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Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

I'm strongly lacking on this two points and since I'm an emotion driven person it's very important that this changes
I did too much yesterday and, I guess, looked at things I shouldn't have. This morning I can't deal with muscles aches or my breast. I whish the muscles aches would just stop and my breast stop being there
I got a heavy emotional week, then a physically hard week, now my deep purulent sadness tense me so much bloating felt like hell and make me panic from stress and unusal body pain causing distress. I spent the last hours taking care of that. I'm so exhausted and still afraid my body or mind make me pay more for decades of deny of how awful my life used to be
I rapidly learnt how to survive, I have no clue how it's like to just living. When things get easier I freaked out or overdoing myself to the point of collapsing again

But it is the truth ? Maybe I'm just dramatizing things ? Where is the nomality in the scale ? I guess feeling discouraged everytime something isn't as expected isn't. But does surviving really fit what I lived ? How does it looks like when we're not talking about tangible fact ? It's a quesiton for another day