High Anxiety When Sick

[NewHampshirite]

I have had a hard time talking to people about this because nobody seems to understand it.
This is about to be long so please bear with me. :)

I have always had anxiety issues but nothing that affected my daily activities. I suffered trauma in my childhood and then I was physically and emotionally abused by my ex-husband. That relationship left me scarred and it's nearly impossible for me to trust men. But I have always picked myself up and moved on as best as I could. I started seeing a mental health professional about three months ago and I have since been diagnosed with PTSD due to what happened in my childhood and my marriage.

Fast forward to December of last year. I started feeling really sick. It started with my eyes hurting and then a headache. It lasted a couple days. Then the dizziness and generalized weakness kicked in. I had a dry cough that would not go away. I had shivers and I started to feel exhausted. Walking 10 feet would leave me out of breath - no matter how slow I walked. I had trouble staying up (I work full-time doing medical billing), my concentration went out of the window. I started having night sweats and abdominal pain. I thought I was dying. I ended up at the ER where they tested me for mono (negative) and the doctor on call said he didn't think it was anything serious and asked me to follow-up with a PCP. (I didn't have an established PCP in the area due to moving recently from a nearby state).

A week later I ended up at the ER again because the abdominal pain just got worse and the night sweats were scaring me. I was at the hospital for about 10 hours and tested for everything under the sun. Blood work came back as having the Hep C antibodies present. I was relieved that at least I knew what was going on.

I saw my new PCP then an infectious disease specialist and a gastroenterologist. To make a long story short I was exposed to the Hep C virus (how, I don't know and neither did the doctors but the specialist assured me it had to have happened within two months from the time the symptoms appeared) but after a battery of tests I was told my body had cleared the virus out on its own and I would not need further treatment (YES!). My boyfriend (whom I do NOT have unprotected sex with was tested and came back negative)

The sickness lasted nearly two months and I thought I was going to die. It scared me because I am a single mother and all I could think was "who is going to raise my princess if I die?!" I'd cry at work, on my way to work, on my way home from work, at home...you name it. I cried daily.

It has been over 6 months since that whole thing happened but it appears that it has changed me forever. Now every time I feel sick (even if it is just a headache), my anxiety goes through the roof. I panic. I start thinking about dying, about not seeing my daughter grow up and not getting to accomplish my goals. I start crying (it's happening right now) and feeling sick to my stomach. The worst episode so far happened in May when I thought I was having a heart attack and nearly called an ambulance. I had chest pains, started hyperventilating, my arms went numb, I had hot flashes and I felt like I was being choked.

Am I crazy? Could my PTSD have been exacerbated by what happened when I was sick with Hep C? Could that experience have been traumatic? I have tried to look it up online but I have not come across anything about illness causing trauma. I am going to bring this up to my psychologist when I see her in two weeks again but I wanted to know if anyone on here has ever felt the same way.

PS: I am not taking any medication.

Thank you.

 

[franciemarnie]

Just taking a stab here. Could it be that the powerlessness you felt in response to the idea of not being able to be there for your daughter triggered your childhood experience? when there was, at least there was in mine, so much terror, and feelings of powerlessness and helplessness perhaps?

I think anyone, the happiest person in the world, would have responded with terror at the thought of leaving their child. But add PTSD, and look out!

I am so sorry you are going thru all this.

 

[NewHampshirite]

Just taking a stab here. Could it be that the powerlessness you felt in response to the idea of not being able to be there for your daughter triggered your childhood experience? when there was, at least there was in mine, so much terror, and feelings of powerlessness and helplessness perhaps?

I think anyone, the happiest person in the world, would have responded with terror at the thought of leaving their child. But add PTSD, and look out!

I am so sorry you are going thru all this.

Yes it could. My mother was never in my life (left me when I was 2) and my father was in and out of my life - I only have bad memories of when he was around from physically attacking me in the dark and giving me a black eye (I was 12), beating me up when he felt like it and saying nasty things to me. My grandparents (his parents) raised me and they were loving people so there are not to blame for how I feel at all...But the thought of leaving my daughter behind with nobody I trust to look after her, just makes me panic. I feel helpless. I do not want her to grow up without at least her mommy around. (Her father is a psychopath and she was neglected by him while I was at work during the day for the first year of her life. I was unaware of it until someone came forward to tell me what she had witnessed). I just want to protect her and keep her from going through what I went through. But if something happens to me, I won't be able to protect her anymore!

Just writing all of this has made my anxiety go through the roof again. I never thought of it the way you put it.

 

[KwanYingirl]

You might be developing a phobia. Hep C is grueling I am so glad to hear it cleared. As you learn more about PTSD, you'll understand your behaviors and will learn skills to manage the distressing emotions that come with it. With all you've suffered, I think you should be getting weekly therapy with a trauma specialist. Illnesses in and of themselves are traumatic. Now pile it on top of your childhood and your marriage, well that's a load of trauma.

You have survived it all but are changed as a result. I hope you find lots of info on the forum. Hang in there you're headed in the right direction. You'll be enjoying your princess for many years to come. I say that because I've raised two awesome children while battling PTSD and a severe chemical injury. You can do this!!!!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Illnesses can certainly cause anxiety. I had months of an illness that was misdiagnosed as Hepatitis (not sure which type) and I was worried beyond belief. By that point I kind of knew what I had, but was too afraid to say anything- I mean the doctors must know what they are doing, right? Not so. I had to eventually be brave and request specific tests after 3 months. I got sick about 1 year later with the same symptoms (just a mysterious stomach issue though) and I was thrown into panic. That was all before PTSD. Add children to the mix and it makes everything so much harder.