How do you manage helplessness and hopelessness of complex trauma

ms spock

Sponsor
This one is so strenous to deal with at times, but I am doing it now. I am stepping out of helplessness and hopelessness of Complex Trauma, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, DENOS and GAD, repeatedly most days now. Actually pretty much each and every day when I really think of it. I constantly choose to take actions or challenge my thinking, as well as my propriception, to break the back of my avoidance, procrastination, dissociation, derealisation, depersonalisation and disembodiment. It is not easy at all, but so worth it. It is so different. I am living such a different life now.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
Continually upgrading my skills acquisition is a solid way to step out of the helplessness and hopelessness.

Currently I am breaking down the avoidance, procrastination and dissociation. I am getting a more nuanced understanding of how to manage my PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Somatisation, Disordered Eating, Complex Trauma, Dissociative disorder not otherwise specified, severe reactive attachment disorder, and my structural dissociation - split off parts. I just have to keep chipping away at things. That is the key to breaking down the helplessness and hopelessness continually chipping away at it from all directions until you find a way in to your own recovery and healing. I had immense self hatred, self blame, suicidal ideation and I wasn't living in a safe place for the longest time.

Building trust with myself is something I have not yet been able to do. I need to learn to trust my own perceptions, opinions, reality and judgement. I am willing to learn to trust my own perceptions, opinions, reality and judgement. Not sure how I learn to do that, but it is the next step. So that is what I have to do is to learn to trust myself, and not doubt myself so much. Confused about how to do that, but I am noticing the lack of trust that I have with myself, more and more.
 

Friday

Moderator
Confused about how to do that, but I am noticing the lack of trust that I have with myself, more and more.


This is one of my big things.

IME? Start small and pick something you like. It really doesn't matter what it is. Breakfast cereal, knickers, patching drywall. Anything that requires a decision. No matter how small. That you like the results of. I chose this. I'm happy with my choice.

And keep doing it. All day, every day, as often as you think about it. Bit of a mindfulness thing, perhaps. Being aware of your choices and the results of your choices. Also a bit of f*ck cognitive distortions, in making sure you're not disqualifying the positive, and others.

For me'self, it works in different areas. Becoming confidant in my choices, and in my ability to make choices... AND...in my ability to handle when my choices lead to a result I don't like. Because a big part of trusting myself? Is knowing I'm not going to be perfect. I'm going to make mistakes. And I'm going to be able to handle the results of those mistakes.

Early Days - Small Choices I like the results of.

Middling Days - Big Choices I like the results of AND small choices I don't like the results of.

Latter Days - Big Choices I don't like the results of AND small choices being challenged / despised / derided others.

Masters Class - Big choices I don't like the results of AND they are also challenged / despised / derided by others.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
Becoming confidant in my choices, and in my ability to make choices... AND...in my ability to handle when my choices lead to a result I don't like. Because a big part of trusting myself? Is knowing I'm not going to be perfect. I'm going to make mistakes. And I'm going to be able to handle the results of those mistakes.

Yes I am coming to terms with this at the moment.
 
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Beans

MyPTSD Pro
Continually upgrading my skills acquisition is a solid way to step out of the helplessness a...

Wow I could have written this myself word for word! I love reading your journey and knowing other pple are having such similar experiences. It's how i felt when i recently found Healing Developmental Trauma by Heller. I've never read anything so spot on, like a biography of my life. Continued success to you. Such an inspiration!
 

ms spock

Sponsor
Early Days - Small Choices I like the results of.

Middling Days - Big Choices I like the results of AND small choices I don't like the results of.

Latter Days - Big Choices I don't like the results of AND small choices being challenged / despised / derided others.

Masters Class - Big choices I don't like the results of AND they are also challenged / despised / derided by others.

The Masters Class is the one I am a bit scared of - but at this stage I am in Early Days. I am so proud to finally be in Early Days, though. I really am. I never thought I would get here. I kept going nevertheless, but with the clusterf*ck my life has been and the range and wideness of symptoms, and my inability to be present in my body, and not dissociate or derealise or depersonalise. Well that is it. I am doing it now. I did despair for awhile that I would ever get here.

I could have written this myself word for word!
It is quite the journey! I do agree!

It's how i felt when i recently found Healing Developmental Trauma by Heller. I've never read anything so spot on, like a biography of my life.
I had a copy of that book before my psychiatrist and she was a little upset by that because it is her area of expertise.

Continued success to you. Such an inspiration!
I don't want what I have lived through to be meaningless and lost. I want to be as honest as possible so that people that come after us, have a resource that is a potential pathway, little that I do may be of relevance - but they see someone working it out for themselves. We all need to find our own way. My way took a very long time to find. I am still progressing really slowly in some ways, but I am making substantial gains in other ways. I learnt a lot from other people, it was most helpful. I want to leave something for the next generation. Intergenerational transmission of trauma is really problematic. If the adults in my own family had dealt with their trauma I wouldn't struggled on a daily basis like I do each and every day. So breadcrumbs leaves choices on the trail.
 
