nearly always a self-defense mechanism run amok. Whether it’s warm fuzzies or be prepared! The dissociative aspect of daydreaming is what makes it feel so real, just like a dream can feel real or one can experience real emotions for fictitious characters in a well written book/movie.

That's interesting, I always thought that it was only that if it involved positive daydreaming, which I definitely had. Specially during lockdown, I had months where all I did was daydream being on a different life and things like that, but until the last months or so, when I was left alone with my thoughts I will start daydreaming. I will have to look more into it

The technical terms are Intrusive Thoughts and Rumination, and/or ruminating on intrusive thoughts.

I always heard of rumination but I have no idea what it is. Will have to look more into it, thank you :)

 

[Movingforward10]

Good advice above.
I also day dream like that and make up events in my head about being raped again and what would happen, or something traumatic happening. Half of it I think is because I'm feeling something from trauma and then feel the need to invent a traumatic event to sort of pin those traumatic feelings onto. Gives me a sense of being justified to have those feelings. Which is also defense against actually letting those feelings out in connection with the events that caused them. If that makes any sense.
Much better making up events in my head than dealing with what happened.

Thought stopping is good. Being aware you are doing it is a great step. Sometimes I carry on with the daydream but with acknowledgment about what I'm doing. Not sure that is good. Idk.

But it's great you're aware and you can practice giving yourself counter messages of "I don't need to think this" or whatever works for you.

 

[Sues]

Yep, me too. It sucks

 

[juliana]

So instead of having flashbacks like used to have, lately I have been having scenarios play out in my mind of my abuser harming me, raping me, or trying to kill me again and while it happens it will feel completely real, I will completely stop what I'm doing and be paralyzed in fear with no way of stopping it until it is completed, has anyone gone through something similar?

That sounds really difficult I am sorry that is happening. I do stuff sorta of like this in my relationships sometimes about that abolish the police group that I witnessed the violent crime when I was around. I get very scared when I meet most new people that they could be someone from that group. I am tried joining clubs at the college I went to and someone in one of the clubs did something that triggered me so much like over and over again about that stuff. One of the member of the leaders of the club had on their Instagram something about abolish the police. I still do not know if Juliette is or is or is not a member of abolish the police its a simple yes or no I don't know. But once I found that out and all that stuff that happend started triggering me more. I started to get like terrified that the group was actual that abloish the police group. I still do sometimes when I meet new people and groups. I have been trying to think of I club I could join where I wouldn't see anyone from abolish the police. I will go to worst-case scenario sometimes even if it situation does not require it. It is like I freeze when that happens sometimes when I am really triggered. But, It sounds like for you it going a little further and you are getting intrusive thoughts and memories at the same time. I hope you get some relief from that.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Don’t really have much to contribute other than to stick my hand up and say I do this too. And it fills me with shame.

When I was a kid I did it a lot and imagine myself to be a superhero, or something and be able to stop it or save myself or save someone else.

Nowadays I think it happens when I’m trying to process something or I’ve been triggered.

need to invent a traumatic event to sort of pin those traumatic feelings onto

Essentially this I think.