J
Jayliketheletter
Im J, she/her.
Im in my mid 20s, a bartender at a nightclub in a medium sized city and i struggled with the consequences of a life of physical violence for... as far back as i remember... honestly.
its a violence haunting lots of the people in my minority community. especially for those of us who grew up out the house.
im currently not in therapy. (poor availability for mental health care where i live) i have been recovering quite well from the last experience, but to be honest. it opened up a lot of past trauma again.
yea sure i got my depression, and suicidality under control, sometimes even handle my anxiety well... ive been dissociating less and even slept through a night a few weeks ago.
but still, every time a small or big trigger happens im back where i was. im hiding from my flatmates, completely disengage my friends and interests. every time theres another drunk at the bar waiting to be thrown out, another act of violence, small or big, another week no sleep...
im getting tired. is this all that life has to offer?
i just want a november where none of the people around have an attempt. a year without violence.
can i really call it ptsd, when its never really over with... never post, always just a new addition to the long line of trauma. never really recovering. just always stabilizing.
anyways hi there, aside that, weeks been good, hope yours has been too!
Im in my mid 20s, a bartender at a nightclub in a medium sized city and i struggled with the consequences of a life of physical violence for... as far back as i remember... honestly.
its a violence haunting lots of the people in my minority community. especially for those of us who grew up out the house.
im currently not in therapy. (poor availability for mental health care where i live) i have been recovering quite well from the last experience, but to be honest. it opened up a lot of past trauma again.
yea sure i got my depression, and suicidality under control, sometimes even handle my anxiety well... ive been dissociating less and even slept through a night a few weeks ago.
but still, every time a small or big trigger happens im back where i was. im hiding from my flatmates, completely disengage my friends and interests. every time theres another drunk at the bar waiting to be thrown out, another act of violence, small or big, another week no sleep...
im getting tired. is this all that life has to offer?
i just want a november where none of the people around have an attempt. a year without violence.
can i really call it ptsd, when its never really over with... never post, always just a new addition to the long line of trauma. never really recovering. just always stabilizing.
anyways hi there, aside that, weeks been good, hope yours has been too!
