He wants me to visit but won't ask

[Kute]

So after just a day over 3 weeks of silence I get a text. It says "I'm not dead and when is your trip?" I'm going away in Nov. Last month he was talking about getting me down to see him for his birthday which is in Nov. So when I got the text I'm pretty sure that's what he was thinking but he wouldn't say it. He just kept saying to have fun and be safe etc.

I guess I'm just wondering if that sounds like something suffers do sometimes. Maybe because he wants to see me but doesn't want to full on invite me because he doesn't know how he'll be? Maybe he was hoping I'd just say I planned to see him and that way it's on me if it doesn't work? I suppose it could have nothing to do with that but he did act like that one other time when I was with him.

Just curious if anyone has any thoughts.

 

[Puvup]

Maybe he doesn't want to ask because after 3 weeks of silence he is not sure you would accept an invitation or want to see him.

 

[Idew]

He may be gun shy, feeling guilt and shame about isolating, and not yet ready to be vulnerable by putting himself out there and subject to rejection.

 

[Ilewu]

My sufferer makes a hundred excuses to see me. "Can I bribe you with dinner for helping me clip the cat's nails?" "Do you need anything from Ikea? If you do, I know of a sushi place I want to try out near it...you know you need to get something from Ikea. Besides, I need help designing." "There's a Lego store - wanna carpool?"

I made the mistake once of thanking him for dinner. "It was just payment for your help, you know."

He almost asked me to go on a road trip with him. Almost. Hinted around it. Majorly hinted around it.

He can't/won't come out and just ask me out to dinner, or to hang out. And I can't bring myself to say, "You know, if you want to see me, you can just ask." Because, oh no, I am obviously misunderstanding him. He just needs my help and wants to repay me.

"We need to get together and talk about how the divorce will work." I was so sorely tempted to say, "You file papers and pay a fee. You hire a sheriff to serve them. I respond and pay a fee for the privilege of doing so. A judge decides if we've divvied up equally enough. The judge declares us divorced. What else is there to talk about?" He says he doesn't want to cause me any more hassle, because that's "the last thing you need is more hassle," so he wants to get the paperwork right, and I'm good at paperwork. No, the last thing I needed was to lose my husband.

I wish I had advice for you, OP.

 

[Repacoz]

I am a sufferer.

I can't ask for anything.

Not a darn thing.

Even the smallest thing makes me feel selfish and inconsiderate and burdensome.

Today my guy was beyond frustrated with me. (Bad episode.) He knew I wouldn't ask me for help so immediately after asking me if I wanted him to call, he said nope, forget it, I'm calling you because I know you won't ask me for help so I'm taking this decision from you. (Or something like that.)

Because nope, I never would have asked him for help on my own.

 

[Cibac]

No, the last thing I needed was to lose my husband.

This really resonates with me. My husband has always found little and big ways to see me after a break also. Now that he brought up divorce again, he wants me to stay in our house until the lease is up so he can save money for me. Besides making him feel less guilty about the financial state I will be in, it is also because he can't let go. We are best friends. He admitted he couldn't live in our house without us. Why can't he live with us either? (Please know that is rhetorical. I already know.)

 

[Ojubu]

He's been more chatty but still hasn't invited. Just talking about some family stuff, good stuff.

While it's good stuff it's also probably causing anxiety. Its a relative in an abusive marriage moving to where he lives. He's happy she'll be there and he said the husband is in therapy, but I don't trust it and I'm sure he doesn't either. He's probably thinking if it goes sour he'll have to deal with it. He's very happy she'll be there but before he could keep his space. Another close relative has failing health. I'm sure these things are reasons for the previous silence.