General Helping With The Road To Recovery

[Bronte Bonell]

Hi there,

This is my first post and after reading some different threads it looks like there is a LOT of support out there, which is awesome to see. I'm hoping someone can offer some advice for my ongoing situation.

I have a couple different situations going on that I need help with. First of all, some background information:

My boyfriend of 4 years served in the military for the first 3 years of our relationship and was sent to Afghanistan for the last year of his contract. He was overseas for 11 months and has suffered a great deal since coming home (PTSD and depression). He seemed to be fine for the first 5 months after coming home but secretly slipped into drug and alcohol abuse to self cope shortly after the 6th month mark. He kept it hidden for quite some time and it wasn't until he was 3 months into using that he broke down to me and admitted he was experiencing a great deal of trouble.

Since then, he's gone through a denial phase, a realization phase and now is struggling with the addiction. He started out using drugs and alcohol to cover up the pain and guilt of his duties over seas and said that he could "stop at any time", but as we all know, it becomes a physical addiction. He went from being an outgoing, positive, and spiritual man to a very reserved, quiet, depressed and angry person. He hates what his life has become and is now trying to take the proper steps to overcome the addiction to drugs and alcohol, but is struggling. He is a very determined person, and wants to "beat this" on his own.

He has started to see a psychologist about the PTSD and has been prescribed certain drugs for his sleepless nights and high levels of anxiety, but unfortunately, is becoming dependant on those as well. She has suggested treatment at an out of town rehab facility, but he wanted to first try kicking his habit on his own by weening himself off in hopes to have a full recovery (and not have to go to rehab). His first stint of "personal rehab" went fairly well at first, but he has frequent panic attacks (due to the PTSD and flashbacks) and he relapsed. He keeps pushing back his appointments with his doctor because he keeps trying to do this on his own. My fear is that he will keep failing himself and become even more depressed. I don't know how to get through to him that his best chance at recovery is through the rehab program that is being offered to him without discouraging his past attempts. He has his entire family for support as well as me, who he heavily relies on. I do my best, but at times I become too frustrated and overwhelmed and end up breaking down because of the stress it puts on my shoulders. I know it's my job to be supportive so I try and keep that part to myself. I have seen a counsellor for this, but with the busyness of life, I have lost the time to go.

His fear is that when/if he is able to have a full recovery from the addiction, what will he do about the PTSD and depression/anxiety, how is he going to recover from that?

My biggest question is: HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO HIM?

Any suggestions are appreciated, I feel like I've tried everything. Thank you in advance,

Bronte

 

[Namaste01]

@Bronte Bonell as a proud military girlfriend of a soldier KIA I can only imagine how helpless you feel. I remember being so afraid of how he would be when he returned. Unfortunately, I'm the one who developed PTSD from his passing.

To answer your question on what you can do, honestly there isn't that much you my agitate him by telling him whats "best for him".

My therapist knows I drink in excess. However, she is dealing with my PTSD therapy FIRST so I have positive what is called "self talk" so I can make healthier decisions. Perhaps treating his PTSD (anger,depression) and learning how to cope with that may be more beneficial. It would be easier to let go of pills and alcohol once sound decisions and being able to work through anxiety can be done.

 

[Sweetpea76]

When you say he is dependent on his PTSD drugs, do you mean that he is abusing them? Or that he needs them to function?

The reason why I ask is because if they are part of his PTSD treatment, then there is no shame in that. My vet has some of the same trepidation about his meds. He has the PTSD meds, as well as painkillers because he was physically disabled in Iraq as well. Between all of that, he is on some serious medications that he is dependent on. He couldn't just quit taking any of these meds on his own. There are times he feels like a "drug addict" and "dependent", but I have to tell him repeatedly that he is no more an addict than a cardiac patient who is dependent on blood pressure medication. As long as he is taking them as they are prescribed and not abusing them, then they are therapeutic.

It could be that if he took his anxiety medication as prescribed, it would help with the panic attacks and he wouldn't have to self medicate with other drugs and alcohol.

 

[Bronte Bonell]

Thank you for the fast responses. @Namaste01 I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine a life without Cale.

@Sweetpea76, when I say that he is dependent on these drugs (both prescribed and off the street), I mean that he used them to cover up his symptoms of PTSD because he was ashamed of how his actions overseas (first the street drugs - it started out with oxy's and has now escalated to "Heidi's" or hydromorphone) but not his body is physically addicted to these street drugs.

In more recent months since he has been prescribed his meds (diazepam, lorazepam and zopiclone) he relies on those when he cannot access the street drugs. In a nutshell, he is not exactly following the instructions as prescribed, consciously know this and wants get rid of the addiction to street drugs and focus on just the prescribed meds as well as dealing with the PTSD. However, he is scared to experience sobriety because that's when all of the anxiety sets in...

 

[Sweetpea76]

That's rough. It is probably difficult for him to see how his prescribed meds work with the street drugs and alcohol in the mix.

Has he tried going to AA or other similar programs that are not a "rehab" just for some support? Rehab is ideally the place for him, but if he won't go, he won't go. Maybe next time he makes a go of doing it on his own, you can gently encourage him to check out AA? Or possibly just bring it up calmly when he is in a good enough place to discuss it? It's better than nothing.

 

[Badger]

I think you have to get out of the way of the drugs. If you are his support, you don't want it to become a point of contention and a reason he doesn't listen to anything else you say. I think thats a very hard thing to do. Provide him with the information he needs to get help and then step back and let him make the decision. My sufferer has a marijuana habit and he has dissociative disorder due to physical and sexual abuse he experienced as a child. He likes the marijuana BECAUSE it helps him dissociate. I see this but I haven't said anything. I'm not in his shoes.

In Cale's case it sounds like guilt is a huge factor. If he's killed people, or just watched them die, and he feels like what he did was wrong, he needs to deal with that. I think encouraging him to do something positive in his community might help.

 

[Bronte Bonell]

@Badger Thank you for the advice, very much appreciated. @Sweetpea76 he has gone to a few PTSD group meetings with other service members but I don't think he likes the group setting, but we take it day by day. His psychologist, as well as Veteran's Affairs are working towards a rehab centre for him. The road to recovery is never easy.. thank you all once again for your support.