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How Did You Sleep Last Night?

Couldn't get to sleep till hours after light came up. Not had that for a few weeks. Which is amazing actually. The fact I mostly got to sleep before it got light for the last little while is amazing.
 
I slept-slept on… Monday? 3 and a half days pushing 4, ago. Whatever the hell day that was. First 3 days I DID sleep for about 20 minutes half a dozen times, but it wasn’t enough to knock the hard edges off. So tripped into hallucinating off and on. Mostly visual, yesterday. Mostly auditory today. BUT??? 🤩 I got a solid hour this morning, even if it was wake up sweat slick & shaking nightmare sleep…

…aaaaaaaand got startled, (maybe a minute and a half after that blessed hour, my brain and legs all wobbly still, but attempting breakfast hoping it will push me back into more sleep on a full belly) and lit into the person who startled me. Fawk. f*ckity f*ck f*ck f*ck. Worse? After I had JUST told them I was on day three, so I need to be careful not to-

💥KABOOM!!!💥

Too late.

Zero to 5th gear in a fraction of a second.

All my fault.

Ordinarily? I could shrug and ignore their domestic with the fridge. That’s probably what they expect me to do. I didn’t. No thinking, just reacting.

I lit into them, they lit into me, & to our separate corners we went.

I apologised.
They didn’t accept. They went to bed.
I went back to hallucinating. Mostly sound, today.
They got up. They still don’t accept.
Not a lot I can do about that… and I don’t trust my judgement on what I CAN do, until I get some fawking sleep.

Sleep & Self Control. Wanted. Competitive wages. No holidays. Submit resumes from safe distance. Fawk.

🫨😵‍💫😵

😴 ???

😴 ?????
 
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I was out for about 11 hours ??? Barely conscious sometime in the middle but didn't fully awake up until 9pm.

??? !!!

Really dehydrated and feel a headache coming on.

Still remember my dream for once, the entirety of it ...
 
I’ve been on a 2 hours per day kick, for about a week.

If patterns hold?

I’ll end up doing 2 hours twice a day.
Then 72-96 awake
4 hours sleep.
FINALLY.

TOO LITTLE.
ENOUGH (spaced awkwardly).
Jolt / Hullo Sleep dep
Back to 4 hours.

So it’s just riding this glitch out.
 
Haven't had a night this bad in a long while. I've had to come off my meds because I'm currently on antibiotics, one of the side effects is disturbed sleep. No kidding.

Lay in bed for hours like a zombie, tired but not sleeping. When I did finally sleep the nightmares started. Last night I was having one about my home town burning down with 2500 people displaced. I don't know where this one came from because I've never experienced a fire and I'm living over 200 miles from there.

I'll be so relieved when I can start my meds again.
 
lately back into the phase of waking up after about 4 hrs after falling asleep no matter what i take, unless it’s too sedating and that level of sedating is triggering and leaves me with serious derealization for like the whole day upon waking. when i wake up my trauma seems activated but i don’t remember nightmares. last night took xanax.

4 hrs i can deal with. sometimes it’s 3 and that feels like a sort of line for me in terms of how the day goes, traumawise and otherwise.
 

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