Loventhe80s
Not Active
This is my first time posting, so I do apologize in advance if this should be posted somewhere else.
Growing into adulthood, becoming a wife and mother my priorities shifted from partying, etc, however as my new path shifted I started to sense a difference in the way my friends treated me, or maybe their behavior was always there and I just started to see how passive-aggressive they were, their humor was gossipy and mean spirited, not just towards me but many people. As this happened, a couple was introduced into the group, I would constantly hear that they reminded our friends of us - everyone was pleasant, in fact you could say the husbands very quickly became friends. When the new guy would drink, he would drink to excess after-which he would verbally target people without a pattern. Many would ignore him.
One day, at my husbands birthday party, his behavior escalated. After everyone left for the night, this guy and his wife stayed - among friendly banter, unprovoked the guy took an open full bottle of water and threw it at my husbands head, my husband sat quietly and toweled himself off. They then decided to leave and the guy was getting up he fell into our patio screen. My husband wanted to move passed his friends bottle incident...and have a get together at our home. I didn't want to be home, and seriously considered staying at my parents that night - I just had a bad feeling about that night. This guy, in a drunken stupor and in front of his wife, attempted to grope my breasts from behind me... as my husband was outside on the patio with the other friends! I very calmly moved his hands away from me, however he pushed himself again towards me...his wife grabbed and pulled him away.
I tried to confront my husband about his friends behavior many times...and I'm not sure if it was because of the pandemic or sheer denial... but why in the f--k did it take a solid month after hearing another man try to touch his wife before he confront him?! Why was he mad that I wouldn't accept the guys asshat apology (apologizing for my feelings, not his actions)?! Why would the wife lie and say to my husband it was "just a hug."
I feel I can't trust anyone in that group anymore. I decided after that to nix the entire group, I don't feel safe anymore.
The friend to this day continues to call/text my husband, who continues to talk to him as if nothing occurred. I felt like I was asked to sweep this incident under the rug so the friendship can remain intact. We even recently met up with one of the couples from the group WHO KNEW NOTHING and I ended up telling the wife everything. My husbands response was quietly saying, "...now everyone will know..." WTF?!
I have known my husband almost my entire life, and he has never had patience for this crap...he always had a zero tolerance policy and has kept a very close few close to his heart. When I would walk down the street with him, I felt safe... I felt loved. I don't understand/recognize my husbands behavior anymore and its really confusing me. He says the right words, but his actions reflect something else.
An entire year passed (pandemic) and for an entire year I felt safe, I had my husband back. No calls, no groping...peace...
Then last week he called. I'm now stuck in last years events, with the unspoken feelings of asked to forget, and asked to ignore.
Today I woke up wanting to move into the guest bedroom because I don't recognize my husband anymore...I'm mad the guy, the wife and the friends....but so mad at my husband too. I feel like I'm losing a grasp on reality through this unspoken denial of events.
How can I move forward, keeping my sanity and confidence intact?
Growing into adulthood, becoming a wife and mother my priorities shifted from partying, etc, however as my new path shifted I started to sense a difference in the way my friends treated me, or maybe their behavior was always there and I just started to see how passive-aggressive they were, their humor was gossipy and mean spirited, not just towards me but many people. As this happened, a couple was introduced into the group, I would constantly hear that they reminded our friends of us - everyone was pleasant, in fact you could say the husbands very quickly became friends. When the new guy would drink, he would drink to excess after-which he would verbally target people without a pattern. Many would ignore him.
One day, at my husbands birthday party, his behavior escalated. After everyone left for the night, this guy and his wife stayed - among friendly banter, unprovoked the guy took an open full bottle of water and threw it at my husbands head, my husband sat quietly and toweled himself off. They then decided to leave and the guy was getting up he fell into our patio screen. My husband wanted to move passed his friends bottle incident...and have a get together at our home. I didn't want to be home, and seriously considered staying at my parents that night - I just had a bad feeling about that night. This guy, in a drunken stupor and in front of his wife, attempted to grope my breasts from behind me... as my husband was outside on the patio with the other friends! I very calmly moved his hands away from me, however he pushed himself again towards me...his wife grabbed and pulled him away.
I tried to confront my husband about his friends behavior many times...and I'm not sure if it was because of the pandemic or sheer denial... but why in the f--k did it take a solid month after hearing another man try to touch his wife before he confront him?! Why was he mad that I wouldn't accept the guys asshat apology (apologizing for my feelings, not his actions)?! Why would the wife lie and say to my husband it was "just a hug."
I feel I can't trust anyone in that group anymore. I decided after that to nix the entire group, I don't feel safe anymore.
The friend to this day continues to call/text my husband, who continues to talk to him as if nothing occurred. I felt like I was asked to sweep this incident under the rug so the friendship can remain intact. We even recently met up with one of the couples from the group WHO KNEW NOTHING and I ended up telling the wife everything. My husbands response was quietly saying, "...now everyone will know..." WTF?!
I have known my husband almost my entire life, and he has never had patience for this crap...he always had a zero tolerance policy and has kept a very close few close to his heart. When I would walk down the street with him, I felt safe... I felt loved. I don't understand/recognize my husbands behavior anymore and its really confusing me. He says the right words, but his actions reflect something else.
An entire year passed (pandemic) and for an entire year I felt safe, I had my husband back. No calls, no groping...peace...
Then last week he called. I'm now stuck in last years events, with the unspoken feelings of asked to forget, and asked to ignore.
Today I woke up wanting to move into the guest bedroom because I don't recognize my husband anymore...I'm mad the guy, the wife and the friends....but so mad at my husband too. I feel like I'm losing a grasp on reality through this unspoken denial of events.
How can I move forward, keeping my sanity and confidence intact?