How do you manage helplessness and hopelessness of complex trauma

ms spock

Thanks @Lola Nocheprieta it means a lot. Very tired. Stepping out again -but slipping back into emotional flashbacks and at times flashbacks to being there with my parents - but much less now. Improving a lot. Not easy. Finding it very hard and difficult. Struggling with it all, but still moving forward.

ms spock

I have been doing better overall with this but I really am not doing well with this this week. I needed to have broken down things a bit more and not just drifted into comfort eating.


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Surrounding yourself whit supportive people that will put you in space where you can override their trauma. Find people that has also been traumatized because I think those are only people that you will trust in.

ms spock

Thanks @Lola Nocheprieta I feel very unheard at times, about things that are important to me.

I am ruminating about feeling hopeless and helpless. I feel like shouting at people or lashing out at people is the only way to be heard - that is what I saw in my family - so I am finding saying no to people or setting boundaries really scarey for me to think about. But there are other ways of communicating with other human beings - it is doable. I am slipping into helplessness and hopelessness quite a lot at the moment.

I found this on the dbtselfhelp website Friends

So it is doable - people all around the planet manage to say no and not be beaten up or horrendously violated because they had a different opinion or way of thinking about things. That is my family. It is not now.

From dbtselfhelp: Guilt
I'm sorry I don't have a "quicker fix" idea to overcoming feeling guilty. But I've learned in my years of therapy, there are very few silver bullets out there. For the most part, it's a process of:

1. becoming aware of the issue

2. finding the strength and willingness to deal with the issue

3. learning helpful "re-conditioning" skills that work for the particular moment

4. practicing the skills and persevering

5. over a period of time, gradually becoming aware that the issue is diminishing.
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It's good when you stick up for yourself, Ms Spock! I think, people just have different ideas, but we care about you. What I might erroneously interpret as you being too harsh on yourself, you corrected as something you see as vitally important to your well-being. Your idea of "balance" and "self-compassion" might look very different from mine, and it is not my place to impose my views on you, only to be honest as a friend. I don't take offense when you shout out a correction so that you are heard! You survived a terribly horrendous family, and it feels very invalidating when your MyPTSD friends contradict what you feel you need, or what you are saying, or don't seem to hear you. I SEE you, Ms Spock! I HEAR you! And you are still safe with me. I am proud of you for shouting out your correction, for I have no wish to invalidate your experience or what you need to do for your healing. I am your friend and student, Ms Spock, endlessly impressed by your persistence and stamina.

I am sorry to hear you are slipping back into feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. How can I help? Can I put my arm around you and just sit next to you in solidarity?