Heartbeat 180

[sonicwhite]

I remember going to jail and a man was standing on the other side of the metal door. I was weeping as I thought I killed my ex, he said heartbeat 180. At first you would think he was trying to scare me.......Long after i came to i realized that what he meant was allow God into my heart to do a 180 in my life...........I was so young and gullible than. All the other inmates just used scare tactics that traumatized me....But, this man used love to show me the Grace of God.............

 

[Seagreen]

Do you feel safer since allowing God in your heart? Did you turn your life around?

 

[sonicwhite]

Yuppers a year later I repented.


Edit caps where on.

 

[Seagreen]

I didn't see that this post was a diary entry at first. I hope I haven't intruded. I was just genuinely curious.

 

[sonicwhite]

It's fine.........I mean I don't mind ppl seeing what i have been thru and hoping something may touch someones heart so don't feel bad....

 

[Glenn R.]

I struggle with the notion of God purely because the agony PTSD, and Clinical Depression in the '80s, has made it next to impossible to believe in a loving deity.

I went into treatment for drug addiction in 1980 and became a dedicated NA member for years. I was told all my emotional woes was a product of my addiction and they would pass since I had now gotten clean. In reality, they got a lot worse, and other NA members kept telling me, "If your feeling bad, you must be doing something wrong."

I prayed and prayed and prayed for well over 20 years. I asked for help, and received it.....but only for life issues. When it came to my emotional disorders, nothing ever changed. It just got progressively worse.

This is why I struggle with the God concept!

 

[shrinkingviolet]

I myself am a Christian and God has taken horrible things that happened in my life and used them for good. With that being said, I understand and respect those who struggle with how can a loving God allow bad things to happen. @sonicwhite , I am glad you are allowing God to use that incident, to change and heal you.

 

[sonicwhite]

@Glenn R. I'm sorry that the Law was taught in your life more than Grace.....I have battled that too.........I said to God I would accept to cease to exist as long as I know your safe and real......I love God like I would love a woman.....But with more strength....God returns the "I love yous" to me in impressions. Try to say to God I love You, He wants a intimate relationship with you.......I know easier said than done.....Trust me it was hard to accept that I had PTSD until I started to notice the pattern I was going thru...............All I can say is I'll pray for you. I just hope my testimony one day grows into a Ministry. I don't want money I just want ppl to experience the Love of God like I have had........



EDIT: OCD....

 

[sonicwhite]

Hebrews 12:1-11New International Version (NIV)
I will write how God has blessed me thru my hardship.