Relationship Hi Again And Living Apart?

[Sunshine71]

Dear friends

Last weekend I went on a personal development course - I realised I have been coming from a place of anger and hurt dealing with hubbies PTSD.

I am now focusing on coming from my heart instead of thinking with my head (if this makes sense). It has helped as sometimes he needs a hug instead of me getting stressed. However today he shouted at our son over something silly and I am just not having it.

He decided to stay at his office space for a the rest of the day and tonight too. He hasn't had any flashbacks today - it has been quiet for him and he has got on with some business things.
He says that he loves me and our son more than anything. However our house and us both give him flashbacks. It is so sad. So unfair.

I haven't been on here for a while - I do struggle as I have to do everything and there is no time left.

I wondered if anyone does live apart and does this help with the PTSD and you can still have your marriage/ relationship?

He has also weaned himself off of his anti depressants - they numbed him and he hated feeling like this.

Much love and thanks as always - Sunshine

 

[Sunshine71]

Well we had a good chat today and hubby felt very calm with no flashbacks while he was at his studio/ office yesterday.

He came back at 2am instead of staying the night.In the morning he opened his eyes and had 4 flashbacks first thing in the morning. Just looking at me while I was asleep :O(

We are going to try a new routine of him going to the office everyday and avoiding the stress of getting ready for school and the running around after school.I really hope it helps.

Has anyone else tried something different - space or time apart? Did the suffer come back more relaxed / happy?

Thanks all - Sunshine

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Sunshine

I don't understand how you give your husband flashbacks - please explain.

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks Nicolette.

Maybe it is something different than a flashback....?? I have been thinking about it as hubby has only just really told this to me.....

Take the other morning - he simply opened his eyes and looked at me next to him in bed - and I turned into the little boy that was killed in the car accident (20 years ago). He can be talking with our son - and all of a sudden he turns into the boy too. He is then taken back - can smell the smells, feel the people kicking and punching him, see the horror ....

I am so gutted, so sad and just hoping that the association can be broken.

He says this has been happening for about 2 years...

Thanks Nicolette - Sunshine

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Sunshine71

Have you asked him if it happens with other people?

 

[Eleanor]

It sure sounds like a textbook flashback from what you said. Has he done any EMDR on it?

My H's trauma is from childhood abuse (with some later stuff piled on) and he used to dissociate, now he just "kind of" dissociates. But we live apart, because the nature of his "flashbacks" are that he casts me as his mother/ex/ex. So I am bad, can't be trusted etc. etc. Honestly, we wouldn't still be married if I hadn't moved out. I just have a really really hard time coping with the "switch" from loving and trusting and having a good relationship with me on Tues. to believing I don't love him and don't listen to him, and don't intend to ever live with him again on Wed. :( It is much better to be in a different county when he is bad.

I don't know if that gives you anything relevant to your question about living apart...

When he is good, I think we have an ok marriage - better than average in some respects. But it IS hard - because the logistics are complicated and he gets very lonely when he is O.K.. Also it is hard to carve out time for a sex life, but we are doing a bit better on that in recent months.

 

[Sunshine71]

Thank you so much Eleanor..... I really appreciate this. Hubby has just flown off the handle again just now so I understand about switching from a good relationship to a rather sh!te one.

Maybe we need to spend more time apart and enjoy it when we are together - If her was working from his studio it would have better when he returned....I hope...

Thanks Sunshine xx