Relationship How Do You Stay When You Feel So Tired And Alone?

[hopelives]

OK so last night I went out bowling I am part of a league. I had a good night but I hurt my shoulder. I didn't say anything to my husband when I came home but I just wanted him to spend a bit of time with me in bed talking before I went to sleep. He sighed and carried on about it. But he did come than I asked him to massage me as I was hurting he did a really quick massage than he was ready to run out the door. I will admit I got a bit teary and I also said hey just because you are struggling doesn't mean my needs dont matter. Well didn't he run oh course straight to the arms of that other woman (the computer). Gee I should just laugh and shake my head. But darn it I am angry. Not at him but at his whole flippin mess

I did have a good cry last night that he doesn't sleep in my bed and the only contact we have is him comming up for meals or if he wants something. WOW want a wonderful marriage I have. NOT.

He wants me to read the book he has so last night I went and got the book and read a chapter. Honestly yes it discribes my husband and shows that all these years no wonder I have felt that I have been hitting my head against a wall. Ok so I should see it as a positive that he is admitting that is the problem and he is taking responsibility. But all I think right now is WHY am I doing this to myself.

I really feel a bit hurt but today is a new day. I will smile and comfort and just move on. There is no use being upset or angry. He cant at this time change how he is it is but he is going to therapy so he can change.

 

[Jawn]

Hang in there sickofit. I can relate as you know. I think I have seen the most improvement in my wife since she moved out although she has a long way to go yet. Remember it's just baby steps and him finally realizing/admitting there is a problem is a BIG first step.

Jawn

 

[hopelives]

Ok. So I had a moment last night. I went and said hey could you come and spend some time with me Im feeling really lonely. I was met with anger and Im busy. Well Im sorry but that was it. I said what about me. what about what I am feeling.

Anyway, I tried to explain and I cried. Well that totally set him off. I was manipulating him and I was stupid and a loon for asking him to spend him with me. I hvae to schedule it when he feels like it. I realy should have learned by now that he isn't going to understand my emotional needs and that he isn't going to meet them. So stuff it.

Honestly Im not the type to have an affair but I have finally understood why some people do just give in and find someone to meet their needs. It is bloody lonely and frustrating.My needs for love affection emotional connection and sex are met with a look of disgust and with them being discounted as amounting to nothing.

 

[Jawn]

Honestly Im not the type to have an affair but I have finally understood why some people do just give in and find someone to meet their needs. It is bloody lonely and frustrating.My needs for love affection emotional connection and sex are met with a look of disgust and with them being discounted as amounting to nothing.

I could have written that and can relate to it very well. I'm sure there are others on here who can relate as well.

Hang in there,

Jawn

 

[hopelives]

Thanks Jawn. I feel cranky that to him I am meant to just ignore my needs and that I should be focusing on him totally as he is the one in need. Well blow me down but I have needs too.

Ah I best get myself all happy for when master awakens.lol I should know the drill by now. God why do I still love him. Must be a miracle. :);)

 

[Jawn]

LOL! You keep writing things that I have thought/felt too! Are you reading my mind or just my diary? :D

 

[Jawn]

Your earlier post has made me remember an old song by Johnny Lee (about 1982....country song) called Lookin' For Love! I think it's going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day! LOL!

 

[hopelives]

hehehehehhehe OH your mind. Your diary is too complex to open.lol Will go and check that song out.lol Ah I have to go in a minute and get money so the dogs can be washed. Disgusting things they are.lol Ah who would get married have a heap of kids and pets. Me of course. lol :confused:

 

[hopelives]

OK well I just spoke to him as he was up and OH he hasn't slept and only went to bed at 8am and got up at 11am Now he is playing on the computer and said this is all my fault. Well maybe it is. I just shouldn't have tried to talk to him and me crying sparked it all off. Gosh I feel like crap. I feel horrible.

 

[Jawn]

Give him space for a while. Try to focus on you and the kids.

Hang in there,

Jawn

 

[hopelives]

Well, Last night I went out shopping for the kids xmas presents and although I had no real money.lol I did a fantastic job and got all the kids presents for under $120. I was so happy. Thye got heaps of stuff. Next year I will be much more prepared.

My husband minded the kids and put them to bed. He was really lovely to me when I came home and even spent some time with me.

I had a phone call this morning and I have visitiors staying the night. I know that is going to be hard on hubby. But they are both 18yr old girls and they needed somewhere to stay. Long story short one of the girls is my old bosses daughter I was very close to the family and helped take care of her baby brother years ago. So I do feel I need to take them in for the night.

Also had some good news on the financial front. I am receiving a few hundred dollars in the next couple of weeks. I forgot I logged the forms 8 weeks ago. :) So that was a next surprise. I am totally surprized that all things are working out.

Anyway today can only get better.

 

[Jawn]

Good news sickofit. Hang in there and remember baby steps with your husbands progress.

John