How do you brag about yourself?

[Rose White]

@Friday and @Multitudes Very helpful! I am seeing how this might be done. Thank you for giving me examples of what this sounds like and for explaining the nuances, reasons why this is acceptable, and how it helps to connect.

It is still ridiculously hard for me, but much more tangible.

@EveHarrington your questioning helped tremendously because that’s exactly how I was thinking, so it worked well to clarify and focus the issue.

 

[EveHarrington]

Given the dictionary definitions I’ve found online for “brag”, I’m sticking with my original thoughts. Simply mentioning or discussing your talents or accomplishments is NOT bragging. Bragging is more along the lines of boasting and acting like you’re better than everyone else. But hey, if you want to use your own definition of brag, all the more power to you. Just don’t expect people to actually want to connect with a braggart.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I think your therapist used poor terminology when she gave you this directive. She might have said it in a different way.

 

[Rose White]

If I say, “I’m proud to be a woman—I like being in ‘the girls club,’” is that kind of like bragging? It’s not a talent or an accomplishment. And saying that is something new, because mostly I have hated being a woman, and fantasized about being a boy. So to say, “I’m proud to be a woman,” is to assert my femininity and say, “ This is mine, separate from men. Men can’t ever have this.” And it’s kind of like bragging. But only if I say it to men. Saying it to women, might be a way of connecting with them—something I long to do.

But it’s not really bragging. So I need to think about talents and accomplishments...

 

[Changing4Best]

"I was told recently that I am a good caregiver." That is exactly what I said not long ago to someone, I forget who. However, it was true. It was said to me twice in only a few days. It was a nurse who said it, actually, which was twice the compliment! (Now that I remember).

 

[mumstheword]

Sometimes when I meet other sufferers who have and are going through tremendous suffering, I say "I think we are awesome just for getting up and getting through each day and still being here".
I say it with huge enthusiasm.
I like to joke brag sometimes when my kids put me down. It's very light and jovial.
I think it's important not to take ourselves too seriously. Maybe try joke brah?
Sometimes parodying things is easier than trying to do it in a serious style.

brah

Brag not brah, stupid auto mistske

 

[Rose White]

@SheilaKathy that’s a great example! I regularly talk about how great my work life is so we are trying to focus on accomplishments having to do with home and personal life.

@mumstheword

"I think we are awesome just for getting up and getting through each day and still being here".

I think it's important not to take ourselves too seriously. Maybe try joke brah?

I think you are right, getting up and getting through the day is a real accomplishment! But saying something like, “Guess what? I didn’t want to disappear off the face of the Earth today,” sounds pathetic. Equally, “I messaged my cousin two days ago,” feels like...lame.

Now I realize that I’m trying to perfectionize the brag—it doesn’t have to be perfect!

I had to chuckle when I read “try joke brah?” Even though it was autocorrect it made it more funny!

Honestly I think it would be way easier to leave a joke than a brag on the answering machine! Maybe I can do that, maybe it can be part brag part joke—I like that idea, make up something outlandish to brag about that couldn’t possibly be true, or maybe it’s partly true.

Feeling a little hopeful about my ability to do this, but nervous because it means I’m closer to having to actually do it. This is all just for practice, not even “real” yet and I am uncertain if I can. I do not want to do it. T says don’t do it if you don’t want to. Remembering that actually gives me a boost, wanting to prove myself. Ugh. Resisting. I wonder if I will be able to do this today. Honestly, even just leaving a voicemail is super hard and painful because of the self-criticism and judgment that engulfs me as soon as I hang up. Isolation is so much more familiar—but unhealthy. I hope I am able to do this today.

I did a google search on this topic and there are plenty of articles on this topic, not just for job interviews, but usually for business purposes. Some good ideas. One that seemed plausible was “share a sense of awe or wonder.” I could see that working at some point in the future because I love nature and taking pictures.

Seriousness can definitely get in the way of connection and reaching out, I FEEL that, I recognize that. A lighthearted brag could be a good way of connecting—I see that, I want to be able to do that. And a good-natured brag is only one technique out of probably many. (I’m rationalizing why this is okay in spite of the fact that I’m struggling with it.)

 

[Changing4Best]

@SheilaKathy that’s a great example! I regularly talk about how great my w...

How about, "My friend, so and so, really enjoyed the meal I cooked for them last week." or "What do you think of this outfit? So and so says it looks good on me." In the 2nd example, you get them to brag on you too (hopefully!)

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Searching4Self.... I think it's more for me self esteem.... Not

Being aggorant... Like I know I'm a great artist....Usually when people see my work they say nothing.... Or talk about how it could be changed... I say thanks for your opinion... But I know it's good... I guess that might sound aggorant. But it's more about self esteem... Mine.

What are you good at?

 

[Rose White]

@SheilaKathy good ideas. I hope to be able to get to where I can talk about fashion and dress more. My T usually comments on my dress and I finally realized that I *never* comment on hers, but I want to start doing it. I spent decades dressing in old, torn, stained clothes (always clean). I rationalized it by saying I didn’t care about my looks, that I didn’t want to be arrogant and draw attention to myself. But now I understand that my lack of attention to my looks was a physical barrier to prevent anyone from being attracted to me, and it was like a test to see if they really liked me. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to deny my gender or my attractiveness. I realize that it’s okay to be appealing and that it’s okay to be “a part of that world.”

@Xena, it really *is* about self-esteem, I’m starting to see that now.

I did leave the message. It ended up being a brag about progress with my piano playing. I shared the accomplishment that i was able to practice playing different tempos on each hand at the same time, that it was hard but I made a bit of progress. I felt like I “perfectionized” my brag, but that’s okay—I’m forgiving myself because I did it. I can’t really imagine bragging to anyone in real life about my piano playing because either people don’t play or they play way better than me, but whatever. It was a start!

I really appreciate everyone’s feedback. I hope I can continue to share my accomplishments. It really is a good way to connect in a positive way, and one of my complaints before was that I was a “Debbie Downer,” tending to steer the conversation into negative territory, so this is a good skill to practice.

 

[Mach123]

I don't say things properly. I would not attempt this now. In fact I'm thinking about how I need to be quiet. I hurt myself when I speak. I'm just really trying to get in touch with this. I was angry today and that energy makes me talk to myself out loud. I'm trying to be aware of that and stop doing it. I didn't like the term brag either but I'm sure she meant like a positive affirmation thing.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Searching4Self... See your good at piano... I can't play but I'm impressed by anyone that can. I know it takes commitment to get good...
I was told from a young age too I was ugly, stupid.... Brainwashed into believing that shite.... But you know I'm not ugly or stupid.... But that took years to figure out... I had to learn they were lying.. Were nasty evil asshole s... Who should never have done that to a kid...
You will get there.....