Confused about how to do that, but I am noticing the lack of trust that I have with myself, more and more.
Becoming confidant in my choices, and in my ability to make choices... AND...in my ability to handle when my choices lead to a result I don't like. Because a big part of trusting myself? Is knowing I'm not going to be perfect. I'm going to make mistakes. And I'm going to be able to handle the results of those mistakes.
Continually upgrading my skills acquisition is a solid way to step out of the helplessness a...
Early Days - Small Choices I like the results of.
Middling Days - Big Choices I like the results of AND small choices I don't like the results of.
Latter Days - Big Choices I don't like the results of AND small choices being challenged / despised / derided others.
Masters Class - Big choices I don't like the results of AND they are also challenged / despised / derided by others.
It is quite the journey! I do agree!I could have written this myself word for word!
I had a copy of that book before my psychiatrist and she was a little upset by that because it is her area of expertise.It's how i felt when i recently found Healing Developmental Trauma by Heller. I've never read anything so spot on, like a biography of my life.
I don't want what I have lived through to be meaningless and lost. I want to be as honest as possible so that people that come after us, have a resource that is a potential pathway, little that I do may be of relevance - but they see someone working it out for themselves. We all need to find our own way. My way took a very long time to find. I am still progressing really slowly in some ways, but I am making substantial gains in other ways. I learnt a lot from other people, it was most helpful. I want to leave something for the next generation. Intergenerational transmission of trauma is really problematic. If the adults in my own family had dealt with their trauma I wouldn't struggled on a daily basis like I do each and every day. So breadcrumbs leaves choices on the trail.Continued success to you. Such an inspiration!
I have a problem with obsessive re enactments. I have problem with obsessive ruminations about the past. I have a problem with practicing defending myself about the past to certain people in my past. I have problems with being present in this now. I went out today, and I just had maladaptive daydreaming intruding my experience of being out. There were no problems with the situation that I was in, but I didn't feel okay or enjoy myself or let myself be in the sunshine outside. I ruminated and obsessed about things. I dissociate, derealise and depersonalise. So yes I do the same things as you and feel the same way.But I have question for you. Sometimes when I feel bad, or after some bad experience in this "normal" life, I have a tendency to go back to the past in my mind, or more accurate I wish to return despite what has been done, how dangerous it was. It is avoiding, escape. It is something I know, It is something I'm used to, no matter how sick it was. That is the place where I know what to do, how to do it, when to do it. Do you feel the same way ?