How Do You Express Anger?

[Reds]

I find I am struggling with expressing anger in a manner that is acceptable. Generally when angry I would tell a person provoking that I am getting angry, I will do this in a polite manner and with a smile on my face so most people do not get it. I am not good with verbalizing things, so I do not know how to really raise my voice or start cursing or sound angry. I am always appearing calm, which makes it impossible for people to get me or my mood.

The worst thing is if the person tries to justify whatever they are doing or try to make me feel bad for being angry then I get really violent. I start throwing things and physically fighting the person. Nothing will stop that fight until the person finds a way to escape. I worry this will get me into a lot of trouble, but again I don't get angry often.

Does anyone go through this? Or how do you express anger? And how do you make people aware when you are angry?

 

[arfie]

You mean locking myself in my room and planning slow, painful murders is not an appropriate response?

Back to the drawing board...

Seriously, getting past my brooding nature is nothing easy, but expecting people to read my mind definitely doesn't work. I shoot for saying it clearly and simply before I change the subject. I will leave the gathering, if necessary. I then bring it up with someone on my support network.

 

[franciemarnie]

Maybe you are talking about more than expressing anger. Im wondering if you are talking about how to express anger in such a way so that you receive a response acceptable to you like an apology or a change in behavior.

You could express anger in the most articulate, reasonable, expressive and calm way and still not get what you want from a person because we can't "make" anyone see things our way and respond "appropriately". They might or they might not. They have free will. And if they are irrational, there is no way they will get it.

People try to make others "see" and resort to violence out of frustration and a sense of powerlessness but that won't help and usually exacerbates the issue.

There should be consequences for people if they try to mess with you but we only get in trouble if we are destructive towards them or ourselves. So not associating with someone anymore after they are offensive and won't change their behavior when you express your objections is one way to get a point across.

I know it is tough. I often express myself verbally in a calm way or with heightened emotion, and then work out like crazy to get rid of any extra aggressive energy.

 

[therisa]

Sadly, I express my anger, when it builds up and explodes like a volcano. Leaving the people around me, wondering, what happened to tick me, as I am, generally, a very shy person. Never realizing the building silence, on my part, is a warning sign, to them. When-ever possible, I try to avoid a situation, which I know, will have disasterous consquences for all, involved. Giving the offending party warnings, about their actions and behaviour, before exploding on them. Also, I use sarcasm, as a defensive mechanism, when dealing with my anger.

 

[Britt.f7]

I think it varies on the person, time, mood I'm in. I've been in tears at work when I've been very frustrated and angry. I've yelled at my children, and probably raised my voice at other family members. I've banged things. I've been quiet. It really depends. It usually takes me a lot to be angry.

When I was a teen my mom would get mad at me if I showed my anger, and when I didn't. I felt I couldn't win.

 

[MissMacD]

It is okay to be angry and learning to express it in healthier ways takes practice.

 

[Barconian]

I had a situation on the weekend, where I believed my friend was overstepping our friendship and I was becoming angry! I knew that if I lashed out, he would of retaliated and it would have been worse. I chose to walk away (I was in his home), thinking how much of a p***k he was. Yesterday we made contact and discussed the problem as we had cooled down enough and could think more clearly. It so happens that we were both angry with one another and we were reacting off each other! Neither one of us thought we were in the wrong at the time, but have given each other the chance to express how we felt. Now we move on and we hope that things will become normal again. Still today I am feeling sick about the whole event, but also know that it will pass over the next few days, so long as I don't over think what happened and carry on with things I need to worry about. I find that it is really hard to control my anger when I fire up and I do my best to use alternative methods to rectify the problem even when it feels like I can't! Anxiety, depression and PTSD really does SUCK, especially when before the trauma's, life was so good

 

[Privateer]

When I'm angry at someone I generally just insert a small amount of threat into my tone of voice, gradually progressing to red-faced shouting if they are bright enough to get the hint.

If they really make me angry I'll wait a while, then try to make them look a fool by belittling them and joking about them in front of others.

Some folk have been served a knuckle sandwich, but it takes quite a lot to get me that far.

 

[Reds]

It also takes me a lot to be angry but when I do get angry then all he'll breaks loose

 

[maryiscontrary]

Had the same issues myself. Look up nonviolent communication technique...they are great! They increase the odds you are heard, and decrease upsets. Made a huge difference in my life.

 

[Abstract]

What you are describing is classic passive aggressive behaviour. There is always good reason for it to develop and it takes hard work and diligent practice to change but it can change.

First you are not honestly communicating your feelings and are essentially apologising for them. Secondly it all builds up until it explodes and then you are out of control. Like a pressure cooker that has blown its lid. If you start being assertive then a lot of this willl change and you will be a lot happier too!

 

[The Albatross]

Couple that (the passive aggressiveness) with a low frustration tolerance and you have a Molotov cocktail that is potentially explosive and at risk for consequences, retaliation, resentment or abandonment. Don't discount the frustration tolerance angle, it helped me a lot.

Added: Now I simmer, or stew but can detach, til I can get some levity often times. I make myself put it in words and try to make it lower volume... a whisper more than a scream, in terms of what I need or want that I'm not getting when I can, and I keep my hands down at my sides and take the interaction squarely on the chin using all the self restraint I possess at times to focus on not giving in to the instinctual response that is typical for me... fight. Is it easy, um nope, but there are far less messy situations and repercussions that way.