How Did You Meet Your Closest Friends?

[lostforgottensoul]

So today in therapy we spoke about pros and cons of my dad & step mom moving or staying. He has been trying to get me to be ok with them moving out for a long time now. Its coming close to that time where im starting to be ok with them leaving but they will likily move out of the area and up to the north part of the State. If they do, that leaves me 100% alone. I have no friends, no family other than them, no nobody.

Part of that issue is im self isolated and rather a hermit. I go to work, keep to myself while there, and come home. I go to the store on the way home from therapy each week to get what i need for the week and that's it. I stay inside for the remainder of my time. So getting myself to actually go somewhere is problem one.

But once I do, problem two starts: How do "normal" people meet others? I dont ever know how to strike up a conversation with someone and I only speak when spoken to and even then I dont say much and try to stay aware of saying something stupid where they all look at each other and laugh (happens a lot), and trying to stay aware of upsetting anyone. Sort of like having a conversation on egg shells. Like how do "normal" people do this?

My therpist said that every place there are regulars and so if I see the same faces that can help but my question to the forum is how did you meet your best or closest friends? How did you start a conversation to even meet them? What do you do to meet people?

And I guess this would be directed to the ones that have a terror about other people as thats what keeps me at a distance from others.

 

[Virtues]

I guess I was lucky in the fact that I was part of an institution (the U.S. Marine Corps) when I met my closest friend. I was at work and he asked me for a cigarette. We started up a conversation and it was an instant connection. Granted I am very guarded so I didn't let him in right away, but piece by piece I took down my wall and let him in. Even after we parted ways in the Marine Corps we remained close friends. He has come to visit me at my home in Florida and will more than likely visit again and we stay in contact via phone and facebook.

I think sometimes friends just happen and you can't plan for it. Sometimes God just puts people in our path when we both need each other and that is how it starts; it is up to us to foster that relationship and allow it to grow into something grand. For me, I just knew almost right away that this person was going to be a positive impact on my life.

 

[Heather]

I really struggle with this too. what about neighbors?.... anyone you might want to try and establish a connection with? I recently joined the YMCA and have been going pretty regularly there are people there that I talk to... nothing deep just friendly chit chat. it's a stat you know.

 

[Justmehere]

A few places:

Volunteering
Spiritual or religious groups
Meetup dot com groups
Support or recovery groups
Recreational sports teams

I have almost zero ability to do small talk and I struggle with making friends offline. However, I found it to be the easiest when we are already doing something else together like volunteering.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

he asked me for a cigarette.

I used to be able to converse with people when I smoked. Im using a nicotine valorizer now but i use it inside work though im not suppose to, I just blow it under my desk so thats out now. Sometimes people ask about the vaporizer (how well it works etc) but thats about the end of it.

what about neighbors?..

I dont know my neighbors but my dad does so im going to see if i can pick his brain as he like knows whom does what when; he's retired and have nothing better to do then to sit out in the screened in porch and learn whom walks what dog when (whom speeds, whom has more company...it actually can get a bit creepy and im forever getting on to him about being too nosey and not to get into the middle of fights, he doesnt seem to get he isnt 20 in 'Nam anymore) but he has all the details about neighbors.

I recently joined the YMCA and have been going pretty regularly there are people there that I talk to... nothing deep just friendly chit chat. it's a stat you know.

Not sure about the Y cuz of the pain but i have to figure out something i can physically do. My therapist was talking about going to like Panera Bread just to use their wifi and learning whom the regulars are. Though I dont have a currently working laptop. Working on fixing some but they arent there yet.

Or like a sports bar and not drink but i dont know. Just trying to sort of brain storm with how others met their friends.

Volunteering
Spiritual or religious groups
Meetup dot com groups
Support or recovery groups
Recreational sports teams

I used to volunteer with an animal rescue but cant anymore. I have to figure out something non-physical. My therapist mentioned a church but im not sure if i can force myself to do that again. My dad & step mom made good friends with their ex neighbors and they go to church so if i do that i was thinking that would be the only way.

Meet up dot com groups, is that safe?

 

[Heather]

I'm sure he y there has a pool. most of the time I sit on the steps with water up to my chin in shallow end..... it is so relaxing and refreshing. especially on a really hot day and you're in fl. Right? I'm sure you have plenty of those..... just a thought. I love it.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

I have to figure out something non-physical

Before recent injury walked my dog 4 miles a day and got to know the neighbors. Dog shields are wonderful, interact, and a process to friendly. Made a few real friends. 8 months into not walking…. yes, a challenge. Right now the friends are away for a month or so. They walked my dog almost every day since I can't, and we are both adjusting, as well as that I have to move.

Can you walk your dog at all to make connections with neighbors? Walking her opened me up to feeling OK outside with people, and interaction. Closing down again, and that is not good.

 

[Deleted member 34535]

So today in therapy we spoke about pros and cons of my dad & step mom moving or staying. He...

Lost, it sounds like we are two peas in a pod. I have no family and only one or two close friends that I will call and that I feel I can count on to be there. I work full time. I have no problem at all conversing with customers and the people that I work with. I have chalked this up to the belief that I have a portion of control over these situations. I am not going into them blind like I would be if it were strictly a social encounter. I do not do too many purely social encounters. There, for me, is almost always a diversion that keeps me from focusing on being terrified as i would be in a purely social setting. My challenge moving forward will be how do I bridge the gap between the purely social settings and ones where I have a workable diversion. Once I figure it out, I will let you know.

 

[Ronin]

At the meetings of people who fear people.

No, really, various self help groups and NGOs groups have interesting goers at times.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I met my current friends through past friends. But those people I met through other friends, or coworkers, or the like.

I was actually extreme isolated at one point. I found it to be a good assignment to be friendly with coworkers, force myself to be a part of structured classes, and just generally be friendly. It takes a long time to meet a best friend. But along the way? Social connection. Start small. Maybe try giving yourself a few assignments that are easy: tam to a coworker about something non-work related twice a week and be friendly to the grocery store cashier every time you go. Once those two things seem doable, ad ms in a third, like saying hello to someone you don't know, or going out another time in the week. As you progress, you will find people.

I also find it helpful, when I'm isolating, to be near people but not interact. A little of an intermediary, if you will. Libraries are great for his. In society, but they're not supposed to talk to you. Maybe a step in between comete isolation and somehing overwhelming like a bar?

 

[Deleted member 34535]

So today in therapy we spoke about pros and cons of my dad & step mom moving or staying. He...

Lost, I just stepped outside for a cigarette and had a thought. Believe me, i have lots of them. Let's say that in those situations like work or fishing or whatever, I have not only the diversion, but I also have control over the situation as well. Having control over the situation may just bring me out of my hyper-vigilant state that I would be in if it were purely a social setting where there are too many unknowns. It is definitely something to ponder and if you want, ask your therapist about. Hope it helps and I hope you are feeling better.

 

[Justmehere]

Meet up dot com groups, is that safe?

I go to the events that meet and stay in public. I went to one group that was for introverts that did board games at a local pub. They were awesome because we all joked how hard small talk was and somehow that made it easier. I have yet to encounter any unsafe people, but I stick to pretty public groups.

I used to volunteer with an animal rescue but cant anymore. I have to figure out something non-physical.

There are a couple volunteer databases that have lots of info like volunteer match dot com.

I get hesitant about churches too - sometimes parachurch groups (ones that encompass several churches) are easier for me.

I hope your father can give some good input about the neighbors and that you find good safe places to connect.