How Do I Beat Alcohol?

[Lucycat]

Thanks for all your comments.

Anthony, I cannot get my husband to look at this forum, but this evening over dinner - with a glass of wine- I was telling him about it , and about you as the founder. I mentioned how I appreciate your bluntness and ability to stirr up discussion!!

When I started this thread I was feeling that life was very bleak.

I have discussed alcohol with my T. He admitted he already knew as before he became my therapist we had met socially - in the pub! I've seen him drunk too, although rarely. His take is it is OK to enjoy alcohol, but when it is no longer enjoyable then it is a problem. Earlier this week it was definately a problem. Today it is not. I know what triggered me, and I turned to the drink to try and shut it out. Of course it did not work. He does not want me to drink if I am feeling stressed, but my old coping mechanism was to do just that.

Because I stopped altogether previously for 6 months I just cannot handle what I drank before. Tonight after a couple of glasses of wine I had a wee snooze. Previously a couple of bottles would have had less impact. I think it is good that I tolerate less. But I care more now. I guess I am looking to heal everything at once and get so frustrated by the backward steps.

Cheers,

Lucy x

 

[anthony]

You and your therapist are exactly on the money... it is about relearning behaviours so its not such a problem any more. Like you, one or two scotches now knocks me out nearly and I want a snooze... where when I was drinking daily, I could drink a full 750ml bottle of 90 proof rum, bourbon or scotch, and then be looking for more.

We all know binge drinking is wrong, but lets also face facts, sometimes you just need to let your hair down and get smashed. You get some who are against it totally, you get some who are for it, then you have common-sense that says if you just need to let your hair down once in a while by going out, drinking to much, but having a really good night out, then really how harmful is it? If you're not a violent drunk, then its not an issue. If you're not doing it every week, ie. once a month minimum, preferably once every 2 - 3 months, and the result is a much more relaxed you without any hurt to you, your relationship, friends, work, etc... then is it wrong?

Alcohol has known medical issues if you consume it daily, every day, if you make it a part of your life without alcohol free days, weeks, even months, then it can cause kidney issues / likely will cause kidney issues, and you don't have spare kidneys hanging about, so you need to treat the kidney you have with some medical respect before its to late. When its a problem, then you know you need to take action and implement change. You admit its an issue, so implement change. Even at night when you have two glasses of wine, you need to maybe begin making each glass smaller in size and slowly decreasing your consumption vs. trying to just remove two glasses into one glass with dinner.

It really is behavioural, and you MUST do it gradually in order to really see the correct effect. A gradual taper from alcohol has seen my changes from a functioning alcoholic to a person who has one scotch and feels drunk after it. If I just stopped drinking altogether, that would have likely led me to just crave it and then binge drink / return to full drinking, sneaky drinking, lying about drinking, etc. Change the behaviour and you suddenly find yourself no longer missing it, but instead just enjoying the occasional drink.

 

[James B.]

I agree with Anthony's common sense and very realistic approach to moderation in general. And, for the record, think AA sux, too. :rolleyes: Chemicals and our relationships with them are somewhat personal, somewhat individualized. Think this is a safe assumption. If someone can relax with a drink or two, or go out and cut-loose once in a while - like Anthony suggested, once every 2 or 3 months - more power to 'em. Agree with the need to let one's hair down and being realistic about this type of need.

From a chemical standpoint, Alcohol doesn't relax me. It's like rocket fuel, I get lit and what seems like a full adrenaline shot. Fluttery heart, the works. I don't dig it and to be honest, since I know I'm "under the influence" feel more inhibited on booze, too. Plus, I am on psych meds. Sure, I bet if I had a glass of wine (or two) one or twice a week, it wouldn't (probably) be a conflict with my meds; but how could I be sure? Personally, being on meds and drinking seems like, well, a "conflict of interest" for lack of a better way to put it. An "incongruity" at the chemical and philosophic level, I guess.

But, I will take Anthony's notion of being realistic and run with it, just different chemicals, different strokes, different goals and "ideas" about what personally constitutes "relaxation". His idea is exactly what I had in mind. But, it has to wait while I do my healing stuff. Cannabis. Still, a part of me wants to relax without "substances", or meds, or having to do a ton of exercising... and a part of me thinks it's doable. A part of me thinks it's doable, through meditation.

