Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

I would have a lot to say later about my occupationnal therapy because I'm feeling like my responsable is completely wrong about my actual state
With the help of my ergo I realized I don't allow me any positive acknowledgement because I hold myself responsible for the death of my mother
Hope that realization will make things fast because I started therapy at 7 and I'm 29 so it would be cool to actually make rapid progress now
ok I basically trigger myself for 24 hours in two days, so nothing triggering until Wednesday. ( also I can read about everthing in english but I still fail remembering how to spell days of the week....)
I got and build up my creative desk. I unvolontarly triggered myself with falcon and the winter solider.
I'm happy to have most of my furniture now. I still have nightmare every night and best friend is basically financially abused by our administration.
There are so many manga I want to buy but I have to read some before buying more.

Just a list of fact because I'm still upset over the fact I may blame myself for a death that happened when I was 9 years old
my mind is still in the past when my father was still alive. I can't be living alone, I'm living with my father. It's impossbile, impossible
There is no way I can living alone,I must return to my father's place. But he's dead since a long time now and the appartment sold. It's all wrong, my mind can't deal wih it