How Do You Stop Being Dependent On Your T?

[Emer]

I'm in therapy a few months now. I know I'm way way too dependent on my therapist.
Whenever he has had to cancel a session (either for a holiday, bank holiday etc) I don't think
"Oh hey! I have an extra 30€ this week!" Im freaking out or absolutely agonising how to survive that week without our session. I'm even dreading Christmas! Merely for the reason that it means three lost sessions.
I don't want to live this way.
I also know I spend way too much time thinking about therapy too. How do you help this problem? Besides bringing it up at the next session.

 

[DharmaGirl]

You know, I used to think the same thing. I'm 3 years in now, and I can remember when I felt that way. I think that's the way therapy goes. I used to get so upset when I couldn't see my T. Now I'm really becoming myself, and the dependency naturally goes away. The stronger you become, the less dependent you are.

You are correct about bringing it up in the next session. Do you keep a journal? I do, and over the holidays I would keep a running count of how many days left until my appointment. It is hard but you can do it. Therapy is often almost harder than one can bear, but it's not really.

 

[arfie]

Do you have any live support groups on your therapy net?

I am not currently using a pro, but when I do, I supplement my pro therapy with support groups. Or is it the other way around? Support groups are my primary therapy and I add on a pro strength supplement when I need to?

 

[darrenS]

I would discuss it with your therapist and search for additional support , i would suggest joining a activity group if you are able, or as Arfie suggested join a self help group, there are several things you can do and not all have to be therapy based. Sometimes just getting out and about and challenging yourself in a safe way, can help bring the changes forward and make you feel more secure. If you cannot leave the house, then be creative ,create something , anything - just to get your mind in a different space.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I agree with the other replies in that you should bring this up in therapy. Perhaps your therapist could help you brainstorm other ways you can reach out for help locally? Are there any types of support groups (for PTSD [which can be hard to find] or mental health in general)?

I think that the dependency can lessen naturally over time for *some* people, but I don't think this is the case for everyone. I think I've read too many over-dependency stories on psych central! This is why I think its good for you to be taking a pro-active stance as you realize that it is now a problem for you.

I would work on fostering other methods of support. Many of us come here in between sessions and others don't have therapists at all.

 

[Cool Cat]

Would ye reckon being dependent on your T is down to not enough support despite therapy or just maybe a T relationship is so 'special' that you almost mistaken it for a different kind of relationship?

 

[darrenS]

the relationship between a therapist and a client is far more complex and can have many different iterations, you may want to discuss with your therapist, your idea of what support is, because ideally all you get is 45-60 mins and the concept of support is different to everybody.

 

[Lionheart]

For me, it was my "T" teaching me how to be my own best therapist that allowed me to become more independent of her. In the meantime, I found that having a hobby to keep my mind and hands occupied also helped.

 

[Cool Cat]

This is a cool thread Emer. Would ye reckon dependency goes away with time or progression in recovery or by talking about it?

 

[darrenS]

sometimes things dont go away , but we learn to accept them and in the acceptance of it , things change over time - it may never go fully away , but being aware of it and managing it is the most important -

 

[soulsearcher]

I agree with the others, you need to find more supports.
In my own healing journey I was too dependant on my last therapist and now I pay for it because she has moved away. I feel very alone. I have a new T but it's not the same, trust is a big issue for me, and I don't want to hurt again from being too dependant.
Right now in my journey I am looking out for what supports are available, I haven't had the courage to persue any yet, but I know that I need to. It's scary, it hurts, and it sucks but I know now to never rely on one person for your only support.
Wishing you all the best on your healing journey!

 

[Friday]

One suggestion... Try keeping the time slot. Drive somewhere (or train, walk, whatever), and bring a notebook, workbook, reading materials, whathaveyou... And have a solo session. Work on yourself for an hour.