How do you manage helplessness and hopelessness of complex trauma

[ms spock]

Thanks @Lola Nocheprieta it means a lot. Very tired. Stepping out again -but slipping back into emotional flashbacks and at times flashbacks to being there with my parents - but much less now. Improving a lot. Not easy. Finding it very hard and difficult. Struggling with it all, but still moving forward.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

It's a daily struggle. Some days I struggle less than others ... Yay, me. Some days, I just say, "Done is Right," and crawl under the covers. It's all good. You're here, you are still HERE ... Yay, Ms Spock!

 

[ms spock]

Done is Good! Done is Right! what a radical way to think about things! Thanks @Lola Nocheprieta!

 

[ms spock]

I have been doing better overall with this but I really am not doing well with this this week. I needed to have broken down things a bit more and not just drifted into comfort eating.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

It happens, comfort eating, I mean. You are doing a lot of hard work, Ms Spock! A little drifting and comfort eating can be excused, I think. ;)

 

[littlestar]

very inspirational, thank you all:)

 

[Emmax]

Surrounding yourself whit supportive people that will put you in space where you can override their trauma. Find people that has also been traumatized because I think those are only people that you will trust in.

 

[ms spock]

@Lola Nocheprieta comfort eating is not okay for me - it can lead to binge eating and a lot of suicidal ideation. I almost died from my disordered eating in 2013. It might be a benign thing for other people, but not for me. It is not optimum!

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Okay, Ms Spock, you know what is best for yourself! :) Wishing you peace, love, balance (whatever that means to you) and happiness. Xo --Lola

 

[ms spock]

Thanks @Lola Nocheprieta I feel very unheard at times, about things that are important to me.

I am ruminating about feeling hopeless and helpless. I feel like shouting at people or lashing out at people is the only way to be heard - that is what I saw in my family - so I am finding saying no to people or setting boundaries really scarey for me to think about. But there are other ways of communicating with other human beings - it is doable. I am slipping into helplessness and hopelessness quite a lot at the moment.

I found this on the dbtselfhelp website Friends

So it is doable - people all around the planet manage to say no and not be beaten up or horrendously violated because they had a different opinion or way of thinking about things. That is my family. It is not now.

From dbtselfhelp: Guilt
I'm sorry I don't have a "quicker fix" idea to overcoming feeling guilty. But I've learned in my years of therapy, there are very few silver bullets out there. For the most part, it's a process of:


1. becoming aware of the issue


2. finding the strength and willingness to deal with the issue


3. learning helpful "re-conditioning" skills that work for the particular moment


4. practicing the skills and persevering


5. over a period of time, gradually becoming aware that the issue is diminishing.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

It's good when you stick up for yourself, Ms Spock! I think, people just have different ideas, but we care about you. What I might erroneously interpret as you being too harsh on yourself, you corrected as something you see as vitally important to your well-being. Your idea of "balance" and "self-compassion" might look very different from mine, and it is not my place to impose my views on you, only to be honest as a friend. I don't take offense when you shout out a correction so that you are heard! You survived a terribly horrendous family, and it feels very invalidating when your MyPTSD friends contradict what you feel you need, or what you are saying, or don't seem to hear you. I SEE you, Ms Spock! I HEAR you! And you are still safe with me. I am proud of you for shouting out your correction, for I have no wish to invalidate your experience or what you need to do for your healing. I am your friend and student, Ms Spock, endlessly impressed by your persistence and stamina.

I am sorry to hear you are slipping back into feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. How can I help? Can I put my arm around you and just sit next to you in solidarity?

 

[ms spock]

I feel heard @Lola Nocheprieta and that really helps. I feel like I need affirmation and validation at this time.