How do you manage helplessness and hopelessness of complex trauma

Freedomfighter

MyPTSD Pro
I am struggling again and I am trying to fight off the freeze/fawn dynamic but all I want to do is to g...
That rest is a very necessary part of therapy. I have had huge headaches in the past couple of days and slept more than usually too to rest my mind. It really does help. I am in a situation where I am getting repeatedly harassed so when I am in my safe place I take it easy.

But we all have to fight off new triggers and that gets exhausting. I myself am under constant surveillance of groups of stalkers that harass me wherever I go, they are at work and they harass me when I go out in public.
But the people, who are obviously connected to the stalkers, are the worst. Many of those coworkers have hurt me physically and they stop at nothing. They have stolen my passwords at work, they have lied about me making mistakes at work.
They simply hate it that I have talents they do not have, and most of all, don't want to gloat, they hate the fact that they are not as intelligent. So every day they go off on barrages and personal attacks that are intended to hurt me in whichever way possible. They are very disturbed people indeed, every time I demonstrate certain traits that I have they go off the deep end and act as if they are the ones that are superior. They make up dumb rules at the workplace that make absolutely no sense whatsoever and would send any intelligent person into laughing fits.

When I get to work dressed nicely, they try to trump me. When I find an error from someone else they stoop so low to sabotage my work severely, and try to get it to the attention of one of my supervisors. The other friends of the stalkers encroach on my work spaces every single time I am at work. They get in my way on purpose attempting to stop me from performing my work.

But most of all: what they really love to do is to pretend that they could possibly have the same advancement chances in their pathetic little careers than I have. Oh yeah, and they love to pretend that they could have the same chances with the opposite gender too.

They are so pathetic it is completely laughable.

At one of my workplaces I am currently allowed to get a glimpse into the many facets of psychology and it fascinates me. I am allowed to witness a little bit of a world that I have never been able to witness before. I get to observe mentally handicapped people from all walks of life and with many different kinds of handicaps, some severe, some not so severe. It is a fascinating learning experience and I understand that it is also a very emotional field, the field of mental healthcare can grip your heart, it is very involved. I have even witnessed many traits of these people that I have displayed, and I often have to smirk when recognizing similarities between their behavior and mine. I see it as a great opportunity to be allowed to get a little access into a world that I was never before allowed to witness.
There was a young fella that walked in the other day, fully grown, but with the mentality of a little boy. Those same coworkers immediately began to display disturbing behaviors, it was odd to watch how they displayed almost obsessive and possessive traits towards this individual.
 

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I am working on now just doing things. I just have to turn up and do it. The helplessness and hopelessness will only disappear as I do the things that I need to do - one moment or one task at a time!

@Freedomfighter that sounds really tough. I don't quite understand what you are talking about - but it is hard going by the sounds of things!
 
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I just have to keep doing things @gizmo - lost my Mindfulness for most of the last month - but back at it. I have to just keep doing things and the helplessness and hopelessness will abate. Reading neuroscience is helping as well. I am doing stuff to assist my brain to step out of amgydala reactivity and moving towards using my frontal cortex! It all helps.
 

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I really need to work on this again - I have slipped backwards - but then to be fair I am doing a ton of new stuff and managing so many social situations. But this is permeating every level of my life in some ways.
 

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Not having the food that are triggers for me was working really well for me at one point @Shankara. When I did a lot of Self Compassion Breaks I did better with it. But not really. It has been a lifelong pattern for me - food was my friend, food comforted me, food helped me feel a bit more there, food helped me ground myself. Food was my only comfort for the longest time. Food is the way I managed scary emotions, or any emotions really.
 
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