This underpins a lot of my ongoing issues I think. The shame of it all!I learnt that I was a bad person as a child, and that I had to behave like a saint to make up for being bad even a little bit.
If I could get this as a work in progress it would make such a huge difference.I would like to learn that I don't need to behave like a saint to make up for being bad even a small bit.
This could be another part of the puzzle.Is this what is underneath all the helplessness and hopelessness? Is this it?
I was seen today and it triggered me big time.I hear you - I get that still sometimes, less than I used to but I can still be really hit if I don't look after myself when I feel overly visible. Part of my job involves training groups of people do the "being seen" thing can be hard going.
I have to get on top this.What has worked for me is firstly recognising that being seen is a trigger and then being very reassuring to that part of me (sometimes literally reassuring myself like I would a small child - it'll be ok, I know it's scary but you're really good at this, just a while longer, type messages). I'll also have a treat planned for after the "visible" thing, a nice coffee, cake, good book, movie whatever feels like a treat or feels nurturing.
This is what happens. I wish I could sit with feelings more. I had a melt down. I rang a help line.I know it's horrible but the freeze/fawn thing is just trying to keep you safe, so you need to be kind to yourself and reassure yourself that you are in fact safe. Try not to fight it, cos in my experience that makes it last longer and feel harder.