How do you manage helplessness and hopelessness of complex trauma

[ms spock]

I like your attitude, @Ms Spock!

Thanks @Lola Nocheprieta! It is like training to be an athlete - you just have to keep going and going each day. You have to practice, practice, practice and then practice, practice and practice.

 

[ms spock]

I am keeping with this each and every day - moment by moment throughout the day! I keep asking myself what adult decision can I make now. That these helplessness and hopelessness thoughts are only that thoughts and a thought can be changed.

I am working on Peter Walker's 13 Steps to managing emotional flashbacks and it does help - though I forget a lot at times. I keep forgetting to do Step number 5.

MANAGING FLASHBACKS

5. Deconstruct eternity thinking: in childhood, fear and abandonment felt endless - a safer future was unimaginable. Remember the flashback will pass as it has many times before.
Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy

 

[ms spock]

I was really floundering in helplessness and hopelessness today and I actually just made a whole lot of adult decisions and really cleaned up the house, washed clothes, changed beds, tidied up and sorted out a whole lot of things. I just made one adult decision after another.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

It's hard to remember things like that in the moment. There's only one thing I can remember during a flashback, during intense negative emotions or urges to self harm: breathe. Just breathe. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to breathe myself into a new mental state.

I'm impressed that you are able to concentrate on the idea that there is an adult decision you can make in that moment. You are an inspiration to me, @Ms Spock, with your persistence, determination and hard work. Sending you blessings every day!

 

[ms spock]

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says - it doesn't matter what anyone else says. All that matters is that I take responsibility for myself and continue to make as many adult decisions for myself that I can make each and every moment that I am here in this present. That is the main thing.

It is mainly a lot of practice @Lola Nocheprieta - do the best that I can, slip, slide, do the best that I can, slip, slide, no point in harassing myself then slip, slide and back on the horse again and again and again. It is just lots and lots and lots of practice. Learn new skills, read a bit more "The Mindful Way through Depression" audiobook was very helpful for me. David Burns book "Feeling Good" changed a lot for me. "The Mindful Way Through Anxiety" I have also listened to quite a lot. as well. I really need to get back to using DBT and teaching myself that as well.

 

[ms spock]

I keep making decisions to step out of this again and again. I am making progress. It is a constant decision making process. Not easy but worth doing.

 

[ms spock]

I keep making adult decisions and I keep stepping up to the plate and making adult decisions. I am doing a bit more self care as well. I am working on Self Compassion and Radical Acceptance - and these help me to not to trip up on my stuff as much!

 

[The Albatross]

Practice, patience, persistence, perseverance Spock... you're doing great! Cheering you on from the sidelines grasshopper. ;):)

 

[ms spock]

I am still working on this again and then again and then again and then today I got up and did it again and I did it again. I kept making adult decisions. I turned up despite the anxiety being so high. I went and put my best foot forward. Then I just have to keep doing and doing it and stepping forward an stepping forward and stepping forward again.

 

[ms spock]

Stepping up to the plate and just doing it all again, and again, and again! I am making progress. It is not easy but it is doable! I keep practicing.

 

[ms spock]

I don't have to come from a place of corrosive self doubt. I am good enough. Things will work out as well. It will work out. I am not at home with my parents anymore. I can do this. I really can do this.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Good reminders, Ms Spock! I do the same thing, remind myself, "He didn't kill you, he's an old man in a nursing home and can't hurt you anymore. You're safe, you're safe now. L is safe, she's safe. You can say No, you can have an opinion, you can disagree, and no one will hurt you. Disagreeing with you is not the same thing as trying to hurt or kill you. It's safe to say No."

You can do this, Ms Spock! You are safe now. You have a different living situation now and you are doing such hard work! You have come such a long way and the people on this forum are so proud of you. We are cheering you on! You are one of my personal heroines, Ms Spock.