Help. having a day of flashbacks

[RoadtoHappy]

Hi I am looking for some support right now.

After weeks of feeling so good. Making huge breakthroughs in therapy and feeling At ease. My anxiety had reduced so much and I’ve had very little panic attack’s or nightmares. I was sleeping the best I’m a long time.

I was so happy all day yesterday spent it with family and friends. Last night my husband said something so trivial and quite practical but for some reason it set off a very engage response in me that just spiraled. Basically we are trying for a baby and I asked him if I’d be a good mother, he said who knows how good a parent either of us will be until e are sorbets.. well I felt like it was anattaxh in me (obviously wasn’t) I was looking for reassurance and support cause im needy sometimes ! Bless him because he Instantky regretted it and kept apologizing and hugging me but I just went into myself and couldn’t talk or express my feelings at all. I could t stand to be touched. We were both awake all night, him feeling guilty and me feeling the darkness, anxiety and pain creeping up through my body! I was sent home from work today. My manager is amazing and I have so much support but I feel disassociated all day! I feel
Void of anything. I have no energy and no motivation. I know the feelings are in there but I can’t access them
Now!

Now I feel so stupid and foolish. Over something so ridiculous I feel I have just been thrown back into the dark fight in my mind. All I see is my rapists face! My body memories are in full swing! I need help. I need to know I’m not alone and someone understands.

Sorry for the essay. I can’t soeak verbally this is the most I’ve been able to say.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

I’m not trying to be harsh but are you far enough along in your healing that you’ll be able to handle taking care of a baby and all of the self-care and symptom management that is required for someone with ptsd?

 

[RoadtoHappy]

:hug:

I’m not trying to be harsh but are you far enough along in your healing that you’ll be...

Hi, thanks for your response. I have worked very hard on my mental state and this has been a long time decision. We both have good jobs and a home and I am doing everything in my power to over come my trauma and my symptoms. Do I decide to never have children because I may never fully get over my assault? I have made huge steps and progress. I am normally highly functioning a lot of the time. I made the post for support and help right now as I am surprised how strong this attack has come on. I wasn’t looking for personal advice on my parenting plans. I don’t want to be rude or come across as aggressive in anyway but I only posted because of how bad and low I feel right now. And I have waited a very long time before we made the decision to start a family. You have made me see I may not be a good mother and am a selfish person for wanting to ruing a child into our home of love and safety. I feel like you have kicked me when I am down.

 

[Skywatcher]

My husband has said stuff that plucks on the cords of negative self beliefs as well. It’s hard to deal with it and it can set off a whole set of flashbacks. This is why we are in therapy and working on healing the past traumas, andit takes time. As long as you have good coping skills and self care, planning for a baby should be fine! Babies are very here and now and grounding. My symptoms were a bit less throughout the whole young children process, but I’m sure that depends on each individual. Much luck to you!

 

[Friday]

Everything is temporary.

Bad days just happen sometimes. Flashbacks and panic affacks and misery, oh my! But no matter how long right now might feel like forever? It won’t be. So what do you need to do to help you ride this one out, and what helps you get back to centered faster?

 

[PreciousChild]

Hi RoadtoHappy. Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. It's scary and frustrating when it feels like there's little you can do to control what's happening. I've learned from reading and therapy that there are some kinds of progress I can only make while I'm in the grips of being triggered or dissociative. When I'm feeling panicked and anxious, I sometimes remember to really dive into it, and try to do some of the techniques that I read about in Body Keeps the Score. I can almost feel grateful now for those moments because it would be hard to authentically resolve the issues (which I think I have) without the triggers. But I guess it wouldn't be helpful if it was too overwhelming. I hope you get through this period with compassion. It sounds like you have some supportive people in your life. That's really nice.

 

[Deleted member 46841]

Hi I am looking for some support right now.

After weeks of feeling so good. Making huge breakthrou...

Flash backs happen mainly when I'm sleeping and wake up sweating but it looks like u have a great guy who will support u and u would never let your baby suffer any of it so breathe and accept that this will be a gift to happiness ain't gonna lie had a child after all the abuse but man he is every breathe I take and I made sure he was always happy xoxo

 

[RoadtoHappy]

Thank you so much for your responses. I’m not very good with the hiring buttons so I’ll just reply to you all. Apologies .

Feeling a bit better today. Decided not to go to work which is rare as I normally force myself to work even when my symptoms are heightened. It’s a glorious day in Ireland today (doesn’t happen often) so I’m going to go for a picnic with a friend. I love to sit on the grass surrounded by nature so that’s exactly what I will do. Definitely feeling so much better and more positive today. Grounding, compassion and patience are my key tools so will try my hardest to use them today.

Thank you so much for the supprutieb messages so I know I am not alone in my symptoms, just sorry we all have so much to deal with through no fault of our own.

Sending you all strength love and positive thoughts x

*Quote button not hiring!