Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

[Givrali]

I guess dreaming of my father having cancer can count as an improvment as I'm actually confronting reality even if it's only throuth nightmare for now

 

[Givrali]

Another day...

 

[Givrali]

I no longer want to kill myslfet everytime my emotions are too hight

 

[Givrali]

I was terrified my whole life

 

[Givrali]

dissociation is my way to live

 

[Givrali]

Vent and personal opinions head

while this disord server (won't name it) is a meeting place I love I sometimes got very tired of autistics lacking obvious (to me) realities. No, autistcs aren't just misunterstooded exentrics people, we are disabilited people with sometimes very poor social and self-preserving skills (as not knowing what we're feeling or how to succefulls deal with our own emotions let alone other's ones). Yes we're functionning differently and yes it can be benefical, but it's mostly painful, disabiliting, unpratical and very lonely. Facts guys, facts.
Also I'm very lost when I heard autistics claim that a society formed by autistics could be functionnal. The core consequencies of our disability IS societal and about communication dumbass. Would you ask completly blind people to paint a masterpiece ?

 

[Givrali]

Better now. My nurse made a big mistake with my medicarion for a week and now it's been more a week I have the right my life is back to my normal. I made a picture of my right medication to check it fast and easy in case of doubt to avoid it happenning again in the futur

 

[mszl]

dissociation is my way to live

I can relate to this. It’s like breathing for me right now, and it costs me energy not to do it. My current view is that this will be my life from now on, and I can just learn to live and function with it.

 

[Givrali]

I can relate to this. It’s like breathing for me right now, and it costs me energy not to do it. My current view is that this will be my life from now on, and I can just learn to live and function with it.

I have a permanent form of light dissociation. I don't dissociate on command it's juste here all the time

 

[Givrali]

The hot weather is very hard on me. I do my best to not enter in a anxiety crisis like last year but we're only in the start of it. My building keeps a lot of heat by default and I stress very easily and hight when it's too hot. Most my focus these days is on dealing with hotness and anxiety ( I do have a cooler but I can't use it proprely because that would means to make a hole in my appartment and I don't have this right).

 

[Givrali]

of course I walked way too much yesterday. I don't even know how it still surprises me

 

[Givrali]

extra lonely this morning