Having trouble with my wife

[abbynormal1929]

I've been trying to think for a while on how to tell her that I think we should go to couples therapy. Whenever we talk about it she has this way of picking apart what I'm saying, and spinning it around. Sometimes I don't even remember what I was trying to say in the first place. I'll still do my best. Even if you take me out of the picture she sees most clinical intervention as people ganging up on her, or people trying to give her treatment that isn't necessary to get money out of you.

As for my picker, I hadn't really gotten to exercise it much before i met my wife.

I really don't know where I'm going with this, in the text, or the situation.

 

[Sideways]

It sounds like you need some more confidence in the way that you're communicating with her maybe. Looked at in that light? It's definitely something that you can get better at, and get better outcomes.

If she's got a tendency to pick apart what you're saying and misses the bigger picture of the message you're trying to convey, spend some time going over exactly what it is that you want to get across. Focus on the important points, rather than minor goal scoring stuff. And when you think you've said your piece, ask her to give it some thought. Possibly even agree on a time to come back and disciss it further?

 

[abbynormal1929]

I'll do my best...

 

[abbynormal1929]

Not to be too dramatic about it, but it feels like I'm losing my mind. I have to constantly monitor what my face looks like, because she asks me if I hate her if I'm frowning. I'm just so tired, but if I say I'm so tired I just hear how I cant be tired cause her job is more tiring, and I'm not pregnant. Like I'm not allowed to say that I'm tired, cause she has more reason to be tired. Not that she doesn't have good reason to be tired, but I can be tired too. Any way thanks for everyone's input.

 

[Deanna]

Well, wish you the best! Remember, that you can come unglued and then nothing will be right. One thing for sure, she's managed to get your attention much on her and not much on you ( reading through this thread) Be careful.

 

[Fadeaway]

How about some non official therapy that is therapy with out the name? Kinda like ninja therapy. I have found that some meditation groups and other alternative health groups employ many of the same techniques, specifically mindfulness and DBT.

I get the fear of having another C-section. Midwifes are great but unless they are a medical Dr. or a Nurse Practitioner, it can be illegal in some states to see them without also seeing an OBGYN. Lack of appropriate prenatal care can result in child neglect charges. It all depends on your state and even county but heads up. I once lived in a county that went a little over zealous about it.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Have you thought about divorce????

 

[abbynormal1929]

Yes I have thought about divorce. Some nights at work it's all I think about... that and music.

The midwife practice we're going to is seems very good, and gets great reviews. I'm all for it. I'm just worried about how my wife would react if she didn't fit the criteria anymore. Like it has to be between 38 and 42 weeks, and she has a familial history of thick blood and pulmonary emboli. She's pretty apprehensive about having to go to a hospital.

Another issue came up just last night. She had texted her mom, and my mom on my phone (her's was out of batteries). I took out my phone when my text notification went off, and she yanked it out of my hand. I don't like when she does that so I yanked it back out of her hand, and it accidentally bumped into her eye in the process. I apologized, and told her it was an accident, and she said that she knew it was an accident. But she barely said a word to me after that last night. She went and slept on the couch, and this morning she barely said anything to me. I don't know if it's a post trauma response, or if she thinks I'm hiding something on my phone (which has happened in the past), but it's triggering some of my trauma responses related to an intense fear that people are mad at me. I just feel like crap now. I have therapy later today, hopefully that will help.

 

[EveHarrington]

I fail to see any positive traits in this woman or any reason to stay together.

 

[Deleted member 541]

If all you are thinking about at work is divorce and music......... Then I think it's time to DO something, instead of just thinking...

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think perhaps you are too close to the situation to be able to do adequate self care for yourself at this time. I am so happy that you are in therapy for your own sanity. I really think she is hurting you very much and I understand your concerns about surviving alone and with her possibly getting full custody of your child.

How does she treat her daughter? Is she a good mother to her own child that you have observed and feel good about?

I think if you could get away to a quiet place for just a day to sort through all of this you may come up with something that just may help you to be able to move forwards again. It sounds like a terrible living situation for you.

I am just wondering does she do this with you in front of her child too?

 

[The Albatross]

Torpedoing communication and being critical of facial expressions and stuff is her effort to keep the status quo... which is skewed in her favor but problematic for you. People don't like change, people fear change, sounds like she's been running the show for a long while and is running it into the ditch.

Put down some deal breakers after you self examine and stand back and watch the fireworks til she realizes that things absolutely can not go on the way they have been. But you have to mean it and you don't set a boundary you aren't prepared to act on if the person crosses it.