Help...

[Becca Beverly]

My marriage is falling apart. My husband and I are both combat vets. I went through years of counseling and treatment and can function normally moody of the time. My husband had had ptsd throughout or marriage but over the past year has begun to admit it. His attitude toward me and the kids has gotten worse. We can never make him happy. One minute he's joking and the next minute he is a raging bull. He has begun to call the kids names and says I Bitch all the time. The kids and I try to stay away from him most of the time. I'm emotionally numb to him. I know that I'm not perfect but dealing with this is getting to be to much. He doesn't take his counseling seriously. Won't go to counseling with me. He says the kids and I have the problem, not him. I can't continue raising kids in suck a volatile atmosphere. I love him more than words could ever say but how do I save our family?

 

[Anglesachse]

.................................I love him more than words could ever say but how do I save our family?

My misses throwing me out and disowning me is what I needed to see I was being a dick, wasn`t going to make 40 and needed serious help .

Once I was on the road to recovery she let me back into her life.

I guess it is different for each of us. So for gods sake don`t do it just because it is what I needed.

But then again, íf you love him, you are most probably going to need to hurt him to help him.

If you get what I mean.

 

[JarHed]

Hey Becca

Sorry to hear of your situation. You'll probably see that there are a lot of people here with similar problems as well. It doesn't help except that you know you're not alone in your situation.

I'll echo some things that have already been said here before. You've got to take care of yourself first and with children involved they've got to come before anyone. It's important for both you and them thet you're all in a safe environment.

You can't fix someone else. If he won't do the work to get better, he never will. You can support him, stand by him but you can do it for him. It too bad that we can't do that but it's also true. It sounds like he's living in denial. That first big step is recognizing that you have PTSD and then doing something about it. Without that he's not going to do well and will most likely remain at the point he's at, sad to say. And it does make me sad to hear that. It's hard and there's real work involved but you can get better and actually have a better life than you one you have when you start working on it.

I truly hope you can salvage your marriage and family but you've got to have a plan for yourself and your kids as well. My best hopes and wishes go out to you and your husband and kids and perhaps if some things can change it may get better for you. Hope is a good thing.

Jar

 

[Ned]

Try and persuade him to look in here.

 

[sol1107]

Check out the media section and watch, "You're not in the forces now", then convince him to watch it. Worked for me. I treated my wife and children the exact same way he is treating you. I was on the verge of divorce, even had the papers drawn up. Now, when I wake up in the morning, my whole world revolves around spending time with my wife and playing with my boys. The papers are still sitting in the drawer as a reminder that the slightest misstep will send my life spiraling out of control again, but they haven't been filed, so I'm hanging on.

 

[Becca Beverly]

Thank y'all for the advice. Most of you said what I was fearing. I know that's what I've gotta do, and I know I can't fix it. He is the only one that can and because if my years of treatment for my ptsd I know if you don't take it serious than you might as well not go. I don't doubt that he lives me and the kids but I also know our marriage can't continue like thus.

 

[Wagon]

Good advice here Becca,

It is going to be a tough conversation. How I wished it would have happened with me is that someone would have sat me down and explained

1. A list of behaviors
2. A way out, a course of action.

I ended up homeless instead. If you could somehow get him to watch the "You're not in the military anymore" video, that might turn on some lights.

All in all I guess you got to find your own way. Tough beans trooper, but we are here for support.

Peace
Wagon

 

[Becca Beverly]

He watched the first 10 minutes of the video and said it's boring and to long. I found it helpful. He turns to drinking almost every might..not like a beer, but a bottle of whiskey. He gets so mean with or son. It seems like every night turns in to him telling me I can leave at anytime. I 'm to the point where I just wish my claim would hurry up do I could have some money coming on. Hell he even gets pissed when we ruin out of milk and need more...humph. Thanks guys.

 

[Wagon]

Hang Tough Becca.

 

[Ned]

Like Wagon said, try and stick with it. I am afraid that is a 'phase', the pushing people away.

 

[sol1107]

If he found the video "boring", then he is not ready to help himself. It took my wife leaving with the kids for days at a time, only communicating via texts to make sure I didn't kill myself. That much time alone with my thoughts (and a Lifetime movie during semi-consciousness) made me realize that I had been the problem all along.

 

[Becca Beverly]

That's what I was thinking, Stav...that he's not ready...it just hurts so much to know what I need to do. I'm playing a game of when is enough, enough...when do I say it's time...