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acoa82

Learning
I go to nature for a long tour, or exercise a bit. I have found that physical movement helps. But what helps me the most is my attitude. The attitude that lies in that I try not take things too seriously. Because after all what really matters ? I don't know how you but I lived in a dangerous environment and therefore anything else seems insignificant to me. I mean I can be and I'm terrified by so called "normal" world or "normal" life and "normal" people most of the time. But also those who are abnormal. Almost everything and everybody scares me, I can be quite hypervigilance. But I try adopt this attitude. I must because otherwise my life is unbearable. And I recomend it to you too. For instance I do not have a life goal. I just try things and if it not works so what. To hell with that. I will not be upset about it, I will not regret it, I will not to please anyone. I know what I've been through in my life. I've lived through some terrible things in my life. Who has the right to judge me. I try my best. But I try to resemble it to more buddhist attitude. Or maybe not buddhist. Maybe just to accept the fact that nothing is worth stressing too much. I'm not passive, I'm active, I just looking for calmness. I'm looking for a peaceful way. And it is superior to everything. It works for me. Well, of course, I can not always avoid unpleasant situations but what matter is what kind of attitude I take. That's what count.

But I have question for you. Sometimes when I feel bad, or after some bad experience in this "normal" life, I have a tendency to go back to the past in my mind, or more accurate I wish to return despite what has been done, how dangerous it was. It is avoiding, escape. It is something I know, It is something I'm used to, no matter how sick it was. That is the place where I know what to do, how to do it, when to do it. Do you feel the same way ?
 

ms spock

Sponsor
But I have question for you. Sometimes when I feel bad, or after some bad experience in this "normal" life, I have a tendency to go back to the past in my mind, or more accurate I wish to return despite what has been done, how dangerous it was. It is avoiding, escape. It is something I know, It is something I'm used to, no matter how sick it was. That is the place where I know what to do, how to do it, when to do it. Do you feel the same way ?
I have a problem with obsessive re enactments. I have problem with obsessive ruminations about the past. I have a problem with practicing defending myself about the past to certain people in my past. I have problems with being present in this now. I went out today, and I just had maladaptive daydreaming intruding my experience of being out. There were no problems with the situation that I was in, but I didn't feel okay or enjoy myself or let myself be in the sunshine outside. I ruminated and obsessed about things. I dissociate, derealise and depersonalise. So yes I do the same things as you and feel the same way.

I just wasted a day by obsessing about things that are not a current problem. I just wasted my day by being in rumination. All I wanted to do was eat and eat, and then comfort eat. It was not a reality based fears or issue. There are no real problems. It was in my head. It was my own confirmation bias of how life is/should be.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
So I am struggling with the helplessness and hopelessness quite a bit. The anxiety is hard going, but I am doing things. I constantly do things, shift a bit, and try a new way to do it. Being present is hard going. I haven't had much practice at that yet. I am much more here now, at times.
 

acoa82

Learning
I meant it differently. I wrote that opaquely. I meant that when you experience something in your current life, something what upset you. Do you tend to want to go back to the past, to your childhood when all those horrors were still real ? And you want to do that as if it were some escape from the present because you can not function normally at present ? Because you don't know what normal is or how to live and exist nowadays. Because in the past, you knew the environment, you got used to it despite how awful it was. Because now everything what they consider as normal, you know the so called normal society, is strange to you (relationships, careers, etc. blah blah).

I feel these feelings often. I do not know how to explain it. It is very strange but it is feeling like nowdays it would be easier for me if I still live in that awful environment. I mean like It would be easier to bear my current problems and failures if I still live with my abusive father in that chaotic, dangerous, sick, scary environment. Because I feel like ONLY THEN I would be able to say to myself that anything else what happened to me outside (in the world over there, in that so called "normal" society with so called "normal" people) is marginal and therefore I can handle it. I could say to myself that look, I'm dealing with real problems at home for wich it is worthwihile to worry about. It is like I miss it. Even I am aware that it would not work like this. It wouldn't be ok. It would be worse if I still live with him. He would kill me, or I would kill him. It is very strange. It is like the desire for a familiar environment. It is like a strong habit which you carry with you. It was sown in you and you can't get rid of it.

Sounds pretty funny and odd. Isn't it ? Well I don't know, maybe it could be all about that when I am feeling on edge, it would be easier for me to cope with these tense feelings if I ACTUALLY live in edgy environment. Because only then I wouldn't feel so odd, completely lost, hopeless, confuse, etc. Because this would be normal for me. Because then these feelings would make sense to me. But I don't live there anymore. You know, now when my father is few years dead and everything is like normal around me now, and everybody expects me to by normaI I feel like complete outsider, as if I had come from another world. In the former job I felt that way very often. It will sound very funny what I write now, but I wanted there everyone (my colleagues) to be somehow sick, confuse, weird, desperate. Then I would feel calm and I would know what to do ! Or I thought about that that I could work in some stressful, dangerous, maybe somehow weird and chaotic workplace. Maybe in some mental institute. Or as a paramedic. Or I don't know.

Does this make any sense to you or someone ??
 
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