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[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Oh dear @Chava, I hope you are ok.
You are in my thoughts.

May your heart grow stronger with love from everyone here on this forum.

May your weary body be resting peacfully surrounded by safety and protection.

:hug: ~Dragonfly

 

[Chava]

Thanks everyone. I went to ER. Don't remember much. They kept me a few hours and a friend brought me home.

I threw my sleeping pills (ambien) in the garbage. I've only drank on nights I took those. I didn't want to drink last night. But my judgment slips lately after taking the sleeping pill...it's like the gateway to drunk lately. And once I start drinking I really don't have any control. I tried to "control" the situation by buying only so much alcohol, but then I kept going with mouthwash once drunk.

I left a message for a friend in AA. My therapist called this morning and is going to call later and wants me to e-mail updates on how I'm doing. I don't know if I actually remember more when drunk, allow myself to remember more, and/or allow myself to say stuff, but it gets pretty f*cked up.

My life feels unreal. That's the worst...how I make my life feel unreal and do it to myself.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Dear @Chava I am so pleased that you went to the ER, I and many other members are here for you if you ever feel this down again, please feel free to PM me if you feel the need or just want a quiet chat.

Sending soothing :hug:s

Laurie

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

We are here to help. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@Chava you are a nurturing person. Hard to nurture ourselves, That is the work we have to do.

 

[mrsps]

Hi Chava
Glad you went to ER, thanks for coming back on here to update us.
Hoping you have been able to get some sleep as sleep really does make everything else that bit easier.
Sending you hugs and support to get you through the day

 

[Sammyiam]

Just wanted to drop bye and say I'm thinking of you.

Sammy

 

[Ronin]

@Chava, well done on going to the ER. And then getting home safely.

What puts any sort of controls back to your life, do you feel? Or the feeling your life's not spiraling, even when it is? Is something of those activities doable right now, starting from the small?

 

[joeylittle]

I'm glad to hear you got yourself to some solid help last night, @Chava - that is something that can be hard to do. Also, it's good to hear you make the connection between the ambien and the drinking.

I'd really encourage you (if you haven't) to toss all remaining alcohol from the house, and also get rid of mouthwash, cough syrup, anything of that nature. Your teeth will just have to survive for awhile without having mouthwash on hand.

I know it has helped me in the past to actually rid the house entirely of things I can use against myself. So, I'm hoping maybe it will help you too.

 

[Chava]

More thanks. I'm a little melting down, really scared. Hard to live with myself and not know if I can trust myself. Scared to not have my sleeping pills but I had to throw them out. Just scared of all of it.

@joeylittle I did dump the mouthwash (all booze was gone last night) and I threw out the remaining sleeping pills. It was time. I was running low and a couple days ago didn't feel really good about getting a refill because I knew this wasn't working. I had only 2 left and threw them out. I took some OTC stuff (unisom) and it better help soon because I'm heading for a meltdown and the few AA people I feel okay calling either are either unavailable or have not returned a call.

 

[joeylittle]

http://www.recovery-world.com/National-Hotline-Phone-Numbers.html

That's a list of national numbers. Remember, the Lifeline number in the US (1-800-273-TALK) is there for anyone in crisis, it doesn't matter what kind. Google your area for your AA 24-hour hotline, many many regions have them. It'll give you someone to talk with if you don't hear back from the ones you know.

Any easy breath counting you can do while laying down might help, too.

You can do this.

 

[Neverthesame]

I threw my sleeping pills (ambien) in the garbage. I've only drank on nights I took those.

This really struck a chord with me.

I took ambien a few times years ago. I had to dump them after I (was told, I don't remember it. Though I believe it) tried to cook something while asleep. Nearly burned my house down.

But the other thing I had noticed about it was that when I took them, I was absolutely dying for a drink. It took all my willpower not too, and a couple of times I couldn't help myself. (Not the same day as the sleep cooking). I always just assumed it was because I was still using alcohol as a crutch. Though it was remarkable, how strong the urge to drink was when I took the Ambien. Never thought twice about it until I read your post.

I have also never touched that Ambien rubbish since. It is a good thing to recognize that. And I am glad you are looking to take care of yourself. The drink is a hard demon to fight.

Anyone know if that's a thing that happens with Ambien?