How Do You Deal With Difficult People

[Anarchy]

It's more than just an unpleasant smell. It's illegal.

It may well be Illegal
You are making a huge deal of the illegality of his actions, but paying rather scant notice of it with respect to your own

Child support hasn't come in. Hardly have any money....seriously contemplated shoplifting. What am I thinking? Desperation taking over. I didn't do it though...

This was awhile ago. I stole my mothers favorite ring and pawned it for 165 dollars. I also found 400 dollars in the back of her dresser and stole it.
Oh, I also stole my landlords black magic marker that was in the basement. That was about a month ago.

Which suggests that you are using the illegality argument as a post hoc justification for acting on what's in your head, with this guy as the human punch bag

The hallway stunk AGAIN this morning. I called the cops when I smelt it and asked for them to come by.

In the meantime they arrived back home and sprayed the hallway with air-freshner to cover up the smell. So, now I have no proof. So, I cancelled the call. Frustrating.

notice the contradiction in there?

perhaps a can of air freshener and a friendly word with the poor guy would be a better use of effort and resources than trying to vindictively set the cops on him?

Hmm decided to change my post and say I hope you do what is best for you and Your daughter, sorry it is an unpleasant smell!

I had a PM earlier from a member who told me that they'd had it with the board and the vindictive folks who are posting on it. referreing specifically to this thread. If I don't see the member back again in a couple of days, I'll be forwarding it to the moderators.

We've had people on here before who got all offended if anyone questioned them, and they trained people to pussy foot around them and validate, reward and reinforce their dysfunction.

I seem to remember one of them coming up against a long term member who stood firm - and the member who was used to escalating, kept escalating and eventually stormed out threatening their own suicide.

What I've seen in this thread, and quoted in this post, is someone externalising their intolerance onto another person, and blaming that other person for any consequences of the externaliser's actions. That has a name

and if the externalisation is how the person always acts, then it is a personality disorder

I'm not going to validate the person who's externalising and i'm not going to walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting them.

At the very least we've seen hypocrisy, and at the worst, we're seeing a search for validation for narcissistic abuse by proxy towards the dope smoker.

 

[Socha]

I read the whole thread and there was something constantly coming back to my mind everytime I read "because it's illegal".
When you walk through the streets of bigger cities in the Netherlands you will smell weed at some point or another and no one cares. Adults, kids, cops... Just no one and there are no more or less teenagers smoking weed and pot than anywhere else.
So my guess is this: if you and your daughter just happened to live in another part of the world or with different laws you wouldn't call the cops and probably wouldn't be as stressed as you are about it. When it comes to health risks for children it's no different than tabacco.

What you wrote sounds a lot like something I experienced. I have a neighbor who plays loud music in the basement while he potters around on whatever his current project is and doesn't even bother to shut the door so the music is blaring through the entire stairway and some days it's so loud that I not only hear the base but also can recognize the songs when I'm in my living room. In the beginning I just wanted him to turn it off, I hated it, I hated him, I even hated how he mopped the stairs and parked his car. I was annoyed by his music I blamed him for my panic attacks and all that because this poor guy had a good time in his basement. I was constantly thinking about the "rules" and how the tenancy agreement said it's not allowed to play loud music. I got angry because how on earth could someone do something that IS NOT ALLOWED and more importantly annoys the crap out of me! I didn't say anything though and the better I felt the less I stressed about him.
Fast forward... He turned out to be a really great neighbor who gets out of bed at 4am to help me get into my appartment with no keys because I was drunk and left them at my friends place. The next morning I woke up, crawled out of bed with a huge headache to walk the dog and found orange juice and fresh croissants in front of my door. Accepting neighbors as what they are - human beings with as much annoying habits as yourself ;) - makes it not only easier for them but also for yourself and allows you to do things that are "not allowed" or annoying to others as well. Win win.

 

[Neverthesame]

@Socha I'll tell you what my issue with it is.

You very nearly had it with your comment. The fact that it's illegal.

I don't care that it's pot. The fact is he has to get it from somewhere, someone. Being illegal means that the supplier can't protect his inventory the same way a marijuana supplier in Amsterdam would. If someone decided to steal from the legal European supplier, he would have an insurance policy in place to protect the value of his assets. Besides basic theft deterrence, not much else needs to be done.

Black market drug supplier in the United States however, does not have this. If someone steals his inventory, he is gonna have to give up a pound of flesh for it. He's going to need to protect his assets himself.

That's the danger. Yes, real danger.

