He Doesn't Love Me Anymore

[Beelady]

My boyfriend and I started things off fast. We have both been through a lot before we met. Seemed that helped our connection because we understood our needs/pains etc., he has told me so many times no one understood like I do.

Now I hurt him - I avoided him for a few hours while I had a meltdown - I drank while I was at my house and not his and then drove to him while still upset. I broke his heart, trust and now he doesn't love me he says.

I have been living at his home and he took everything yesterday and put it outside for me to pick up. He doesnt want to talk and said I need to work on me and do it for myself not him. He is not in my life anymore he said,. He said he believes he will never love me again.
I cant handle this.
I am having a hard time not contacting him. How long should I give him? Is this normal with ptsd? Is it really over?

 

[Casey_03]

Wake up @Beelady, for your own sanity, his behavior isn't normal! He is punishing you for having your own emotions! That is called emotional blackmail, it's a pattern in abusive relationships. You did nothing wrong, he shouldn't be punishing you for struggling with your own issues. This is so screwed up. You deserve better. That is the only thing he said that i agree with - yes, you do need time to work on you. Because if you can't see that the way he is treating you is wrong, then .... that's just not healthy. Please stop blaming yourself for his shortcomings!

 

[Mytime]

With the info you gave all I can say is, I wish you didn't have to feel this pain. I think you should take some time for yourself and get healthy. It sounds like you have some of your own stuff to work out. If he has PSTD he will not be able to handle your emotions and his own. The more you try to make it work with him the more stress you will put on him. If he needs time for himself gave it to him. If you push yourself or your needs on him it will only go down hill and fast. If you want be there for him you start by being good with yourself. You need to be strong within yourself to support him. You can't help him or fix him only support him. I wish I knew about this support group when my husband was diagnosed PTSD. Because I did everything wrong, and I'm still paying the price. Find you first that's the best thing you can do for yourself and him. Wish you luck

 

[Beelady]

Wake up @Beelady, for your own sanity, his behavior isn't normal! He is punishing yo...

Thank you Casey_03 - I appreciate your listening to me and replying, It means a lot. I am so sick of emotional pain.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think this is a PTSD issue. You promised him that you wouldn't drink. Not only did you drink, but you got drunk and drove to his house. Now he's saying it's over. This isn't a guy who is being symptomatic. This is a guy who has boundaries and has taken action when a boundary was crossed. This is what a healthy person does. Sets boundaries (I don't want to be with someone who drinks) and then removed himself from the situation when that boundary is crossed (The relationship is over).

 

[Beelady]

So I am an a**hole.

It has nothing to do with anything other than that :(
I know myself and do not understand why I did this. I have loved him, loved our relationship and have been so grateful for it. And I threw it away within a matter of a few hours.

I've been praying he will misss me and want me back. Sounds like that is not going to happen. You are right. We both discussed what we needed and I broke that promise. It breaks my heart so bad. I hate this. I hate myself.

 

[Casey_03]

I have to disagree with @EveHarrington here, or at least partly disagree. I agree that this has nothing to do with PTSD, but I don't think this is as simple as breaking a promise. Countless details in the other posts of @Beelady point to this guy being emotionally controlling and emotionally abusive. The promise she made was to not drink WITHOUT HIM. Seriously codependent relationship. And now Beelady is sitting around hating herself just for drinking a few beers with a friend when she was upset. If she were a known alcoholic who had promised her boyfriend never to drink at all, I'd agree and say this is pretty clear cut and simple. But from what I can tell the story is a lot murkier and the guy is very controlling ...

 

[Beelady]

Just means I am making excuses for myself. When in reality I threw away the most valuable piece of my life, that I needed and wanted so bad.

Tim is 100% disabled PTSD so i hoped really that this was part of it and it will work itself out. I am having such a hard time with it, I miss him so much. He has been so wonderful and I have not wanted to drink at all these past months. I have felt loved and healthier. I have been moving forward. I hate that I brokedown and grabbed a beer. I hate I did not call him. He had told me that week that he was sorry he could not be there for me because he was dealing with his own problems. I just made bad decision after bad decision - making excuses too. I hate what I did to him and want to go to see him so bad. However I think that will just make him mad at me and show I only think of myself. I hate though that he is dealing with physical and emotional issues and is alone. I hate I did this to him and keep praying he really loves me and will want me back.

 

[Casey_03]

You threw away the most valuable piece of your life? You mean the guy you've only known for a few months? What about yourself? Do you not value yourself? I think we have all agreed that drinking was a mistake, but unless you are leaving something out, Tim's reaction is that of an emotional abuser, not a loving man. In healthy relationships, a man does not punish his spouse for drinking a couple beers by telling her he no longer loves her and vowing to go back to his ex. You make excuses for him and you beat yourself up; you display all the signs of a woman who has been abused and brainwashed by abusers to believe she is at fault for EVERYTHING that happens around her. You said your fiance had set up cameras throughout your house so he could watch you and listen to all your conversations? That is beyond insane, that is sooooooo screwed up. And now the more recent guy, Tim, punishes you for having a couple beers with friends? You really need to start reading about what a codependent relationship is and how dangerous it is to your health. You have been in at least two deeply unhealthy relationships in rapid succession and experienced life-changing trauma. When are you going to start seeing that clearly and taking care of yourself?

 

[Beelady]

I'm a wreck.

Tim showed me emotions and love I had wished about for years. We were both very clear with what we needed and I was an a**hole. I wish so bad I stayed at his house that day and never left because I knew I was getting emotional. life just is empty without someone to share it with and love. Im single, no kids, lost my brother and dad. I hate this.

 

[Beelady]

I'm still wondering if he has time and I don't try to see him if we will want me and love me again.
Having a tough time with that though. How much time do I give him? I dont want him to think I dont care, that I dont think about how he feels and this is just killing me inside.

 

[Casey_03]

Listen, if he honestly stopped loving you because you drank a couple beers and lied about it, that was never love to begin with.