Hi, Thought It Was Probably Time I Joined This Forum

[shell]

About two years ago, I started having flashbacks of physical abuse that I had always recalled. After I started therapy I started getting body memories of being raped, and then flashbacks and then quit therapy after being told I would be re-traumatized if I attempted to discuss things due to the extent of my abuse. I was able to confirm the rape.

I re-started with a new therapist, six months later, again I started getting more body memories of being sexual abused as a young child. I struggle to accept that this is my new reality, not having any true memories and having only flashbacks to put together the pieces has made it hard for me to find true acceptance.

Emotionally it feels very real, but it's hard to accept something I can never recall happening, but feels like I am transported back in time when I wake up and I really believe its happening now.

For so long I've not wanted to accept that I was sexually abused, but denial can only last for so long. I hoping that I can find a better method of coping, as my use of numbing and avoidance really isn't helping.:trapped:

 

[stormy]

Hi Shell :wave:
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the support you need here, as I have.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Shell,
Welcome to the forum.

Sadly it is a fact of trauma therapy that you feel worse before you get better. Hang in there - it really is worth it. You are right that denial and numbing can only last so long. I did that for very many years until I was forced to face it all in the harshest of ways. Now however I am moving forward and am glad I have faced it all.

I hope you find some comfort on here.
Best Wishes,
Lucy x

 

[Broken2]

Welcome Shell.

Hang in there. This is a good place to vent, to share, to find validation and understanding.

 

[megnut]

Welcome, shell. You are very brave to face up to the fact that you need to move out of your numbing and avoidance. We all wish you the best as you journey toward healing.

 

[crazytrain]

Ah, yes...numbing, avoidance, dissociation....all of these methods I have employ, and to an extent still do, to escape the dark realities of my past. You are wise to recognize that these are not the most helpful of ways to cope with things. I agree with Lucy; things tend to get worse before they get better, but they DO get better over time. The "facing the music" part has been the toughest for me, but it has gotten easier as time has gone by. I am sure it will for you as well! Keep keepin' on with it and there will eventually be some peace!

All the best,
CT