It's not just annoyance from someone being a 'rebel' flouting the law. It's someone willingly exposing those around them to a unnecessary amout of risk. For what reason? So buddy can get stoned?

Why this guy appears to be valued as some sort of freedom fighter, because he's a pot head. It's staggering to me. I legitimately don't understand why a single mother is being made out to be a tyrant because she wants to keep illigal drugs away from her traumatized adolescent daughter?

I get it. Pot isn't that bad. That's not the point.

When did being a responsible parent become a sin?

EDIT: I'm done with this thread. I don't need to have my opinion validated to know that I am talking sense here. I am however swiftly losing my ability to respond in a civilised manor.

 

[Socha]

The main concern as I understood was the smell and the chemicals in the first place. Not the very unlikely danger of a shootout between a pot-head and his supplier.
I don't know about the United States but I can't imagine it's that much different from here. I've spent some time in that world myself and never saw anyone exposing someone else to any risk that might be considered a danger to a neighbor.
I also don't think of people who smoke weed as freedom fighters or even rebels. They are just people like everyone else who happen to like smoking weed.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a responsible parent and I don't think anyone wrote or meant that but to me it seems more like worries and stress that don't do anyone any good - mom, daugher, neighbor, tenant - and could be easily resolved.

 

[Ed Norton]

She can do as she pleases but people don't have to agree or have the same opinions.The sun will shine in the morning and the earth will turn round and round no matter the outcome.

It seems that she was asking for opinions but the title should really be 'I'm doing such and such so agree with me or be wrong'

I am not one to beat a dead horse so I'll retire myself too. Also, I really don't have anything else to say.

Here is what real danger looks like, maybe feel grateful.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-will-become-of-us.59898/

NB: accidentally deleted the original trying to put a stupid comma but it was faithfully restored with word prediction! It's not deja vu lol


G'day all

 

[Heather]

@Neverthesame If I could like your post 1,000 times I would. Your support is much appreciated.

 

[Anarchy]

I don't think anyone has portrayed the dope smoker as a freedom fighter or hero.

IIRC, I referred to him as something of a loser, but he's very unlikely to be a threat, and certainly isn't deserving of being snitched on.

The money value of the few fractions of an ounce of dope that a user on welfare is likely to be buying or holding, certainly wouldn't justify running the risk of a dealer getting caught for a violent attack, and he's hardly likely to have many valuables worth stealing. Plus, you'd know if he was dealing, there'd be a constant traffic of visitors.

There's probably less risk from this guy, than from someone who s going through a lot of dating partners, getting a visit from a jealous ex.

@Socha very clearly and kindly expressed.

 

[Heather]

Still need help on how to deal with difficult people:

My therapist is out of town and I was scheduled to see my old therapist. Her position has been changed and she is now in "mobile crisis" and she told me that she had a crisis call at 3:30. We had set up our meeting for 3:00. We set up the meeting at that time because my daughter had her appt. at 3pm also. I called and asked if I could come at 2:45pm, so we could as least have 45minutes. She said yes.

I got there well before 2:45 and she took a phone call. I had been sitting there for over 20 minutes waiting for her, time is now 3:05pm. There'd be less than half hour to see her and with everything going on I need all the time I can get.

So, I knocked on the window and asked where she was. I was rudely told by the receptionist (Sally) that she was still on the phone, there was nothing she could do and I would just have to wait. She was so f*cking nasty. Even my daughter said, "why is she being so nasty?" I said nothing but I was so pissed, we walked out and left. Next time I'm not going to be so polite.

This is the 3rd time that something like this has happened. It's gotten so bad that when I come to check in I don't even want to deal with her (Sally). There's no reason for her to be so mean!

I want to file a formal complaint with her supervisor because this sh*t has got to stop.

And I think she should be made to apologize.

 

[Gadgie]

I tend to give back just as good as I get if someone is giving me a hard time. As I tend to get angry very quickly these days.

I never used to be like this, I suppose it's just my mood swings. I used to shy away from confrontation, but now I tend to lash out without thinking of any consequences.

 

[Heather]

@Gadgie Can you send some of that "mojo" my way? Could really use it right now;)

 

[Gadgie]

I wish I could, but I need it all just now to get me through this rough patch

 

[Sideways]

Some of the docs I've had cover for my doc when he goes on leave:mad:
Them: So, how've you been?
Me: Tossing up between a noose & an overdose...
Them: Sounds good, don't forget to pay on your way out.
:banghead::banghead::banghead:
Thanks, good talk, reeeeally helpful. Helpful like a kick in the head.