How do you manage helplessness and hopelessness of complex trauma

ms spock

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I learnt that I was a bad person as a child, and that I had to behave like a saint to make up for being bad even a little bit. I would like to learn that I'm not a bad person. I would like to learn that I don't need to behave like a saint to make up for being bad even a small bit. Is this what is underneath all the helplessness and hopelessness? Is this it?
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I learnt that I was a bad person as a child, and that I had to behave like a saint to make up for being bad even a little bit.
This underpins a lot of my ongoing issues I think. The shame of it all!

I would like to learn that I don't need to behave like a saint to make up for being bad even a small bit.
If I could get this as a work in progress it would make such a huge difference.

Is this what is underneath all the helplessness and hopelessness? Is this it?
This could be another part of the puzzle.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I am doing a bit more, then a little bit more, and then I am doing a bit more. I am doing as much as I can. I am slow. I am moving slowly through the helplessness and hopelessness of my complex trauma. I am also telling myself "You don't have to be so reactive!" I do Self Compassion Breaks. I think things through instead of just reacting. I am trying to engage in more rational thoughts.
 

ms spock

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I am working on this a lot more, and I am gaining ground and traction. I have really improved. I am being much more active and present with it all.
 

ms spock

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I have done so much to break this down it is truly amazing now. I was spinning my wheels for years, but I kept going millimetre by millimetre and now I am getting here/there. I am exhausted and really want to have a break.
 

ms spock

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This can be incapacitating at times but overall I am making huge progress. I am really making so much more progress than I have made for years. I have gone back into this to a certain extent but I am still making forward progress.
 

ms spock

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I am doing better with stepping out of hopelessness and helplessness. I struggled a bit for e few months but I definitely am doing much better.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I hear you - I get that still sometimes, less than I used to but I can still be really hit if I don't look after myself when I feel overly visible. Part of my job involves training groups of people do the "being seen" thing can be hard going.
I was seen today and it triggered me big time.
What has worked for me is firstly recognising that being seen is a trigger and then being very reassuring to that part of me (sometimes literally reassuring myself like I would a small child - it'll be ok, I know it's scary but you're really good at this, just a while longer, type messages). I'll also have a treat planned for after the "visible" thing, a nice coffee, cake, good book, movie whatever feels like a treat or feels nurturing.
I have to get on top this.
I know it's horrible but the freeze/fawn thing is just trying to keep you safe, so you need to be kind to yourself and reassure yourself that you are in fact safe. Try not to fight it, cos in my experience that makes it last longer and feel harder.
This is what happens. I wish I could sit with feelings more. I had a melt down. I rang a help line.
 
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