Holiday (all of 'em!) Stress

[Marlene]

I've been reading here and there that the holiday crap is starting up again for a lot of us. So I'm starting a vent thread for anyone who wants it. I'll start.

**There are only three people in my husband's family (my family is all out of state) that have homes big enough to host Thanksgiving and Christmas meals. One is mine. Last year there was no way in hell I could have hosted a meal. Even though one of them was my turn. Well this year, my husband told me that his mother had said she was having the meals at her house because she wanted all of her kids to come to visit her (a real rarity). OK...then the emails started flying about no one wanting to travel, isn't it Lisa's turn?, I've got visitors and can't do it, what do we do?, etc.

I just sent an email to all parties this morning stating, although I'm much better this year, I'm not up to having a house full of people. Actually the thought of that makes me feel sick to my stomach. I typed it, gulped down my fear of appearing weak in front of my in-laws (sometimes I feel like a lamb with a broken leg in front of a pack of wolves..they can be that bad) and hit the 'send' button.

At this point...I could care less about all of this. I refuse, absolutely refuse to let these people stress me out again. I'll stay home and eat a can of spaghetti-o's first! I was proud of myself that I said what needed to be said for myself and they (in-laws) can deal with it or not. I don't care.

Lisa

 

[becvan]

Oh yes the holidays are rearing their ugly head again! Thanks for starting this thread Marlene!

Although my Thanksgiving is done.. X-mas is already an issue. Getting pressure to go back to Fort and I'm just not ready to go back there. My son is homesick to go to Fort but again.. I just don't think I can handle it. I feel guilty from numerous sources but going back would mean getting really sick again!

I've boughten almost all the X-mas gifts already to cut down on the financial crunch. I have my dinner planned out. Ham, potatoes, corn and pumpkin pie. It would just be Matt and I here but I'm happy with that.

I can't stand the pressure that a person gets for this holiday. The self-guilt is enough without the extra's from family!!

bec

 

[Kathy]

With all my children, grandchildren, various extended family and friends, I truly am feeling like Santa Claus this year! I have had to make a list and check it twice to make sure I haven't forgotten anyone. It is thankfully not a monetary issue for me however it does get rather tiresome in any event. Not to mention all the Christmas cards we send out every year, which I haven't even started yet. And we are going away this Christmas, so I must have everything prepared extra early, which only adds to the pressure of it all.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Ahhh, love the pressures of being around the groups. Already fended off some of the Thanksgiving and Christmas "assaults". My mom called and I said do not even try, ain't happening.

But now I have hubs family. I think I will be feeling worlds better by then (I hope) but I see it as coming out of this phase to go and do Thanksgiving as potential for disaster. Many of his family tease him that they do not think he really has a wife as I am a no show for holidays and have never met any beyond his sister and husband and his parents. I plan to bake and just send a lot of warm wishes with hubs when he goes with the kids.

Christmas. Hell, no. Not sure why but this one just really freaks me out. I prefer to hide in bed after the kids do the Santa thing at home. They go to inlaws and to church for the plays and have a big thing over there. I will bake and send warm wishes again. Holidays and I are most certainly oil and water.

I think I would just rather not be in a room full of many strangers and drop out sick in front of people I just met. I do not like the holidays and see no reason I should have to go fake it. Like when I still spoke to my dad and family from all over would go to my grand parent's. You wander room to room to hear them gossiping in the next room about various parts of the family. Never could wrap my mind around why such a huge group would always gather to "celebrate" when it was so clear they could not stand one another and thought so little of those people they are related to. And it was really mind blowing how I could hear them bad mouthing a person and then when they were face to face act like they just loved this person dearly. Again, someone can wake me when it is over!!!!

 

[ruddy]

I guess holidays are fun for people who have families that work and play well together. My family members should not get together at the same time and place. It's downright dangerous!

I've developed my own holiday tradition. I volunteer to serve food and clean up at the local homeless shelter. After working my butt off doing that, there's no way I'm buying my mother's guilt trip for being a no show. It's not as stressful; I've yet to see any of the homeless or volunteers physically assault one another. It's much better than spending the day with a friend's family; that only reminds me of the happy loving family I don't have. And at the end of the day, I feel pretty darn good, instead of having the urge to swill several glasses of beer. . .