This is probably related to aging, and with what I associate different chemicals too in terms of my life experience; running, avoidance, self-defeat, all that. Have failed at meditation for a long time, really just beginning - but, it's a funny thing. A tiny part of me, this little voice whispers, says: "keep going, it's there, just keep going". No doubt this is a "quasi earth-hippie burnout" thing...burnt out on "drugs and alcohol" - burnt big time, and looking. For something more genuine. Who knows? Maybe I'll find it.

Best wishes to everyone on their path, straight, sober whatever. :smile:
James B.

 

[goingonhope]

Since even occassional abusive drinking and thus hurting ourselves is just one of many ways we reenact trauma I'd suggest you continue to unravel, expose and discuss your trauma and/or any and all secrets with your therapist, a support group of survivors, personally with another you can trust, or even anonymously; Perhaps all of the preceding suggestions or some combination.

So importantly is it though, to continue to talk it out, tell all of your story and talk it to death if you must, so that your secrets don't poison you, and so that you don't fall too deeply into gradually and progressively harming yourself through reenacting trauma.

Ptsd sufferers do sometimes reenact there trauma to death.

I'm thinking that sounds harsh, as it does to me, but all too often it's just as it is, a harsh truth in that if we repetitively: neglect and deprive our health, or overeat, binge, vomit, starve ourselves, cut ourselves, neglect and deprive ourselves of life, engage in too much or too heavy drinking, or drugs, etc. ,,, If so, ...What really too often is being done is trauma(s) are being reenacted, in some form or shape.

Lucycat, can you see any connections or links from this "coping mechnism" to your trauma(s)?

Also, BTW, Well done in discussing this. Keep up your good efforts and work!

And, please be kind to yourself, whether you want to or not, just try an do so anyhow until being kind to yourself through even the roughest times becomes habit; I once did this and it went well, but habits like this really do need as much maintenance and more, then the self-destructive habits we all too often find.

Will be thinking of you, and my best to you,
Hope

 

[Aine]

I have to say that I agree with anthony.
It's a common tip for giving up almost anything, a good example is the pro-ana community, most sites will post the message: restrict calories, don't fast. You fast and you're more likely to binge. It's the same with alcohol, cigarettes...it's why methadone is used to wean people off heroin. A lot of the time, restricting works better than going cold turkey.

 

[Lucycat]

Goingonhope, the link between alcohol and my trauma is probably the same as for many others. I lack confidence and hide from life. I found alcohol to be a crutch to help me in social situations. People tell me I'm funny when I've had a drink, reinforcing the notion that the sober me is not fun to be with. And if I drink to fall asleep I can escape from stressful situations like parties etc. I have got out of so many events by having to go to bed... and I find my voice when I'm drunk.

I am sure this is no surprise to many others.

 

[Jade-]

I'm going out tonight with friends, the first time in about 3 weeks. I plan on having a couple/few drinks. The only thing I worry about is not stopping.

Is it best to not drink what I normally drink(which is straight jack daniels)...drink slowly(instead of chugging) or what? Don't say to stay home because I need to learn to control the amount I drink when I'm out somewhere.

Oh, the other thing is anxiety before I do go out. I usually start drinking before I even go to ease my nerves. I always think I'm just gonna have a shot or two, but it ends up with me tipping the bottle.

 

[James B.]

Maybe try mixing the shot of jack in a tall glass of water...then sipping. :rolleyes:

 

[Jade-]

sipping? Ha, I wish I could. Maybe I will try some stupid fruity drink that women are supposed to like anyway instead of the hard stuff.

 

[Jade-]

Ended up doing the same thing I usualy do. I wanted to have a shot or two to calm my nerves before going out, but ended up drinking 1/3 bottle of jack before I was even picked up. Then I ordered drinks right off the bat and chugged them. WTF am I doing wrong? I guess I don't get how to do this.

 

[James B.]

You know what's funny Jadebear? I knew when I posted my suggestion up thread that you'd say and do something contrary. It's getting old Jadebear.

 

[Jade-]

It's getting old Jadebear.

If I said what I'm really thinking right now james, I'm sure I'd get banned. So I won't.