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Relationship He stopped communication; will he come back?

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Thank you all for your advice and concerns!

So sorry that I didn’t communicate myself clearly in my last post. I’m not having a relationship with him or planning to. We’re just on a talking basis to salvage a friendship...plus I just started seeing other people and he knows that he can see other people to.
 
Freida said:
yep. Yet another fun filled part of ptsd. I do it -- hubby is ok with it because he understands why. Doesn't like it. But he understands it

Hubby and I have been married 23 years and I still run. We have set some rules (like checking in once a day) but I'm never going to not run. It's how I deal when the ptsd acts up. So if you choose to live with a runner you have to accept he will probably do it for the rest of his life. If you are very lucky you will some kind of warning. But probably not.
Are you sure you are up for this?
Click to expand...
With open communication as to why the running occurs....running is not a problem in my book. I knew he ran, when I got too close...when it started feeling like a relationship....when I pushed him yet again. My biggest issue with him was his “Pretty woman police” namely no intimacy outside the bedroom. I know it was to protect himself from becoming too involved with me....he was afraid of opening up to intimacy and sliding into relationship and the problems and expectations it would entail. It was torture waiting for him to realize that I had no expectations....that being in a relationship did not mean he would lose his freedom to see family and friends as he pleased....he could still jump on his motorcycle with his friends and spend the weekend in a tent. All I craved was intimacy.....in vain. I stayed two years because although his words said “I will remain single always”, his action told me that deep down he longed to be in a relationship with me...whenever I told him, it was over he kept asking me to continue....that he was doing the best he could to open up to intimacy....but my patience was used up, so I kept pushing and he kept running....spending hours and hours with everybody but me which tore me apart.

It has been two years of Limbo for both of us. Me yearning for intimacy and him wanting to give it, but holding back, scared of becoming too involved, only being capable of looking out for himself, coping on a day to day basis, feeling guilty for not being able to be in a relationship, asking me to leave him because he cannot leave me. I have never met a man before who draws women, like he does....if he only wanted sex he could get that easily...in fact it would have been much better for his mental state not to have been with me for the past two years; he could have had his physical needs met easily...he could pick and choose from a lot of women, but I am his addiction as he is mine. We have not been together since the 22. of May...he has texted me four times to get back together again...he has promised me more intimacy in the bedroom (which was almost non existing to start off with) ...and I have said no...I need intimacy outside the bedroom....I need more than four or five, short meetings per month where we act like regular friends with no kissing and cuddling, I need him to spend as much time with me as he does with his friends....I don’t require official relationship to start of with...only time and intimacy and see where it takes us. My mind cannot compute, that with all the desire he has for me, he cannot spend time with me like he used to do....he says he has a hard time feeling his feelings...that he feels numb...but he admits to loving me more than a friend and that he has never desired anybody like he desires me..that I fascinate him more than anybody has ever done before and ever will and that is why he cannot let me go....although being with me is Limbo for him because he cannot figure out what to do with me...relationship or not. Logically I think he knows there is a reason why he fell for me almost six years ago and wanted be for four years before we were both single....but due to CPTSD his brain cannot compute that...fight or flight...and he chooses flight because he cannot decipher what he wants with me.
 
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AllConfused said:
I’m not having a relationship with him or planning to. We’re just on a talking basis to salvage a friendship...plus I just started seeing other people and he knows that he can see other people to.
Click to expand...

Either way, we still isolate. If not a relationship then why all the expectations and hurt over him running? Very confused. Was it a relationship and now just a friendship?

If not a relationship then expectations of isolation are very different. I don't need to tell my friends that I am isolating nor do I need to talk to them while isolated nor do I need to tell them when I am coming back. Because they are only friends and not an SO.
 
@Butterfly64 that is so sad --- for both of you. I can't remember if you said he was in therapy? Because ya, those are some pretty serious symptoms that aren't going to change without professional help. And good for you standing by your boundaries!!! I can't imagine how hard that is -- but it has to be done.
 
Freida said:
@Butterfly64 that is so sad --- for both of you. I can't remember if you said he was in therapy? Because ya, those are some pretty serious symptoms that aren't going to change without professional help. And good for you standing by your boundaries!!! I can't imagine how hard that is -- but it has to be done.
Click to expand...
He is not in therapy...he bought a house in January and is pouring all his energy into making a lot of changes...when he really should focus on therapy. It is ridiculous...before he worked with mentally ill, violent men and got assaulted app. 100 times until his back got wrecked, he worked in family counseling...so he is a really bright guy who knows a lot about mental illnesses....ironic isn’t it.

I was outside in front of my house doing the garden some hours ago and he came by on his motorcycle....and stopped...even though we had agreed not to see each other. We talked for five minutes...just blah blah blah and he left. So ever since my mind has been going crazy...wondering why he stopped, why he didn’t just drive by...I hate how I cannot control my thoughts! I hate how I miss him....how it sets me back days before my realistic mind kicks in and tells me that he is no good for me. I hate that we have all the right feelings and that he cannot act on them.
 
lostforgottensoul said:
Wait. I'm confused. You said just a few posts ago that you are just friends. Both are seeing other people. And aren't dating nor trying to date. So, are you just friends and dating other people and not trying to date him or are you wanting to get back into a relationship with him? These are mixed signals.
Click to expand...
You got me mixed up with “Allconfused” ?
 
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