That's what works for me. As for the rest of the holiday stuff, bah humbug.

 

[vera]

i'll go over to my parents' (they live 6 hours from here, on the state border). it's usually funny... with children and young people and some very nice old people... it's not formal at all, the kind of friendly party where people group by age/interest to "eat drink and be merry" and hug eachother a lot, and you have a long table with children playing with their microscopes while they eat on one end, adults catching up on their lives in the middle and all the youth on the other end, with a laptop on the table. (last year, in between dishes, we took the family teens (17+) on a ride through sex-ed websites, and discused with them std rates and safe sex and sexual orientation tolerance... it felt so natural, and we all asked losts of questions and looked them up, and i guess it was great to use the very little time we have around eachother to try to give them info to keep themselves healthy. it was like out christmass gift to them).

so, in a way, i'm excited about going. even though loud noises like fireworks trigger me.
on the other hand, it's the family's first christmas without grandma. she died recently, and she was like the head of the clan, so i'm hoping it doesn't end up with everybody crying drunk and looking at old photos of her. that makes me kinda anxious.

 

[Deleted member 541]

The holidays are so much fun....Around here they start in Aug. The Christmas decorations are starting to be put up, and by Halloween we have pumpkins under the fully dressed trees. Cute......

By the time Thanksgiving has come and gone the real fun starts. Black Friday.....People are now officially nuts on this day as they gather at the stores at 2 am in the morning to get the latest and greatest at 1/2 price. All 3000 people standing in line for the 1 T.V or the 1 computer, or the 1 whatever. 3000 people all fighting to get that 1 item....

The people, the sights, the sounds....all of the assaults on my senses....NO THANKS!!!!!!!!

I think that there should be open season on the fat man in the red suit, give Frosty a blow torch to play with, and someone PLEASE pull the plug on the radio stations that play Christmas songs till I want to puke.

It used to be fun as a kid to take a late night drive around the neighborhood to see all of the beautifully decorated houses....NOW OMG!!!!! They are way over done, some are on the edge of hideous, and some could light up 3rd world countries with the lights they have in their front yards...

Thank god for online shopping, and gift cards is all I can say.....

 

[Marlene]

Thank god for online shopping, and gift cards is all I can say.....

Oh Amen, sister!!!! I've done a great deal of my shopping already online. Actually the first box arrived yesterday in the mail.

If there are a few gifts that I have to purchase in the 'real world' I make sure to time it just right to have the fewest people to contend with and take a family member with me to run tackle for me. Even my family can't stand the stores anymore. The stores are overheated, overloaded with crap (yeah, I want to buy reindeer poop candy or a statue of Santa sitting in an out-house...get real!), over filled with loud, obnoxious, pushy people, the Christmas music is too loud. Nothing like retailers to catch the real spirit of Christmas!!

Does anyone else out there have a radio station that starts playing 24/7 Christmas music on Thanksgiving day? Can you say just a BIT too much???

Do the terms 'subtle' and 'low-keyed' mean anything to these people anymore???

Lisa

 

[2quilt]

stress

I have a related thread, and I am not sure if the powers above want it here in this CHAT area or in the PTSD subject area. I will attempt to start my own thread question, asking for advice.

 

[ovation228]

I will most likely avoid rlthe family gatherings this year. I don't think I will be allowed to visit my in-laws in Loisiana. I hardly know my family here in Maryland.

 

[2quilt]

I am going to spend Thanksgiving with married friends, one who is supportive and one who triggers my PTSD badly.
Christmastime with Darling Husband alone just the two of us as usual, since I have abandoned my biological family long ago, and he prefers not to spend holidays with his, bless his heart, because he knows how crazy human beings can get.

 

[Deleted member 93]

I think that there should be open season on the fat man in the red suit, give Frosty a blow torch to play with, and someone PLEASE pull the plug on the radio stations that play Christmas songs till I want to puke.

LMAO, way too true!